La LigaÃ¢ÂÂs Good Day, Bad Day - Round 13
Weekend results: Deportivo La Coruna 1-3 Barcelona, Real Madrid 4-2 Almeria, Sevilla 1-1 Valladolid, Xerez 0-2 Atletico Madrid, Athletic Bilbao 1-2 Valencia, Espanyol 0-4 Racing, Malaga 1-1 Osasuna, Mallorca 4-1 Zaragoza, Tenerife 2-1 Sporting, Villarreal 3-2 Getafe.
Cristiano Ronaldo, Leo Messi
There will some hand-wringing, bed-wetting, ivory tower-living, liberal types out there tutting and fretting about Cristiano Ronaldo and his wicked ways on Saturday day.
Stuff Ã¢ÂÂem, says La Liga Loca.
What wasn't there to enjoy about the Real Madrid manÃ¢ÂÂs AlmerÃÂa rumble?
It had goals, nudity and violence - three very good things in the blogÃ¢ÂÂs wicked world.
Tomas Guasch is quite right in MondayÃ¢ÂÂs AS when he asks whether Ã¢ÂÂyou are all going to wag your fingers if Elsa Pataky takes her top off and gets her breasts out?
"And why not? Cristiano did the same: the joy that both men and women feel when seeing his fantastic chest out in the fresh air should not be punished.Ã¢ÂÂ
CristianoÃ¢ÂÂs zany sporting stylings, of course, gave the writers supporting the worldÃ¢ÂÂs smuggest club an arms cache of ammo to take pot shots at their Madridista neighbours.
Especially as it all came on the same weekend when King Goody-Two-Shoes, Leo Messi, scored a brace against Deportivo and picked up his Ballon dÃ¢ÂÂOr trophy in Paris.
Ã¢ÂÂThere are no Ferraris, nor diamond earrings,Ã¢ÂÂ writes Joan Vehils in Sport. Ã¢ÂÂHeÃ¢ÂÂs always been a good kid and an exemplary footballer.Ã¢ÂÂ
La Liga Loca has two words for you, Joan: Tiger Woods.
Personally, the blog imagines Messi returning home to his Buffalo Bill-style nutty room every evening, before climbing into his hamster skin suit.
Home ties against Xerez, Tenerife, Valladolid, Getafe, Racing, AlmerÃÂa and Zaragoza would all have been considered very winnable for a middling Mallorca at the beginning of the season.
However, such matches would normally be scattered about the fixture list.
This season, Mallorca have been able to face these encounters back-to-back, and it has led to a remarkable record of seven home wins from seven in the Ono Estadi.
But once again, the problem is that there are only seven people in the stands going to watch what has been a remarkably efficient campaign so far for Gregorio ManzanoÃ¢ÂÂs men.
A goal to win a handy point for Valladolid against Sevilla means that the former Manchester United man is now one giant step nearer his seasonÃ¢ÂÂs target of 40 super strikes.
Just 38 to go.
An excellent cameo against Real Madrid and two strikes for Racing in their 4-0 win over Espanyol has got tongues aÃ¢ÂÂwagginÃ¢ÂÂ in Spain about this particular 18-year-old.
The Cantabrian player stopped a rot of four straight defeats for his side as well as scoring some of the first goals for Racing in the same pathetic period.
The pouch-faced magician of Villarreal had only been on the pitch two minutes, having returned from injury, before scoring an equalising goal for his team.
The midfielder flicked the ball up and then wellied it past Oscar Ustari in the Getafe goal to set up a 3-2 win in a match where Villarreal were not only 2-1 down at one point, but with one man less after the somewhat harsh sending off of Cani.
Ã¢ÂÂThis team has spirit,Ã¢ÂÂ notes Ernesto Valverde as he saw Villarreal move into mid-table.
After last weekÃ¢ÂÂs mess-up against Mallorca, La Liga Loca was expecting another capitulation against Athletic on Sunday night.
But Valencia came through in San MamÃÂ©s thanks to a late goal from Frenchie defender Jeremy Mathieu, who was lingering outside the box like a Parisian next to a brothel.
Ã¢ÂÂAtlÃÂ©tico are back!Ã¢ÂÂ trumpets F. Javier DÃÂaz in SundayÃ¢ÂÂs AS after a 0-2 win against Xerez.
"No, no theyÃ¢ÂÂre not" is La Liga LocaÃ¢ÂÂs resigned reply.
A win against Espanyol - see Bad Day section - and a victory against a team with just seven points and four goals to their name does not a recovery make.
ItÃ¢ÂÂs dÃÂ©ja-vu all over again with Espanyol in horrible form and fans calling for the heads of just about everyone.
HereÃ¢ÂÂs Paul from Barcelona to tell us all about what many would describe as a disappointing 4-0 home defeat to Racing.
Ã¢ÂÂQuite simply, the worst performance from any professional team in any sport in Europe, this weekend.
"Well done to the largest away following we've seen, this season. Hope you enjoyed the present we gave you.
"Have a few quid on a six or seven goal mauling next week (away to Barcelona. Oh dear. LLL)Ã¢ÂÂ
A Champions League defeat against Unirea and four dropped points in piece of p*ss home ties against MÃÂ¡laga and Valladolid sees a wholly lacklustre Sevilla on the crest of a slump at the moment and desperate for their winter break.
Ã¢ÂÂIt was a bad game, they were better and IÃ¢ÂÂm the one to blame,Ã¢ÂÂ shrugged manager Manolo JimÃÂ©nez after the 1-1 draw against Valladolid.
Fortunately, Sevilla have the mother of all pick-me-ups to give their pencil some wood on Wednesday night - Rangers at home.
Although La Liga Loca felt SaturdayÃ¢ÂÂs visitors to the Bernabeu gave a fine second half display to take a 2-1 lead against a slumbering Real Madrid, the very glum goalscorer Kalu Uche told the blog after the game that:
Ã¢ÂÂWhen we were 2-1 up we lost concentration, thinking Ã¢ÂÂhey, we are winningÃ¢ÂÂ.
"But when you are playing teams like Real Madrid and Barcelona you have to keep fighting until the referee blows the final whistle.Ã¢ÂÂ
A 4-1 defeat at the hands of Mallorca sees Zaragoza really, really in trouble now.
The side have never quite recovered from the opening day injury to striker - and Kalu's brother - Ikechuwku Uche.
Just one win in eight now sees MarcelinoÃ¢ÂÂs men crawling about in the bottom four like a night-blind Maniche looking for a dropped Mars Bar.
A home point against Osasuna thanks to a late equaliser from the potty-mouthed ApoÃÂ±o, but still without a win since their opening day tonking of AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid.
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