Premier sketch: Thrills and spills

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Hi everybody, it’s time to put on your favourite knitwear, pretend to laugh at pre-scripted jokes, and play the BBC’s A Question of Sport’s famous, “What happened next?”

We’re heading over to West Ham’s Upton Park for the visit of league leaders and current champions Chelsea. Let’s set up the scene, the Blues have a free kick just outside the area and serial diver Didier Drogba hits a dipping ball over the wall, it looks like the ball is dropping straight into the waiting hands of USA Hero Robert Green and this is where we’ll freeze the action to ask you the question, “What happened next?”

All you have to do is pick whether the ever reliable Mr. Green...

A)    Plucked the ball from the air, winked and blinded the camera with a gleaming smile?

B)    Plucked the ball from the air then tackled a naked pitch invader?

C)    Spilled the incredibly easy to catch ball luckily into the path of his own teammate who unluckily belted the ball straight at Chelsea forward Salomon Kalou’s ankle ricocheting up and over the Teflon sponsored keeper and into the back of his net?

Give yourselves 2 points; and if you were playing away you get double Wayne.

Goal of the week, In the same game, West Ham’s Mr McDonald‘s, Scott Parker chipped in with a consolation goal - and what a beauty it was. 

Chelsea’s Czech keeper Cech punched a corner to the edge of the penalty area where Parker was waiting to precisely volley the ball straight back over his head where it nested itself into the corner of the net. The woeful Hammers’ record reads: 3-0, 3-1, 3-0, 3-1. Get yourself off to the bookies for a 3-0 Stoke win next weekend.

Game of the weekend was at Goodison Park, the match up between Everton and Manchester United. With the visitors 3-1 up going into the three minutes of added on time, it looked as though Fergie and friends would be heading back up the M62 with three points in the metaphorical bag; listening to the ever knowledgeable commentators, the game was already over in the 66th minute when Berbatov scored United’s third.

Plenty of Everton fans headed for the exits, and match commentator Peter Drury may have wished he had followed them too, as Everton proved him spectacularly wrong by scoring two goals in added time to earn themselves a well deserved point. 

And they may well have grabbed all three had referee Martin Atkinson not declined to add on another 30 seconds for each goal scored instead of blowing for time just as the Toffees were charging in on the United goal with 93 minutes and 30 seconds gone. 

So no “Fergie time” this weekend I’m afraid; David Moyes sure has a lot to learn before he takes over the Old Trafford helm when Ferguson finally decides to spend his weekends ‘ in the comfort of his own home incessantly gnashing on chewing gum.

Talking of sounds tremendously irritating to the ear, since when did we start taking anything coming out of Jamie Redknapp’s mouth seriously?

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