IÃ¢ÂÂm Iker Casillas, Get Me Out of Here....
So, it appears the spirit of Juanito had something better to do on Tuesday night.
Preparing some popcorn, perhaps, before settling down to watch Keanu Reeves action flick Spid, the film constantly - and the blog means constantly - being plugged by the Spanish match commentators.
ThatÃ¢ÂÂs when the hapless trio werenÃ¢ÂÂt otherwise engaged in describing Real Madrid being d*cked on by Liverpool for the whole 90 minutes.
La Liga Loca apologises for such vulgarity, but thatÃ¢ÂÂs the expression most used in the Madridista press on Wednesday, as they repeat Real Madrid president Vicente BoludaÃ¢ÂÂs threat of what his side would do to their English opponents in the Champions League clash.
Ã¢ÂÂMy players knew what had been said,Ã¢ÂÂ confirmed Rafa BenÃÂtez after his sideÃ¢ÂÂs 4-0 rollicking of Real Madrid, hinting that BoludaÃ¢ÂÂs pompous promise may have given his side extra motivation.
Unsurprisingly, the reaction to the disastrous defeat is met with great hilarity in the Catalan capital, with Sport sticking a predictably poor attempt at a Real Madrid gravestone on their front cover.
Ã¢ÂÂAnfield was MadridÃ¢ÂÂs cemetery,Ã¢ÂÂ yelled a peeing-himself-with-pleasure Josep Maria Casanovas. Ã¢ÂÂThere, they buried false hope.Ã¢ÂÂ
But it is very much with the doom and gloom in the Madridista press. And a spot of referee-blaming for good measure.
Ã¢ÂÂIker doesnÃ¢ÂÂt deserve this,Ã¢ÂÂ bemoans the front cover of AS. Ã¢ÂÂA total thrashing,Ã¢ÂÂ says MarcaÃ¢ÂÂs match report.
Of the big two papers, it's AS who stick most to the Madrid-loving line, with director Alfredo RelaÃÂ±o arguing very early doors that the first goal was a push on Pepe and the second was not a penalty.
What poor, dithering Alfredo doesnÃ¢ÂÂt understand is that simply falling over and waving your arms at the referee doesnÃ¢ÂÂt constitute a foul outside of Spain, something the likes of Fernando Gago and Pepe seemed unable to comprehend throughout the encounter.
Deeper inside a fairly sombre edition, Juanma Trueba notes soberly that the team that had been made to look very silly indeed was Ã¢ÂÂthe same that just won 10 games in a row in La Liga and won the title over the past two yearsÃ¢ÂÂ.
A shell-shocked TomÃÂ¡s Roncero could only scribble that Ã¢ÂÂthe referee was the man of the matchÃ¢ÂÂ and that Ã¢ÂÂTorres knew Anfield was well liked by UEFAÃ¢ÂÂ before signing off with the English words, Ã¢ÂÂI want to be alone.Ã¢ÂÂ
Marca have shown more cojones than Real Madrid did the previous evening, with Santiago Segurola producing a fine, desk-clearing diatribe blaming the Ã¢ÂÂrise of Ã¢ÂÂNaninesÃ¢ÂÂ and second-rate managementÃ¢ÂÂ for the clubÃ¢ÂÂs fifth failed attempt to get through to the Champions League quarter-finals.
Raul attempts to hide up his own behind
And with this jibe, the paperÃ¢ÂÂs chief reporter has hit one particular nail on the head - the club is staffed from top to bottom by hangers-on and half-wits.
His columnist colleague Roberto GÃÂ³mez noted that a certain Javier CalderÃÂ³n had travelled to Liverpool on the playersÃ¢ÂÂ plane and in the VIP box.
For those unfamiliar with the Bernabeu boardroom, Javier is the head of the clubÃ¢ÂÂs legal department - the department that messed up over the Huntelaar and Diarra transfers. Javier was also photographed on holiday with many of the fake Ã¢ÂÂcompromisariosÃ¢ÂÂ who heaped shame upon the club.
Javier also happens to be Ramon CalderÃÂ³nÃ¢ÂÂs brother, but La Liga Loca is sure that he rose to his position on his own merits. But all this is blog fodder for another day.
Nepotistic nuances aside, Tuesday nightÃ¢ÂÂs thrashing showed, once again, that Madrid drastically need to adapt their game outside of Spain. Ponderous passes across the midfield simply arenÃ¢ÂÂt possible against the all-powerful Premier League teams. Or BATE Borisov.
ItÃ¢ÂÂs no coincidence that the only two outfield players for Madrid that looked vaguely able to cope with the pace of the opposition were Lassana Diarra Ã¢ÂÂ a footballer with very recent experience of English football Ã¢ÂÂ and Wesley Sneijder, who possesses one of the quickest minds (and feet) in La Liga.
But the one footballer who really looked like he belonged in EuropeÃ¢ÂÂs ÃÂ©lite league was Iker Casillas. However, after five years of failure, Madrid fans should be very concerned indeed over how long the arse-saving stopper will hang on at last centuryÃ¢ÂÂs greatest club.
Casillas admires the surroundings
As he trudged off the Anfield pitch, Saint IkerÃ¢ÂÂs face resembled that of Fernando Torres after a 6-0 league hammering by Barcelona - a match that the Spanish striker admitted helped make up his mind that moving to England was the only way forward for his career.
La Liga Loca would not be at all surprised if Casillas takes the same route. After all, as MarcaÃ¢ÂÂs editorial says, Ã¢ÂÂReal Madrid is a little team on a big European stage.Ã¢ÂÂ