Football match not fair test of which team is better at football, sighing Mourinho explains
A weary Jose Mourinho has patiently explained why Manchester City’s derby win definitely doesn’t mean they are better at football than Manchester United.
City came out 3-1 victors in Sunday’s encounter and moved two points clear at the top of the Premier League table, but Mourinho insists that only a fool would interpret that as proof that Pep Guardiola’s men are a superior team.
“It’s hard to believe that anyone would fall into the trap of believing a game of football between two teams can be used to prove which of those teams is better [at football], Mourinho told FourFourTwo.
“There are many, many ways you can try to determine which team is better but none of those involve playing a match of football – that’s the last thing you should do.
“How are they better? Because they scored more ‘goals’ than us on a given day with a neutral arbiter and mutually agreed rules? Because they have 12 more points than us in the ‘table’?
“If there is any true way to compare two teams’ relative merits, which I believe there isn’t, it is through empty rhetoric and sneering hypotheticals.”
However, Mourinho did concede that a football match may be taken seriously should the Premier League crack down on its lax pre-match rules, and instead send teams into quarantine for the week before a match.
“If we want to make this a real empirical test then the game should have really been played under proper test conditions,” Mourinho barked.
“Ideally both teams should have been locked away for a week in a laboratory where they can’t be influenced by the outside world.
“They should be fed the exact same number of calories, should be locked in equal-sized pods day and night, and should only be allowed to post the same generic epithets on social media.
“Oh, and the game should be played at zero gravity. Obviously.”
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Mourinho clarified that should these conditions be met, he would acknowledge the winning side to be superior, as long as they won over 50 per cent of a 100-match sample which would then be reviewed by a team of peers for inaccuracies.
Cynics will say that Mourinho’s angry comments during the 2015/16 pre-season tour of Mars, when he insisted nothing could be learned from playing an exhibition match against Real Madrid on Hellas Planitia, undermine his latest outburst.
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