The Great Weekend Predictions - Round 9

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Málaga (6th) vs Barcelona (2nd)

You’d have thought that Barcelona’s weasley, measly 1-0 away win at Brit-packed Benidorm in the Copa del Rey might have raised an eyebrow or two of concern in the Pep-crazy Catalan press. Well, if you hadn’t spent years suffering their droning drivel, perhaps.

Instead, it’s hats off to Mundo Deportivo’s Miguel Rico, who has spun a superb story by linking Villarreal’s 5-0 pummelling by Poli Ejido to say such a thing could never happen to Barcelona these days.

“Barcelona have learned the lesson that they must keep doing what they are doing in every match,” said an ever-so-slightly smug Rico.

Well, Barcelona are going to have to do again, what they keep doing and have been doing, against Málaga on Saturday night. The southern seasiders are fresh from four wins in a row and have a bold new game plan to stop Pep’s Dream Boys in their tracks.

“We’ll sweat until we drop,” revealed midfielder Miguel Angel Lozano, leaving the blog with the image of what happens when Maniche attempts a flight of stairs.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Athletic Bilbao (19th) vs Villarreal (4th)

For the first few days of the week, the angriest man in Christendom was probably Andrew Sachs. “60 years in the frickin’ business and all I’m frickin’ famous for is a frickin’ Spanish frickin’ waiter,” he must have been yelling whilst tales of his granddaughter’s grinding dominated Britain’s brainless media outlets.

But after Tuesday night, Villarreal president Fernando Roig took over Manuel’s mad-as-hell mantle after the Yellow Submarine was left dented and drained by Poli Ejido in the one vaguely interesting Copa del Rey result of the week.

“We were pathetic! A disgrace!” yelled the club’s big cheese as he mulled over a week that saw them concede 12 goals in the last three games.

“Everyone who played feels ashamed of themselves,” admitted Cani, eyeing a slinking, slunking Pascal Cygan shuffling out of the back door of the press room.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Atlético Madrid (10th) vs Mallorca (8th)

At time of writing, a delegation of Atlético Madrid’s best behaved - and Javier Aguirre - will be sitting behind UEFA’s big table in Nyon having their appeal heard over the two-match stadium ban.

So, it is probably no coincidence that the club’s Mexican manager has given his full support to UEFA ’s ‘Respect for Referees’ campaign.

Considering La Liga Loca has spent an entertaining year or two watching the ever-agitated Aguirre call the man in the middle every name under the sun... and a few more on top of that... the blog can’t help feeling that it’s akin to getting Sergio Ramos to back an abstinence campaign.

Or Manuel Ruiz de Lopera to lecture on good corporate governance. Or Ramón Calderón on credit card... (CUT!)

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (1st) vs Racing Santander (17th)

At 10pm on Saturday evening, Valencia fans will be packing their regular supporters kit - The Quique Out! (scratched out), Koeman Out! (scratched out), Unai Emery Out! banner and the white hankies to wave at the club’s president of the month.

But there will be a special addition to the Mestalla moaners’ armoury this weekend - “the best start in our history!” shirts which are to be handed out along with thousands of zippy banners. All of which can be scrunched up and hurled at the home players if they don’t win this doozy of a match.

LLL Prediction - Home win


Recreativo (18th) vs Getafe (7th)

Amazingly, the eggheads of whoever is in charge of the Copa del Rey were wrong with their brilliant decision to attract a big Coliseum crowd to Wednesday night’s Copa del Rey match by starting it at a buttock-freezingly late 10pm.

A grand total of 3,500 made the trip to Getafe’s home and those who hadn’t knocked themselves unconscious with hammers to block out the pain of watching the goalless draw against Osasuna spent the match booing their side and calling for the head of Victor Muñoz - what with Getafe lying in a disastrous 7th place and everything. Tsk.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Valladolid (15th) vs Sevilla (5th)

‘There’s something wrong with the world today, I don’t know what it is’ sang Aerosmith, once upon a time. La Liga Loca knows how Steven Tyler feels.

First off, there’s the whole Valencia fans supporting their team business and now it’s José Maria del Nido refusing to bask in the joy of Juande Ramos’ sacking by Spurs.

“I have no opinion on the matter,” tight-lipped the Sevilla president.

Wrong. All wrong.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Espanyol (11th) vs Osasuna (20th)

The bad news for Osasuna is that they are at the bottom of the Primera pile for the first time in seven years. The good news is that Dady is out injured for three weeks.

“We are not the worst team in the league,” declared Osasuna defender Josetxo this week in a bold declaration, “we will show that we are not as bad as the table suggests.”

If the Pamplonan promise-maker is right then the blog looks forward to images of Paul from Barcelona chasing the perico players around the Montjuic, Benny Hill style, on Sunday evening.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Sporting (13th) vs Numancia (16th)

In today’s news from Sweden thanks to, La Liga Loca brings you a tip on how to deal with those pesky police if you are 10 times over the legal alcohol limit - especially useful for those readers in Andalusia.

“In pleading her case on the side of the road, the 56-year-old woman argued that her driving wasn’t affected because she’d been careful to keep one eye closed to prevent her from seeing double.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Almería (9th) vs Real Madrid (3rd)

My my. Ramón Calderón has had quite a week.

It began when he backed / didn’t back Pedja Mijatovic’s refereeing rant, accused Fergie of being senile and ended up on live television on Thursday night frenzied and quite literally frothing at the mouth in fury.

The Madrid president’s goat had been well and truly got with allegations from, newspaper, el Mundo and COPE radio station that Calderón had been putting personal charges through on company credit cards, such as drinks, a round of golf and a relaxing spa treatment in London.

Calderón, who has had to face allegations of naughtiness for a while now, went on the attack in a press conference and berated the “mafia-men, low-lifes and unscrupulous people” for this latest slur against his institutional name.

The Bernabeu bigwig claimed innocence on all charges and said that “they have used someone to manipulate a card and make it look like it was me” - in talking about the Banesto and Banco Gallego cards in question, citing evidence that he was in a completely different place to where some charges were made.

Perhaps the best moment of comedy in reaction to this rant came from the surprising source of Mundo Deportivo, with one poster tying up the two themes of the Real Madrid week quite nicely. “Don’t worry, you can use VISA to pay off the refs.”

Comedy gold.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Betis (14th) vs Deportivo (12th)

La Liga Loca just Google-Earthed the Betis stadium and seen that it is still surrounded by a cloud of plague and pestilence. And this means that, Lord of the Flies, Darth de Lopera is still in charge of affairs at the club, despite the promise that the BSport buy-out would be going through around about now.

The same promise made at the beginning of the month.

LLL Prediction - Home win

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