Our man in Madrid rounds up the weekend's action in Spain with the latest installment of Good Day, Bad Day.
Good Day
David Villa
The Barcelona-barmy sports papers have more sensitive skin than that of the ludicrously pale La Liga Loca, so any slur and slurry thrown in the direction of the cash-strapped Camp Nou club tends to bring them to a bawling, lip-quiver before Sandro Rosell can say âÂÂcancel that UNICEF contract and sign the Halliburton deal!âÂÂ
In recent weeks, it has been taunts concerning the goalscoring drought of David Villa, and José MourinhoâÂÂs suggestion on Friday that everyone get off Karim BenzemaâÂÂs back - not because he is already carrying too much weight, of course - and focus on another top striker firing blanks.
However, a brilliant brace from Villa in a 5-0 win over Sevilla sees the Barça-barmy press wiping their eyes, blowing their noses and waving defiant fists in the direction of the Spanish capital.
âÂÂBarcelona responded to the insinuations and provocations with good football,â huffed Joan Batlle in Sport.
Although their papers constantly suggest that PepâÂÂs Dream Boys are softer than ManicheâÂÂs man boobs, Barça have been brave little soldiers this season, having faced up to and beaten down Atlético Madrid, Valencia, Athletic Bilbao and now Sevilla - considerably tougher opponents than anything Real Madrid have had to deal with.
Karim Benzema
Expectations are so low over the failing French striker than one assist and a key part in another goal sees Marca proudly boasting that Benzema is back - thanks to Mourinho of course - some four days after declaring on the paperâÂÂs front page that the Real Madrid man was âÂÂdeadâÂÂ.
It is enough to suggest that SpainâÂÂs biggest selling sports daily may have no real clue what itâÂÂs talking about. Fancy that.
Zaragoza, AlmerÃÂa
Very handy points away at Valencia and Atlético Madrid respectively, despite Zaragoza being hampered by the ludicrous sending off of Ander Herrera, a footballer who could barely bring himself to look at a goose, never mind say boo to one.
Meanwhile, a very decent looking AlmerÃÂa side were helped largely by a truly abysmal Rojiblanco performance in the Vicente Calderón.
Athletic Bilbao
Still to reach the lofty heights that LLL expected of them at the beginning of the season - fourth - but Athletic will still be fairly content with a 3-0 win over Getafe along with the fact that the sideâÂÂs goals came from three players who did not have the name âÂÂLlorenteâ on the shirt and an uncanny resemblance to Big Bird.
Deportivo
Three goals against Espanyol on Sunday from three set pieces with two defenders as scorers. Even when the Galician side win the word âÂÂgrindingâ springs to mind.
Racing SantanderâÂÂs Swedes
A monstrous meatball of a shot and two cracking corners from Kennedy along with a brace from Markus Rosenberg gave Racing Santander a 4-1 win over Osasuna to tweak the teamâÂÂs nozzle a tad and ease the pressure on manager, Miguel Angel Portugal, to give him more of an Ikea how to move Racing away from the relegation zone.
Joseba Llorente
Two goals and an assist in two wins for Real Sociedad continues to show why the freebie acquisition of the forward from Villarreal could be the shrewdest signing of the season.
Bad Day
Cristiano Ronaldo
Only in the Bad Day section because LLL couldnâÂÂt possibly put the Real Madrid man anywhere else after sporting pink and polka-dot boots in the 3-1 win over Hércules.
And celebrating his first goal like a tool with the âÂÂhands up to ears, canâÂÂt-hear-youâ gesture that is just soooo 2006.
And completely ignoring Karim Benzema in his initial celebrations for the second, the player who set his effort up on a plate.
No wonder the Real Madrid fans have yet to show him the love the same way that they have with Mesut Ozil and Angel di MarÃÂa. And no wonder that both AS and Marca are desperately trying to persuade them to do so, every single day of the week.
Villarreal
Sporting are a fairly feisty foe in their Gijón home, so a point for Villarreal is not a terrible result. But it is when you are trying to keep up with Real Madrid and Barcelona at the top of the table.
Valencia
Standby for more on the current malaise for the men for Mestalla in TuesdayâÂÂs LLL, but SaturdayâÂÂs 1-1 draw saw a soporific performance from a side that have driven into a ditch with just one point in their last two home games, and have very little idea of how to get out of it.
âÂÂOur confidence is lowâ admitted Unai Emery, after the Zaragoza match.
Málaga
LLLâÂÂs continuing insistence that Málaga are actually a very decent side continues to sound flimsier than a Diego Costa penalty claim. The southern sideâÂÂs 2-1 defeat to Real Sociedad sees Málaga with five defeats from five in la Rosaleda this season.
Atlético Madrid
Despite it being somewhat chilly at the Vicente Calderón on Sunday, LLL had its cockles warmed nicely by a throwback performance from Atlético Madrid to the pre trophy-winning, good old days - shambolic, lazy-ar*ed and feckless.
Grateful for their point against AlmerÃÂa, Atlético fans can now spend the week wondering if Luis PereaâÂÂs suspension for the clash against Real Madrid on Sunday is a positive or negative for the sixth-placed side.
Sevilla
In a story for another day and perhaps for the grand children, LLL was the wrong side or tipsy, dressed in fur and clutching an axe for much of SaturdayâÂÂs Camp Nou clash, but it was still able to recall Sevilla having their Andalusian backsides to them by a truly brilliant Barcelona.
Javier Arizmendi
Due to vitally important blog business down at the Vicente Calderón on Sunday, LLL didnâÂÂt get to see GetafeâÂÂs inevitable 3-0 defeat to Athletic Bilbao. But it is quite sure that Arizmendi was wholly useless in the 25 minutes he played.
