BotN: Brighton inadvertently sign former England keeper Chris Woods
Seagulls stupidly sign seasoned shot-stopper, so says Sack...errrm...Back of the Net's Paul Watson...
Brighton boss Gus Poyet has admitted his Ã¢ÂÂcrushing disappointmentÃ¢ÂÂ at completing the signature of 53-year-old former goalkeeper Chris Woods, despite the newcomerÃ¢ÂÂs jubilant presentation to the press yesterday.
The SeagullsÃ¢ÂÂ boss had been hinting at a permanent move for New Zealand striker Chris Wood, who scored two goals in a 2-2 draw with Millwall last night while on loan from West Brom.
But to PoyetÃ¢ÂÂs horror, he appears to have instead snapped up ex-England nearly man and affable former custodian Chris Woods, nearly 14 years after his retirement from the game.
Ã¢ÂÂI canÃ¢ÂÂt deny itÃ¢ÂÂs a bitter, crushing blow for me,Ã¢ÂÂ Poyet told FourFourTwo, tactically avoiding WoodsÃ¢ÂÂ gaze at a press conference to mark the new manÃ¢ÂÂs accidental unveiling.
Ã¢ÂÂI had been dreaming of adding a gifted goal-getter to my overachieving Championship squad, but instead I have, errr, given a second youth to a charming yet hapless face from the past.Ã¢ÂÂ
Apparently unfazed by Poyet then describing the Ã¢ÂÂwave of nauseaÃ¢ÂÂ that accompanied his arrival in Brighton, or the Ã¢ÂÂdeluded, simple grinÃ¢ÂÂ on his Ã¢ÂÂwrinkled yet handsome faceÃ¢ÂÂ, Woods then spoke of his delight at getting the call from Brighton.
Ã¢ÂÂObviously you start to think that your career is over,Ã¢ÂÂ Woods beamed. Ã¢ÂÂBut thatÃ¢ÂÂs life for a Ã¢ÂÂkeeper, you have to expect the odd tough decade.Ã¢ÂÂ
The ex-Sheffield Wednesday man then stressed his belief that an England recall is imminent, spending several minutes revelling in the retirement of Peter Shilton who he labelled a Ã¢ÂÂflash in the panÃ¢ÂÂ.
Woods spent much of his career in ShiltonÃ¢ÂÂs shadow, figuratively as ShiltonÃ¢ÂÂs reserve at Nottingham Forest and for England, and literally as Woods famously walked just a little slower than Shilton, leading him to suffer intermittently from bouts of rickets.
Editor's note: this is satire and not a serious accusation - all quotes are fictionalised. But you knew that, because you're not stupid.
More from Back of the Net
Giggs causes concern with tendency to invoke 150-year-old rules
Everybody to host Euro 2020, UEFA warn general public
Man Utd confirm Nemanja Vidic ready for new injury
Real Madrid to leave Jose Mourinho at the end of the season
Mark Hughes sacked and sacked again
Giovinco booked for head-removing celebration during Juventus win