By and large, pre-season friendlies are rubbish.
TheyâÂÂre something to watch when youâÂÂre too hungover to move, out of DVD boxsets or â if you're unfortunate enough to live in Britain â when itâÂÂs peeing down with rain.
Pretty much nothing can be learned from them, neither positive nor negative.
Unless you're Villarreal, perhaps, and thrashing third division sides 27-0.
However, ahead of a certain sideâÂÂs summer debut against Shamrock Rovers on Monday night, this shoulder-shrugging attitude simply wasnâÂÂt an option for the maddest of Madridista media â media that had invested gallons of fawn and grovel in the team over the past two months.
For Marca, the game was the debut of the bizarrely named âÂÂFlorenTeamâÂÂ.
The chance for the world to see where a good 120 million euro of the Real Madrid membersâ money had been spuzzed with the first outings of Cristiano Ronaldo and Karim Benzema.
The Spanish sports daily, which has become a panting Florentino Pérez fanzine â complete with an article from gormless editor Eduardo Inda comparing the club president to King Midas â needed a big, big win over their Irish opponents to maintain the noisy knicker-wetting over the birth of the best team on the planet, ever.
CR9, the split-second before the accident
And what did the finger-crossing paper get in the end? As to be expected, not a great deal for what was essentially a kick-about on a Monday evening.
Benzema certainly looks like he could be a bit tasty next season, while Fernando Gago clearly hasnâÂÂt spent his summer holidays learning to pass.
Still, the late 1-0 win didnâÂÂt stop Marca purring over the debut of Cristiano Ronaldo.
âÂÂItâÂÂs not a dream anymore,â blubbed TuesdayâÂÂs front cover with the match report detailing how âÂÂCristiano, a total footballer, went out to enjoy his debut and didnâÂÂt disappoint.âÂÂ
However, despite FlorentinoâÂÂs fearful presence in the Marca offices, the paperâÂÂs editorial did have to admit that âÂÂthe new Real Madrid is a puzzle which still lacks pieces.âÂÂ
Life was a lot tougher for Spanish TV station La Sexta, which broadcast the game live to much of the country.
The channel, which is to football coverage what Maniche is to Lycra, did not hide for a second from the fact that it was firmly in the Madridista camp with the commentator marking the kick-off by screaming âÂÂThis thrilling project has now begun!âÂÂ
The blog can only say that had the BBC given the same treatment to Manchester United, then questions would probably have been asked in parliament.
âÂÂWill this be Cristiano RonaldoâÂÂs first goal in the shirt of Real Madrid?!â yelled MadridâÂÂs cheerleader. "No" was the quick response as another free-kick flew wide.
"Over the line, mark it zero"
As the game dragged on and the commentary teamâÂÂs wag started to flag, they sounded more like overly-cheerful English people pretending to enjoy a BBQ in the freezing cold.
Instead, they decided to have a pop at Rafa Benitez for selfishly forcing Xabi Alonso to stick to his contract at Liverpool and not let him move to Madrid. âÂÂHeâÂÂs the guilty one in this!â grumbled one pundit.
In the topsy-turvy world of the Spanish media, for any kind of bubble-bursting of the Madridista dream one must now turn to AS. And thatâÂÂs never a healthy situation to be in.
And the paper was in a fairly mellow mood on Tuesday, by suggesting that âÂÂBenzema left a good sensationâ but with Alfredo Relaño more than a little sniffy over the performance of Cristiano Ronaldo.
âÂÂHe lacked a bit of the shine of his presentation,â sighed the paperâÂÂs editor forgetting that all the Portuguese player had to do on that occasion was grin like an eejit and yell "Hala Madrid" at regular intervals.
With Marca now starting to lower the expectations of what pre-season friendlies mean after MondayâÂÂs events, La Liga Loca can only hope a Barcelona side with just four days of training can tear Tottenham a new one, just to give the Madridista press something to chew on for a while.
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