Universal awkwardness as Ronaldo presumes he won FIFA Best Player Award
There were embarrassing scenes at the Best FIFA Football Awards last night as Cristiano Ronaldo stepped up to receive Best Male Player despite nobody at any stage indicating that he had won the award.
The rightful recipient of the award was Luka Modric, Ronaldo’s former team-mate at Real Madrid, but Ronaldo reached the stage faster and outmuscled the Croatian star to receive the honour.
Modric was eventually presented with the trophy several hours later when Ronaldo’s attention was diverted by a shiny mirror.
“To be fair to Cristiano, his award-receiving positioning was impeccable,” a journalist present told FourFourTwo. “He ghosted into space on the edge of the stage, and as soon as Modric’s name was announced he pounced.
“Modric was in no-man’s land still trying to locate his speech in his dinner jacket pocket while Cristiano was giving praise to his childhood coaches and stressing his desire to achieve great things with Juventus.
“I think it just shows that there’s nobody in the world better at getting recognition than Ronaldo right now.”
Bagging a tea
Once Modric did reach the stage, onlookers were surprised to see that Ronaldo showed no recognition of his former team-mate, instead believing him to be a showrunner, cafeteria worker or poodle.
“Cristiano indicated that he would like a cup of green tea,” an onlooker told FourFourTwo.
“As Modric paused, baffled, Ronaldo assured him that he’d happily pose for a selfie later in the evening and enquired as to whether Modric or Modric’s sons or daughters support Real Madrid.
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“While it’s commonplace to mistake Modric for a middle-aged woman called Sue, on this occasion it was quite hurtful because they’d played together for several years at Madrid.
“When Modric began muttering in Croatian, Ronaldo bent down and began stroking his hair affectionately, tickling under his neck and calling him a ‘good boy’. It was tough to watch.”
Ronaldo also managed to receive Best Men’s Coach, Best Women’s Coach and Best Goalkeeper before an alert Mohamed Salah narrowly edged him out in the Puskas Award for Best Goal.
Please note: This story is satirical. That was clear to you, right? Siiiiii...