“Sean Lock felt One Man Went to Mow was pathetic, so chanted, ‘I know an old woman who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed a fly. CHELSEA’” Johnny Vaughan on the funniest chant he’s ever heard

As eye-watering sums of money continued to get pumped into the game of football and new competitions spring up across the globe, it’s always worth remembering why we all fell in love with football in the first place.

Undoubtedly, one of the best parts of the matchday experience is enjoying your club’s terrace humour, where the wit is often quicker than the action you’re watching on the pitch.

But when you have an actual comedian next to you in the stands, it’s a whole different story.

The best chant Johnny Vaughan has ever heard

TV and radio presenter Johnny Vaughan was privileged to spend almost three decades at Stamford Bridge sat next to one of Britain’s most-loved comedians, the much-missed Sean Lock, who was responsible for the funniest chant that Vaughan ever heard at a match.

“I sat next to the late comedian Sean Lock for 28 years and he used to make up stupid chants,” Vaughan tells FourFourTwo.

“We finished with Vialli because he couldn’t help us win the league,” to Paranoid by Black Sabbath was one.

“He thought One Man Went to Mow was a pathetic football chant, so led us all in a chant of, “I know an old woman who swallowed a fly. I don’t know why she swallowed a fly. CHELSEA,” and everyone was joining in.

“Finally, when we signed Hernan Crespo and because Sean found nursery rhyme chants so funny, he started singing to the tune of Oh Soldier, Soldier Won’t You Marry Me:

“Oh Hernan Crespo, will you marry me with your volley, bicycle-kick and lob. Oh no sweet maid I cannot marry you for I have no boots to put on. So up she went to Abramovich’s chest and she got him a pair of the very, very best so he could put them on.” He had worked it all out.”

Lock sadly passed away in 2021, with Chelsea paying tribute to him with a post on X, which read: “Everyone at Chelsea FC is saddened to learn of the passing of Sean Lock. Sean was a much-loved comedian, fan of the Blues and a regular at Stamford Bridge. We send our deepest condolences to his family and friends.”

Johnny’s podcast, ‘Bloomin’ Legends’, is available to listen to on Global Player and all major podcast platforms now