El World Cup Diario, Day 26: Dr Voodoo, Lazarus and evil Gus Parker

Nick Harper swats up on the dark arts ahead of Tuesday's first World Cup semi-final in Belo Horizonte...

Good morning, dear reader, and welcome to the first of two exceptional looking World Cup semi-finals; Brazil the hosts against Germany the Germans, live from Belo Horizonte and beamed to your living room at 9pm BST. The countdown starts here, and let's kick things off with some breaking team news.

And it seems that in the absence of Neymar, Brazil's hopes now rest on the shoulders of Helio Sillman. It’s not a like-for-like replacement, granted, for while Neymar is a classic goalscoring number 10, the boy Sillman is a voodoo priest who sits in his shop making up spells. Desperate times, desperate measures.

Yesterday Señor Sillman announced his cunning plan to deal with Germany in tonight's encounter, and it's a plan of quite fiendish simplicity. "I'll take their top player and bind his legs so he can't run on the pitch," he said, or more likely cackled, possibly while sat beside a big cauldron.

Dr Voodoo has form for this kind of nonsense. Operating out of his shop, World of Orixas in Rio de Janeiro’s northern neighbourhood of Madureira, he has cast a spell on every opponent Brazil has so far faced. In the quarter-finals he dropped a hex on James Rodriguez, and even though the Colombian scored, Brazil still prevailed, so clearly it worked.

To make the magic, Sillman takes a small box shaped like a football pitch, adds a few candles and a voodoo doll dressed in the colours of Brazil's opponents. "Those are the four teams that Brazil have overcome," he said yesterday, pointing to a basket containing shabby dolls wearing the colours of Brazil’s previous victims. After spouting some inaudible mumbo-jumbo, and with a quick swish of his wand, the spell is apparently cast and the sinister, Gus Parker-esque plot set in motion.

We can only guess which German he's targeted, because "their top player" is all Sillman divulged. That obviously rules out Mesut Ozil but after that it's anyone's guess, although in truth it shouldn't be too taxing to spot a man whose legs have been tied together.

Of course it should never have come to this. Brazil shouldn't be relying on the dark arts of a crazy shaman to keep them in these finals, but the hosts are in need of all the help they can get. All the more so given that (genuine team news right here!) Thiago Silva's appeal against his one-match suspension was laughed out of FIFA HQ yesterday, and that's as big a blow as the Neymar nobbling.

"I'm fine, really I'm fine, OWWW!"

There was a whisper that Neymar may yet make a miraculous, Lazarus-like recovery. Rumour had it that with some alternative treatments, painkilling injections and a stout corset, Brazil's boy wonder may somehow be fit enough to play in Sunday's World Cup final! Assuming Brazil somehow got there.

Earlier in the day, Brazil's opportunist president had spoken of Neymar being a "great warrior" and a man "who will never let himself be held back even when wounded". He's far too spindly to be a warrior, and the suggestion that a man who feared he'd lost the use of his legs could play again within a week, and in the biggest game in all football, well it seemed way too far-fetched to believe!

And that's because it was.

"Let’s not create an illusion to the Brazilian people," announced the official Brazil team doctor José Luiz Runco, quick to nip this one in the bud. "There isn’t the smallest possibility for Neymar to play on July 13 if Brazil reaches the final."

And that was that. All hope was extinguished.

Brazil's sense of dread is not just because Neymar's boots will be filled by Bernard (or more likely Willian if he shakes off a training ground injury he picked up on Sunday). It's more because they face a German team who have slowly become as powerfully efficient and stereotypically German as we all expected them to be.

According to one latest ranking of the four teams left, the Germans have jumped from fourth on the FIFA Power list to take top spot, with Brazil down from first to third, Argentina now second (despite everything), and the Dutch in fourth. That's all very unscientific, but you can't avoid the feeling that they are finding some form at just the right moment.

"There's only room in this town for one biter, Luis..."

The German squad spent Day 26 doing efficient exercises and sewing seeds in the referee's mind ahead of tonight's filthy battle. "I am all for healthy hardness," announced Bastian Schweinsteiger, with a phrase that may have lost something to translation. "But some of Brazil's fouls [against Colombia] were over the limit. We have to be careful, and so does the referee."

The referee? Ah yes, your whistle blower for tonight's game will be Marco Rodrîguez, the Mexican official known as 'Chiquidrácula' because of his uncanny resemblance to Count Dracula. The great irony of that nickname is that he was also the referee who managed to miss The Suarez Bite during the Italy-Uruguay game, and that hopeless myopia should give Brazil some hope.

If tying the Germans' legs together doesn't work, then sucking their blood surely will.

All in all, it should make for fascinating viewing. Enjoy the game.

A small footnote: Ahead of the other semi-final, taking place tomorrow, both Argentina and Holland spent Day 26 trotting gently around a football pitch and doing light lunges. Come back tomorrow for more details.



Is that for real? This sounds very scary. I have read from an article that voodoo priests can help whether you want to cast powerful voodoo love spells or you need help to avoid going to prison. Voodoo is known to be the best magic of psychic arts. They are said to be spell caster who can assist you with love spells, dream interpretation, etc.

Further expert analysis came from student-turned-Twitter pundit Simon Larson, who used his years of training in Albanian-Serbian relations to say: "Both countries should be thrown out of UEFA. That would teach them a lesson and ensure something like this never happened again. POKERSTAR88.com Agen Texas Poker Dan Domino Online Indonesia Terpercaya | Master Agen Judi Bola Online Terbaik dan Terpercaya di Indonesia | Padipoker.com Agent Judi Poker Situs Poker Online Teraman Dan Terpercaya Indonesia | bola pelangi agen bola sbobet ibcbet casino 338a tangkas togel online indonesia terpercaya | Olb365.com Agen Judi Bola Online, Agen Judi Casino Online Indonesia Terpercaya | Agen Ibcbet | Ibcbet "Of course, you get scenes like this every time Serbia play," agreed 27-year-old Luke Piper, writing on a Fantasy Football forum that he frequents along with thousands of his fellow eminent anthropologists. "It's obvious that the inability of all Serbs to accept the lessons of history proves they don't belong in the civilised West, where nobody has ever committed a genocide or celebrated the actions of a war criminal. SBOBET Casino SBOBET | Agen Bola Terpercaya | Agen Bola | Taruhan Bola Online Agen Bola | Taruhan Bola | Judi Bola Terpercaya | Rajamerah.com situs judi Poker online terbaik terpercaya | Pulaujudi.com Master Agen Judi Bola Online Terbaik dan Terpercaya di Indonesia As Serbia's clash with Albania was abandoned amid scuffles between players and fans, men and women who follow football took to social media to reveal the breadth of their knowledge of Balkan society to a grateful public. Indomasterbola.com Agen Judi Bola, Taruhan Bola Terbaik dan Terpercaya | JagadPoker.com Agen Texas Poker & Domino Online Indonesia Terpercaya | BOLAWIN88.COM BANDAR TARUHAN AGEN JUDI BOLA CASINO POKER DOMINO BOLATANGKAS DAN TOGEL ONLINE TERPERCAYA INDONESIA | JINPOKER.COM Agen Judi Poker Online dan Domino Online Indonesia Terpercaya Everybody is eagerly looking forward to the weekend newspapers, when discussions of the post-game fallout will reveal political journalists' unexpectedly nuanced grasp of football.

A young painter, indulging a vein of pleasantry, sketched a kind of conversation piece, representing a bear, an owl, Michael Kors wallets a monkey, and an ass; and to render it more striking, humorous, and moral, distinguished every Louis Vuitton wallets figure by some emblem of human life. Bruin was exhibited in the garb and attitude of Michael Kors outlet online sale an old, toothless, drunken soldier; the owl perched upon the handle of a coffee-pot, with spectacle oakley store on nose, seemed to contemplate a newspaper; and the ass, ornamented with a huge tie-wig (which, Michael Kors crossbody handbags however, could not conceal his long ears), sat for his picture to the monkey, who appeared ## nkdashfgJQF@yahoo.com with the implements of painting. This whimsical group afforded some mirth, and met with general approbation, oakley outlet store until some mischievous wag hinted that the whole �� was a lampoon upon the friends of Michael Kors store the performer; an insinuation which was no sooner circulated than those very people who applauded it prada outlet online before began to be alarmed, and even to fancy themselves signified by the several figures of Cheap Louis Vuitton Bags the piece.
Among others, a worthy personage in years, who had served in the army with reputation, louis vuitton outlet being incensed at the Supposed outrage, repaired to the lodging of the painter, and finding him Louis Vuitton at home, ��Hark ye, Mr. Monkey,�� said he, ��I have a good mind to convince you, new balance outlet that though the bear has lost his teeth, he retains his paws, and that he is prada outlet not so drunk but he can perceive your impertinence.�� ��Sblood! sir, that toothless jaw is a michael kors crossbody bags d �� ned scandalous libel �� but don��t yon imagine me so chopfallen as not to michael kors handbags be able to chew the cud of resentment.�� Here he was interrupted by the arrival of http://www.louisvuittonoutletsyear.com a learned physician, who, advancing to the culprit with fury in his aspect, exclaimed, ��Suppose the Louis Vuitton Sale augmentation of the ass��s ears should prove the diminution of the baboon��s �� nay, seek not Michael Kors outlet clearance to prevaricate, for, by the beard of Aesculapius! there is not one hair in this periwig Louis Vuitton Outlet that will not stand up in judgment to convict thee of personal abuse. Do but observe, oakley outlet on sale captain, how this pitiful little fellow has copied the very curls-the colour, indeed, is different, but louis vuitton store 2015 then the form and foretop are quite similar.�� While he thus remonstrated in a strain of Michael Kors handbags outlet stores vociferation, a venerable senator entered, and waddling up to the delinquent, ��Jackanapes!�� cried he, ��I will offical michael kors outlet clearance now let thee see I can read something else than a newspaper, and that without the Michael Kors bags help of spectacles: here is your own note of hand, sirrah, for money, which if I Louis Vuitton Bags had not advanced, you yourself would have resembled an owl, in not daring to show your cheap Michael Kors bags usa face by day, you ungrateful slanderous knave!��
In vain the astonished painter declared that he had no oakley outlet online intention to give offence, or to characterise particular persons: they affirmed the resemblance was too palpable Louis Vuitton outlet to be overlooked; they taxed him with insolence, malice, and ingratitude; and their clamours being overheard louis vuitton handbags by the public, the captain was a bear, the doctor an ass, and the senator an cheap oakley sunglasses owl, to his dying day.
Christian reader, I beseech thee, in the bowels of the Lord, remember LV Purses this example ��while thou art employed in the perusal of the following sheets; and seek not Michael Kors outlet sale to appropriate to thyself that which equally belongs to five hundred different people. If thou shouldst Michael Kors outlet store meet with a character that reflects thee in some ungracious particular, keep thy own counsel; consider find cheap michael kors bag that one feature makes not a face, and that though thou art, perhaps, distinguished by a Louis Vuitton Outlet Stores bottle nose, twenty of thy neighbours may be in the same predicament.��Of all kinds of satire, louis vuitton luggage there is none so entertaining and universally improving, as that which is introduced, as it were louis vuitton handbags occasionally, in the course of an interesting story, which brings every incident home to life, and Michael Kors handbags sale by representing familiar scenes in an uncommon and amusing point of view, invests them with all http://www.chevrecakes.com the graces of novelty, while nature is appealed to in every particular. The reader gratifies his http://www.cheaplvbags-top.net curiosity in pursuing the adventures of a person in whose favour he is prepossessed; he espouses michael kors handbags wholesale his cause, he sympathises with him in his distress, his indignation is heated against the authors Louis Vuitton Outlet stores of his calamity: the humane passions are inflamed; the contrast between dejected virtue and insulting vice cheaps michael kors wallets appears with greater aggravation, and every impression having a double force on the imagination, the memory gucci bags retains the circumstance, and the heart improves by the example. The attention is not tired with Michael Kors bags on sale a bare catalogue of characters, but agreeably diverted with all the variety of invention; and the Michael Kors outlet stores vicissitudes of life appear in their peculiar circumstances, opening an ample field for wit and humour.
Romance, Louis Vuitton Outlet Online no doubt, owes its origin to ignorance, vanity, and superstition. In the dark ages of the new balance factory store World, when a man had rendered himself famous for wisdom or valour, his family and adherents prada online outlet availed themselves of his superior qualities, magnified his virtues, and represented his character and person as oakley sunglasses wholesale sacred and supernatural. The vulgar easily swallowed the bait, implored his protection, and yielded the tribute of homage and praise, even to adoration; his exploits were handed down to posterity with a thousand exaggerations; they were repeated as incitements to virtue; divine honours were paid, and altars erected to his memory, for the encouragement of those who cheap louis vuitton attempted to imitate his example; and hence arose the heathen mythology, which is no other than a collection of extravagant romances. As learning advanced, and genius received cultivation, these stories were embellished with the graces oakley sunglasses cheap of poetry, that they might the better recommend themselves to the attention; they were sung in chanel outlet online public, at festivals, for the instruction and delight of the audience; and rehearsed before battle, as http://www.louisvuitton-sunglassess.com incentives to deeds of glory. Thus tragedy and the epic muse were born, and, in the Michael Kors handbags on sale progress of taste, arrived at perfection. It is no wonder that the ancients could not relish chanel factory outlet store a fable in prose, after they had seen so many remarkable events celebrated in verse by gucci outlet their best poets; we therefore find no romance among them during the era of their excellence, gucci outlet 2014 unless the Cyropaedia of Xenophon may be so called; and it was not till arts and Michael Kors purse outlet sciences began to revive after the irruption of the barbarians into Europe, that anything of this Michael Kors sandals kind appeared. But when the minds of men were debauched by the imposition of priestcraft to michael kors bags wholesale the most absurd pitch of credulity, the authors of romance arose, and losing sight of probability, Michael Kors Purses filled their performances with the most monstrous hyperboles. If they could not equal the ancient poets cheaps michael kors wallets in point of genius. they were resolved to excel them in fiction, and apply to the Louis Vuitton wonder, rather than the judgment, of their readers. Accordingly, they brought necromancy to their aid, and michael kors bags instead of supporting the character of their heroes by dignity of sentiment and practice, distinguished them http://www.michaelkorssatchelbagoutlets.com by their bodily strength, activity, and extravagance of behaviour. Although nothing could be more ludicrous and http://www.louisvuitton-lvoutlet.net unnatural than the figures they drew, they did not want patrons and admirers; and the world discount oakley sunglasses actually began to be infected with the spirit of knight-errantry, when Cervantes, by an inimitable piece Louis Vuitton Purses of ridicule, reformed the taste of mankind, representing chivalry in the right point of view, and http://www.michaelkors-crossbodybag.com converting romance to purposes far more useful and entertaining, by making it assume the sock, and oakley outlet sunglasses point out the follies of ordinary life.
The same method has been practised by other Spanish and Louis Vuitton purses French authors, and by none more successfully than by Monsieur Le Sage, who, in his Adventures LV handbags of Gil Blas, has described the knavery and foibles of life, with infinite humour and sagacity. Michael Kors outlet The following sheets I have modelled on his plan, taking me liberty, however, to differ from chanel bags him in the execution, where I thought his particular situations were uncommon, extravagant, or peculiar to Louis Vuitton Outlet Handbags the country in which the scene is laid. The disgraces of Gil Blas are, for the Louis Vuitton Handbags most part, such as rather excite mirth than compassion; he himself laughs at them; and his new balance factory outlet transitions from distress to happiness, or at least ease, are so sudden, that neither the reader new Louis Vuitton has time to pity him, nor himself to be acquainted with affliction. This conduct, in my Louis Vuitton bags opinion, not only deviates from probability, but prevents that generous indignation, which ought to animate the Michael Kors handbags outlet online store reader against the sordid and vicious disposition of the world. I have attempted to represent modest http://www.cheaplouisvuittonbagso.com merit struggling with every difficulty to which a friendless orphan is exposed, from his own want cheap Michael Kors outlet of experience, as well as from the selfishness, envy, malice, and base indifference of mankind. To http://www.louisvuitton-sunglassess.com secure a favourable prepossession, I have allowed him the advantages of birth and education, which in Michael Kors Outlet the series of his misfortunes will, I hope, engage the ingenuous more warmly in his behalf; Louis Vuitton Bags 2015 and though I foresee, that some people will be offended at the mean scenes in which michael kors he is involved, I persuade myself that the judicious will not only perceive the necessity of Louis Vuitton Handbags outlet describing those situations to which he must of course be confined, in his low estate, but http://www.michaelkorsoutlets-mk.com also find entertainment in viewing those parts of life, where the humours and passions are undisguised LV Bags by affectation, ceremony, or education; and the whimsical peculiarities of disposition appear as nature has implanted Louis Vuitton Outlet online them. But I believe I need not trouble myself in vindicating a practice authorized by the michael kors outlet online sale best writers in this way, some of whom I have already named
related links: