Monday's Good Day, Bad Day Ã¢ÂÂ Round 21
For those wanting to see La Liga Loca in beautiful surround sound, HD 3D, tune into Extra Time (22.05 UK time) on Real Madrid TV Ã¢ÂÂ a show repeated throughout the week.
OK. Hands up in surrender. This isn't funny anymore. La Liga Loca is very, very sorry. The pins have been removed from the Juan Soler doll. No more evil thoughts will be heading in Valencia's direction.
Not really. This is hilarious. Without a victory in nine. Two goals scored in ten. Six points from thirty. And losing at home to AlmerÃÂa.
"If someone wants to destroy a team in two months, ask Koeman. He has the instruction manual," advises El Pais on a Valencia side that now has a record worse than Levante's over the past ten rounds of action.
"The club is in crisis," admitted the Dutch destroyer on Sunday evening, "but I'm not running away after two months." He may not have a choice, as 40,000 very angry Mestallans are the brink of chasing Koeman and his crazy ways right out of town.
Oh dear. Ronald Koeman is not the only man who needs that frown turning upside down. Paul from Barcelona is in the same boat of despondency too, having seen his side lose three in a row in the league.
"Short but sweet today folks. Too depressed to put any effort in. Crap defending and seemingly half-fit team threw away 3 points. Betis were not very good but won't go down.
First goal looked offside to me and we missed at least 8 good chances. One sitter from Coro 5 mins from time was...can't think of a suitable word. "Crap" maybe? Sooner we get a new striker the better.
Good away fan turn out as always. Going to listen to Leonard Cohen to cheer myself up."
Having only caught the briefest of snatches of this match during, before and after a trip to the Bernabeu on Sunday night, La Liga Loca is about the least qualified person in Spain to say what happened. Not that this stops most of those writing in Marca and AS day in, day out.
The press seems to be agreed that Barcelona should have won the game by scoring a second, but didn't. And that Athletic Bilbao suddenly produced the kind of gonad-grasping grit that has been absent from their play for much of the season.
"A draw that's a defeat," was the opinion of the newly signed up AndrÃÂ©s Iniesta, after the game.
The gap from Real Madrid is now nine points. It's not a chasm, but its big enough to make you think twice about jumping it. "Real Madrid do not seem to be disposed to dropping their guard," writes a thoroughly depressed and defeatist sounding Josep Maria Casanovas, writing in Sport.
One most hope Casanovas' pessimistic appraisal is wrong, as this season could be turning very very dull, very very soon, if Barcelona don't get their act together.
A disastrous defeat at the hands of lowly Levante on Sunday, for Murcia. And it was a defeat that caused a number of home fans to call for the head of manager, Lucas Alcaraz, according to AS.
The bottom of the table is still a bit of a squeeze, so there is plenty of time for Murcia to dig themselves out of trouble. But only if Baiano picks up a shovel, some time soon.
JosÃÂ© Antonio Reyes
People of the Primera! CulÃÂ©'s and ChÃÂ©'s. Perico's and..er..those who come from Valladolid. It's time to focus on what unites us, not divides us. It's time to focus on what makes us strong, not makes us weak. (La Liga Loca is very much into American Primary season). It's time to unite behind the belief that JosÃÂ© Antonio Reyes is a bit of a tit.
After a season where the winger has done nothing but complain off the pitch and ponce about on it, Reyes had the chance to put all this behind him and lead his side to victory against Mallorca. Instead, he saw red in a match Marca advised was his last chance to prove himself to Javier Aguirre.
"He's a fascinating but irritating study in human behavoir," observed AS on Reyes' two yellow cards for dissent and a dirty foul that was the highlight of their 1-0 defeat to Mallorca.
La Liga Loca first got an inkling that all was not right in the Osasuna manager's head at a post match press conference at the CalderÃÂ³n against AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid - a match which saw four sent off for the visitors. "The referee had a great game," dead-panned Ziganda with ill-disguised sarcasm.
On Saturday night against Sevilla, Cuco went into complete footballing meltdown when a dubious penalty decision was awarded against his team, in injury time. "You should all be dead, like Puerta," was what Sevilla radio worker, Jesus Alvarado, claims Ziganda yelled at the Sevilla players - something that the Osasuna coach strongly denies.
With the penalty converted and the game lost, Cuco stormed onto the pitch, attempted to fight everyone there and then preceded to rant against refereeing slights that have bedeviled his side, all season.
All in all it was brilliant stuff.
With uncanny and rare predictive brilliance, La Liga Loca wrote that Recreativo would be next to slip into the relegation ejector seat. And so it came to be with a 3-1 home defeat at the hands of Getafe for MuÃÂ±oz' minions.
Recreativo have managed to increase their goal tally over recent weeks, but are still without a win in six.
La Liga Loca loves Villarreal. With the defensive stylings of Pascal Cygan at the back at the rampaging Rossi up front, they always bring a smile to your face when they turn up for a game of football.
La Liga Loca is also growing fond of Robinho. Another cracking display from no longer young Brazilan put three more points in Real Madrid's title chasing bag - three more points that is starting to make the blog believe that maybe, just maybe Bernd Schuster's men aren't lucky so and so's playing crap teams.
This match was possibly the last big test for Real Madrid, this season - although the blog thinks next week's trip to Almeria could be an upset. Not that AS' Tomas Roncero would agree,
"This Madrid can't be stopped by the Yellow Submarine, nor an aircraft carrier, nor the Seventh Fleet." They probably could be. Especially, if they fly over it in La Saeta.
Betis seem to have one tactical move these days - lob the ball from the left for Edu to head home. But by thunder, it's effective. A very, very, very handy away win for a side, who, let's not forget are still quite rubbish.
A second win in a row for free scoring Getafe and a second match with three goals scored.
An away win! Three goals! These are, indeed, the End of Days.
Juan Carlos ValerÃÂ³n
A fantastic sight on the pitch in Riazor, on Sunday - not words you use often, these days. That was the sight of ValÃÂ©ron back playing football after a two year league absence and after a brush with retirement. The midfielder snapped his ligaments in January 2006, before coming back in a friendly, in July, when the same thing happened.
The following January, ValerÃÂ³n suffered another set back in January of 2007. A year later, he ran onto the pitch in their 3-1 win over Valladolid to give his side the teeniest sliver of hope for the future.
The best performance from a Primera debutant in sixteen years, thanks to run of three 1-0 wins a row. You still wouldn't want to watch them, though.