The Den is a magnificent place to watch football. I imagine it’s a great venue to play at, too.
It’s a Guy Ritchie-directed, late ‘90s, flat-roof pub football club, soundtracked by Ocean Colour Scene’s ‘The Riverboat Song’.
Nowhere else in English football are you likely to hear, “Lino, you’re a c***” sung in unison during the first half…from the ‘Family Stand’.
Millwall is one of the last truly great places to watch proper football
At very few grounds in English football do you walk through the crowds before kick-off and wonder, “Is everyone here in the same WhatsApp group called ‘What we’re wearing to the game’?”
The chant of ‘MILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL’, if you can call it a chant or better still, a rebel yell, is an assault on the eardrums, despite there being less than 20,000 in the building.
There’s an old-style, decommissioned London bus painted royal blue that stands outside. It serves Spitfire ale. They have a centre-half of six feet six who plays exactly as you’d imagine. Even the commercial partners are proper working man’s sponsors: Selhurst Timber and Builder’s Merchants, Masons Scaffolding - corrr, I've got splinters just thinking about them. Canary Wharf is visible above the Dockers Stand, and they f***ing love a tackle.
I’m not at The Den every week, but I’ll bet the bloke who sits adjacent to the press box and shouts, “They are f***ing pony”, with the same frequency as the London Bridge to South Bermondsey service, is a regular, and local.
Plenty of teams - Leeds, Everton and Newcastle among them - might claim they run Millwall close in their Millwall-ness, but it’s exactly what the Premier League is missing, to its detriment.
I know what you’re thinking, 'Surely the EFL Family Club of the Year 2017 is a touch more welcoming than it was back in the old days?' Of course, that would be the correct assumption. Nothing is like the old days, but unlike other grounds, and some of Millwall’s closest rivals, ahem, they at least retain some of the horribleness.
In an age where football has become increasingly polished and corporate-ified, it’s redeeming to visit a stadium where it all feels authentic. Going in a box at The Den would feel wrong, and a waste of money. Paying more to miss out on the full experience? No, thanks.
Even the press room, with its low ceiling, a discarded mannequin torso and worn Wetherspoons-like carpet, stippled with 'MFC' worked into the fabric, is like something out of Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant’s ‘The Office’.
The Lions came close to promotion last season, defeated in the Championship play-offs by eventual winners Hull City. They’ve lost star man Femi Azeez and were soundly beaten 5-1 by Southampton earlier this season, so this term might not go as well as last.
However, with six teams now making up the play-offs, and Millwall giving a near full-strength Newcastle side a good go in the Carabao Cup, there’s every chance.
