All Racing to the second division

‘Scribble, scratch, scribble’. Today, La Liga Loca is writing a letter.

‘Scratch, scribble, scratch.” Something it hasn’t done in years.

La Liga Loca is writing a letter to the Spanish FA, as they have probably never heard of e-mail. Or the internet. Or the Suffragette movement.

The blog is proposing the bold move that instead of the traditional three teams being relegated from the top flight this season, up to 10 should be booted into the badlands of the second tier of the Spanish game.

La Liga Loca’s spider-sense suggests that there could be a lot of old tosh floating about in the footballing cistern of La Primera this year. Most of which will deserve to be flushed away.


More teams would be relegated like Levante if LLL had its way 

The three new sides, Numancia, Malaga, and Sporting have yet to inspire a single bead of confidence that they will not be making a swift return to whence they came.

After all, the last of this particular group of death weren’t even able to beat a not-really-trying Atlético Madrid on Monday, something that will bring shame on their families for generations to come.

As well as the usual suffering suspects such as Deportivo and Recreativo, the two plucky performances of last season, Racing Santander and Mallorca also look very doomed indeed.

The Cantabrians managed to qualify for the UEFA Cup last time round thanks to a 6th placed finish. And that was a real patronising pat-on-the-head achievement for a team that had spent the previous millennia pottering about doing naff all, like a Temazepam’d Cléber Santana.

AS write that Racing may have to play their UEFA first round match away from home. But considering it will probably be against a Belarus side owned by a tyrant who keeps severed heads in his basement thus attracting the attentions of about 50 fans, it’s no real biggie.

Racing are in this situation because they have to complete the work ordered by UEFA on their stadium’s lighting, disabled and press facilities. In fact, they haven’t even started.

The stereotype-loving La Liga Loca assumed that this was in part due to the charming Mediterranean love of doing everything at the last minute. But according to AS, it’s because the club is skint.

The paper’s Racing correspondent reports that in the last financial year, Racing had a 31 million euro budget, but ended up blowing 50 million.


Skint and homeless: Racing Santander 

Unless Pedro Munitis demands platinum-plated Coco Pops for his brekkie, it is hard to know how they managed to end up with this 20 odd million shortfall.

“They are playing with fire,” warns Pedro Lopez.

Part of that missing money is owed by Valencia for the sale of Nikola Zigic last summer. However, their president of the day Vicente Soriano has announced that the club has a 650 million euro debt, so Racing won’t be seeing that cash in a hurry.

Mallorca have sold pretty much the last of their decent players, with all respect to Arango.

The latest reject, Borja Valero, will have gone into shock about now having travelled to the West Midlands to sign for West Bromwich Albion - the kind of place where naughty Mallorcans normally go when they die.

That means that the club parted company with Güiza, Jonas, Ibagaza and Navarro over the summer. And goalie, Moyá could well be heading to Valencia to replace Timo Hildebrand, despite the calamitous keeper’s cheerful claims that “I’ve had more good games than bad recently.”

Even Real Betis manager, Paco Chaparro has had a long hard look in the mirror of destiny and admitted that fans can expect another relegation battle this season unless some new recruits arrive quickly.

“We can’t aspire for great things if I don’t have the reinforcements that I need,” moaned prickly Paco, a man who has just enjoyed the experience of crawling to Darth de Lopera to ask him for some money to spend.


Chaparro: State of undressedness not pictured 

“What we’ve done is to resolve the problems around bringing in players,” explained a stripped to the waist Chaparro as he was suspended by his ankles from the ceiling.

“Don Manuel also wants to close everything off this week as he has to have an operation.”

La Liga Loca suspected that his Satanic Majesty may be having cardiac problems - until it realised that he did not possess a heart.

However, AS reveal that the club’s majority shareholder needs to have a hernia fixed - an ailment gained from years of carrying an overstuffed money belt about, perhaps.

Topics