Ronaldo: Rubbish and Ã¢ÂÂa bit gayÃ¢ÂÂ say Barça press
In the fortnight between La Liga Loca leaving Spanish shores and being dragged back kicking and screaming, millions of protesters took to the streets of Iran, Jacko popped his clogs and the campaign to oust big loser, Vicente del Bosque, began in earnest.
But absolutely nothing has changed in the news bubble of Barcelona where local rag Ã¢ÂÂSportÃ¢ÂÂ is still banging out on about the evils of Cristiano Ronaldo a full three weeks after MadridÃ¢ÂÂs latest footballing bling-buy was announced.
Continuing the assumption that their knuckle-dragging readers are subservient half-wits without the ability to form a coherent thought of their own - probably not far from the truth - the Barcelona daily ran four editorials on Friday alone ranting that Real Madrid / Florentino PÃÂ©rez / Cristiano Ronaldo are funny-looking and smell of wee.
Ã¢ÂÂWhy has Florentino PÃÂ©rez come back?Ã¢ÂÂ asks Joan Vehils without bothering to give an answer to his poser.
But itÃ¢ÂÂs still the signing of CR7 that still has the paperÃ¢ÂÂs panties in a bunch.
However, a campaign that started out as gentle rib-tickling over CristianoÃ¢ÂÂs supposed rompathon with Paris Hilton and tendency for wearing flowers in his hair has now turned into something considerably more unpleasant.
FridayÃ¢ÂÂs edition saw the downright mean Lluis MascarÃÂ³ having a whopping dig at the Portuguese midfielder for Ã¢ÂÂshowing his pimpish prowess with his appearances in night-clubs and his brainless bimbos.Ã¢ÂÂ
He also notes that one of RonaldoÃ¢ÂÂs exÃ¢ÂÂs called him Ã¢ÂÂa bit gay.Ã¢ÂÂ
"He said she said I'm a bit what?"
The not-at-all-jealous columnist ends his rant by writing proudly that Ã¢ÂÂit is the antithesis of what Guardiola has in his dressing roomÃ¢ÂÂ - a dressing-room which appears to be planning post-match bible study classes from what La Liga Loca can tell.
But if that wasnÃ¢ÂÂt a big enough boot to CristianoÃ¢ÂÂs very busy balls, his colleague, Josep Maria Casanovas, lowers the tone even further by sniffing that Ã¢ÂÂthe Camp Nou is interested in the goals of Villa rather than the controversial charisma of Ronaldo who is on his way to becoming a metrosexual icon.Ã¢ÂÂ
As La Liga Loca has been a world-famous metrosexual icon for some time now, the blog would like to know what Casanovas is really trying to say here - ignoring the moronic implication that the former Manchester United man is not really known as a goalscorer.
Not enough ham in his bocadillo for you Josep Maria? Someone who wears pink shouldnÃ¢ÂÂt be allowed to play in la Liga? May not be man enough for the secretary-banging, hard-drinking, Mad Men of Sport?
"I know what you're thinking... the white t-shirt was a mistake"
Still, the blog must respect CasanovasÃ¢ÂÂ opinion. A gentleman has the right to stick to his guns, etc, etc. Unless that man will write whatever he is told by his Barcelona bosses of course.
Take this example from our subjectÃ¢ÂÂs column in April 2007 when the Catalan club were reportedly contemplating a summer swoop for the Man United man.
Ã¢ÂÂBarcelona cannot let him escape. HeÃ¢ÂÂs got everything - class, speed, skill, a great strike and a winning mentality. As a footballer he is unique and also as a media icon. LetÃ¢ÂÂs not forget that in modern football, image and marketing are also very important.Ã¢ÂÂ
Or perhaps a little something from July of last year when Deco and Ronaldinho were moving on and the club was looking for replacements.
Ã¢ÂÂWe know that Cristiano Ronaldo and KakÃÂ¡ appear to be untouchable, but Barcelona are famous for hunting down the best players.Ã¢ÂÂ
So, to recap, in SportÃ¢ÂÂs world a Cristiano Ronaldo playing for Real Madrid is a pimping, preening, waste-of-space who is a bit too effeminate for their tastes.
But wearing the shirt of Barcelona the midfielder would become a dazzling footballer, a goal-machine, and an important source of marketing income.
If this is just the beginning of an almighty war of words over the season to come, La Liga Loca feels that it's good to be back after all.