Diego, God, drugs and lynchings

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At the moment it seems a very God-like coup. It was a perfectly executed piece of political manoeuvring that even the snakelike Argentine president Christina Kirschner would have admired.

Speaking in Tblisi, a city that's no stranger to a bit of political intrigue, Diego Maradona, el Diez (10), el Dios (God), announced that he would be managing the national seleccion.

And although there was a slight asterisk in his statement to the ever-loyal press (*he hasn't actually been offered the job yet), Argentina began to celebrate.

If anyone could turn around the squad's poor performances of late, it was God himself. First he created the world, then he created football and now he is coaching some of the greatest 11 players ever put on a pitch together.

And if it doesn't work, well, he can rain down plagues and disease on the opponents.

"You there! Run or die!" 

As you can tell, in Argentina, it's hard to overestimate the power Diego holds over the nation.

Despite being a bloated, unreliable, former drug addict with a penchant for shooting journalists (and I'm aware that I may get lynched and hanged from the Bombonera for saying that), he is deemed by the nation as the perfect person to lead the squad.

Let's ignore the fact his previous soirees as manager ended in poor showings at Racing Club and Deportivo Mandiyu, he knows football! He knows how to win! Whatever the, erm, expense!

And if AFA head Julio Grondona instead gives the job on a permanent basis to U20 coach Sergio Batista (who will apparently pick the side for the November 19 friendly in Scotland), then he'll be swinging alongside me at the Bombonera.

The announcement will be made on November 4, but Maradona has already made the decision for Grondona. And if politics doesn't work, there's always the Jedi mind-trick.