The Flame-proof Weekend Predictions - Round 35

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Saturday

Sevilla (3rd) vs Mallorca (9th)

With Raúl reportedly pondering the opportunity to disappear in crucial clashes for Man City next season with a four-year, 40-million-Euro offer on the table, itâÂÂs good to see that there is at least one footballer in la Liga who still stands by the lofty concept of loyalty.

That fine, upstanding hero of the people is SevillaâÂÂs Adriano, who has dismissed the idea of a move to Inter Milan over the summer.

âÂÂIâÂÂm only thinking about Sevilla,â insisted the Brazilian full-back. âÂÂIâÂÂm happy here and have extended my contract to 2014. I hope to be playing in the Champions League with the club next season.âÂÂ

Well, big brass knobs to Adriano for his clear statement of intent to stay put at the Sanchez Pizjuán. âÂÂI told my agent that I wonâÂÂt talk to any club until the league is over,â said the sentence-finishing Adriano. And he was doing so well.

âÂÂWhat result would you like in the final?â asked one kiddie on next weekâÂÂs Copa del Rey clash with Barcelona - a question so stunningly insightful that AS immediately cleared out Tomás RonceroâÂÂs desk to make way for their new scoopmeister.


Very much on the mind

Athletic are tipped to be fielding a team of reserves in SaturdayâÂÂs clash, but that will still be good enough to beat a Betis side who are just happy to be on their travels.

âÂÂWhen we play in front of our own fans, weâÂÂre afraid to lose,â confessed midfield maestro Emana.

Ramón Calderón being accused by two judges of evildoings at the clubâÂÂs infamous General Assembly in December and the super-dodgy postal vote part of the presidential election from 2006.

âÂÂRamón Calderón could be thrown into jail,â yelled ThursdayâÂÂs edition as it pored over the accusations concerning last yearâÂÂs AGM. âÂÂAnd Bárcena and Nanín could be his cellmates,â continued the paper on his alleged conspirators.

Unsurprisingly, Marca is being a little liberal with the truth on this particular point. Current Real Madrid president Vicente Boluda has also been implicated in the plot to rig the vote of DecemberâÂÂs gathering, according to Madrid judge Santiago Torres.

And this causes a bit of a dilemma for the paper, which has been happily praising the paunchy president for his sterling leadership since CalderónâÂÂs departure in January.

The question now is whether Marca can happily continue to attack âÂÂthe worst president in the clubâÂÂs historyâ whilst backing Boluda, a man who must also go before the courts on May 20 to explain himself?

Despite MichelâÂÂs failure to win on his managerial debut for Getafe last weekend, the local papers are still hyping up the hopeless coach and his training sessions where âÂÂneither the ball nor laughter is absent,â according to AS.

The club has been calling for fans to back the team through their âÂÂfour finalsâ in the fight against relegation. But itâÂÂs a tough sell, considering the locals barely bother to follow the club even when they are doing well.


"Hello? Is there anybody out there?"

âÂÂIt isnâÂÂt only good fun to come to the stadium when Bayern are here,â promised full-back David Cortés as he called for a good turnout on Sunday.

In the past week alone the club has been hit with a 10,000 Euro penalty for âÂÂfailing to prevent the display of non-flameproof banners in the north stand.âÂÂ

And thatâÂÂs on top of the a 4,250 Euro fine for âÂÂfailing to prevent the introduction of a 50cl beer can onto the pitch.âÂÂ

In April, Rayo were nailed royally with a sanction of 11,000 Euro for allowing their Ultras to store banners and a megaphone in the stadium. Something that never, ever, ever happens at the Bernabeu and the Vicente Calderón, of course.

Málaga (8th) vs Racing (13th)

Racing Santander coach Juan Ramón López Muñiz has come up with a novel way of motivating his players to grab three points on Sunday and safety for another season.

âÂÂWe are working with the idea that thereâÂÂs a league with just four matches left,â he revealed, âÂÂand that the Competition Committee have given us a five-point lead.âÂÂ

Indeed, itâÂÂs an idea so brilliant that La Liga Loca hears that Real Madrid will be proposing it as the official format for la Primera next season.

Almería (10th) vs Sporting (18th)

Rather than run around in the lovely spring sunshine, the Sporting players have opted for closing the curtains, dusting off the projector, donning the silver-foil sunhats and picking out every mistake made by the referee in last SundayâÂÂs 1-1 draw with Athletic.

After playing and rewinding the tape more times that Maniche watching a Mr Kipling advert, SportingâÂÂs Iván Cuellar declared that referee Teixeira Vitienes should be suspended for his poor performance.

âÂÂItâÂÂs the same that would happen to footballers,â complained the gaffe-prone goalkeeper on the match which saw his side lose their lead in the last minute to their Basque opponents.

Next up on the Sporting cinema will be a study into why CIA-trained seagulls were to blame for the clubâÂÂs previous six defeats.

Perhaps the biggest losers in BarcelonaâÂÂs current run are the poor old street-cleaners of the Catalan capital, who are having to renovate the city centre every few days now.

On Saturday, both they and the riot police were out in force to sort out the mess after the victory against Real Madrid. And they were back again on Wednesday after IniestaâÂÂs super strike against Chelsea.


"Sparkling!"

La Liga Loca has been told that, should there be a mauling of Manchester United in three weeks' time, plans are afoot for airdrops of bleach over Barcelona.

Atlético Madrid (5th) vs Espanyol (14th)

ItâÂÂs been Olympic week in SpainâÂÂs big smoke with the city on its best behaviour as it presented its bid for the 2016 games to a delegation from the IOC.

And thatâÂÂs why Forlán, Kun Agüero and Maxi - proud Spaniards to a man - were at the location of their proposed new ground and Olympic Stadium site at 8.30 on Wednesday morning to meet and greet the visiting inspectors.

AS reports that Real Madrid captains Raúl, Guti and Salgado had been instructed to come to the gathering at the ground at 17.30.

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