Loïc Rémy’s move to Liverpool fell through after club officials detected a potentially troublesome phonological phenomena, Paul Watson explains...
Liverpool were forced to put safety first and pull out of a swoop for Queens Park Rangers striker Loic Rémy after tests suggested that he may have diaeresis.
An £8.5 million deal looked all but done when the worrying condition presented itself, ringing alarm bells for the Liverpool staff signing the paperwork for the transfer.
Upon seeing ‘Loïc Rémy’ written on the contract, Liverpool boss Brendan Rodgers felt he had no choice but to pull out of the deal, sensing it could become a recurring problem.
“We’re all very disappointed because we were all set to welcome Loic to the club, but Loïc is another matter entirely,” Rodgers told FourFourTwo.
“I feel let down because things were being hidden from us during negotiations, namely a brief hiatus between the two vowels in his first name.
“We were happy to let the e-acute slide, but you just never know when that ‘ï’ is going to surface, probably in a Guardian match report or a Jonathan Pearce commentary.
“Queens Park Rangers have denied that there’s an issue, but I would suggest that they may just have a more lax approach to linguistic nuance.”
"Rémy will now hope to revive a mooted move to Arsenal, although the Gunners experienced linguistic difficulties with inconsistent umlauts last season, or Newcastle, who don't care what their players are called as long as they can be sold at a profit."
Liverpool were stunned in the 1990s when Norwegian full-back Stig Inge Bjornebye suddenly displayed signs of an ‘ø’ and was effectively ruled out of the 1998/99 season.
Bjornebye later made an almost full recovery and set up a support group with Jan Åge Fjørtoft, which Rémy has been invited to attend.
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