The Newcastle United supporters who toplessly cheered on their side’s victory at Old Trafford last Saturday are yet to experience any softening of their proud, exposed nipples, according to reports from Tyneside.
Newcastle were deserved 1-0 victors over Manchester United in a game distinguished by fine individual performances from Fabricio Coloccini and goalscorer Yohan Cabaye, and by their fans’ now habitual state of partial nudity.
“When the lads are playing well, you don’t feel the cold,” said topless Barry Scott, 38. “I’ll know it’s time to put the shirt back on when these bad boys [his nipples] settle back down again. And there’s been no sign of that happening any time soon.”
“The way the lads are playing now, we could beat anyone,” said shirtless Micky Bradshaw, 43. “[Tim] Krul’s been immense, so has [Loïc] Remy, and credit to Alan Pardew, he’s really turned it round.
“But if you ask me, it’s really down to these,” he added, indicating his firm, pointy nipples. “I haven’t worn a shirt since late October, and since then we’ve won five from six in the league.
“Coincidence? You tell me. All I know is that right now, these nipples could cut glass.”
