Premier Sketch: Hairy potterer, underpants, snot and Swede-bashing

Well, he finally returned after much anticipation this week, ready for action, and looking better than ever. And what a reception he was treated to; Ron, Hermione, and Hagrid just couldn’t hold back their delight at Harry Potter’s re-appearance at Hogwarts.

Oh and Wayne Rooney wandered around Old Trafford for a bit, too.

RESULTS Sat 20 Nov Arsenal 2-3 Tottenham Hotspur, Birmingham City 1-0 Chelsea, Blackpool 2-1 Wolverhampton Wanderers, Bolton Wanderers 5-1 Newcastle United, Manchester United 2-0 Wigan Athletic, West Bromwich Albion 0-3 Stoke City, Liverpool 3-0 West Ham United Sun 21 Nov Blackburn Rovers 2-0 Aston Villa, Fulham 1-4 Manchester City

Let’s start with the undoubted game of the week: the North London derby, certainly a game of two halves. The Gunners ruled the first 45 minutes and went two goals up, but Spurs fought back fiercely to win with a late Kaboul header.

Tottenham can thank Arsenal captain Cesc Fabregas’s brainless handball to block a freekick that gifted Rafael van der Vaart an equaliser from the spot. It’s a move that the Spaniard has pulled off many times before without being penalised for; perhaps his continuous efforts to officiate the game actually work in his favour.

Goal of the week
At the beginning of the season Blackpool hosting Wolverhampton Wanderers didn’t sound like a showstopper but if this season has taught us anything it’s to remember that awful phrase, "Expect the unexpected”. Luke Varney cracked in the Tangerines’ opening goal with a wonderful chest trap and thunderbolt past Wolves’ heavy metal-lovin', car-tinkerin' keeper Marcus Hahnemann.

Blackpool’s nursery-rhyme illuminations may have been blown down last week but the Tangerines’ fairytale start to Premier League life is still going strong as they return to the top half of the table.

Crap Kits
Chelsea's third shirt sums up the Stamford Bridge’s November. Birmingham City pulled off the upset of the weekend with a 1-0 victory over the league leaders; to everyone’s relief, goalscorer Lee “no underpants” Bowyer decided against a Mirko Vucinic-style goal celebration.

Meanwhile as if this month hasn’t been bad enough, Chelsea’s squad had to turn out in their third shirt, which is mucus green with some sort of black tyre track running down the middle of it. It certainly didn’t turn out to be a black tie affair for the Blues who have now lost three games in a row – not championship-winning material whatever way you look at it.

Finally, last week Johan Elmander scored a goal that a certain famous Dutch Johan would have been proud of. The Bolton striker will be lucky to remember his two goals scored against Newcastle this weekend as The Toon’s backline took it in turn to brutalise the Swede’s swede.

Fabricio Coloccini was rightfully shown a straight red after he disgracefully swung an elbow at Elmander’s face, but Mike Williamson avoided punishment for a cowardly off-the-ball head-butt that looked to have knockout the Bolton striker out cold.

However, the FA's review system could bring a bit of justice to the situation as referee Howard Webb missed the incident. Now, does this mean Frank Lampard’s goal against Germany could still be given?