La Liga Loca’s hallucinating, satisfaction demanding weekend predictions

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Sevilla (10th) v Levante (19th)

A rather manic sounding Marca are claiming that Real Madrid should have had 19 penalties this season, so Merciful Zeus - LLL can only imagine what would have been written in the paper if José Mourinho and the club had suffered the same treatment that Levante have been receiving from the men in black (or yellow) in recent weeks.

Offside goals being given against them, iffy penalties to the opposition and last but by no means least, a quickly taken free kick and subsequent goal disallowed for the Valencia side against Zaragoza, last week, as the dithering official wasn’t quite ready.

Levante’s eternally frustrated coach Luis García reacted to the most recent slight by flapping his arms about on the touchline shouting ‘it’s a goal! It’s a goal!” not without good cause. However, this evil, most heinous of acts the likes of which we do not wish to see in the game, as the Beeb would probably pontificate, has landed García in hot water with the Spanish FA who gave him a two match touchline ban.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (1st) v Racing Santander (14th)

Soon to join Málaga in the money bags stakes are the unlikely figures of Racing Santander, with the Cantabrian club leaving other buyable targets such as Getafe standing in the rain with their mascara running as they're picked up by a mysterious foreign type, instead.

The gentleman in question is from India and goes by the name of Ahsan Ali Syed and apparently is a billionaire whose “dream has always been to own a club and watch them play.” It was very nearly Blackburn Rovers, last summer, before they eventually chose other suitors - perhaps because of a BBC investigation into Ahsan Ali Syed’s financial affairs - but it seems that Racing have now captured his heart.

The deal worth €21m is set to go through on Monday with the current Racing president, Francisco Pernía, claiming that a place in Europe is the eventual goal for the club. But as is the nature of all things in la Liga, the blog already suspects that this may be a story that’s one to watch for all the wrong reasons.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Valencia (4th) v Málaga (16th)

You’d have thought that the Valencia bosses would be spiffed to pieces about the job that Unai Emery is doing at the club having guided the men from Mestalla into the Champions League, last season, and into the knock-out stages this time around.

But it would appear not as Emery’s contract is due to run out at the end of the year and as yet there has been no movement with club president, Manuel Llorente, on extending it, says the madcap manager who also reveals that their relationship is fiery to say the least. “I speak with the president a lot, sometimes with a smile on my face and other times with a knife between the teeth. He’s the same.”

Meanwhile, striker Roberto Soldado revealed that Saturday night could be a very good one indeed for Lady Soldado, should he find the back of the net against Málaga. “When I score my body demands satisfaction after,” smutted the former Madrid forward.

LLL Prediction - Home win


Sporting (17th) v Atlético Madrid (6th)

Due to a very untimely bout of stomach flu, LLL wasn’t able to get to the Vicente Calderón in the end for Thursday’s Copa del Rey clash. But it did hallucinate wildly that Diego Forlán was in the blog’s flat forcing it to barf on a regular basis. Which is something that doesn’t happen every day.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Zaragoza (18th) v Deportivo (13th)

And it’s a big thank you to Jermaine Pennant for the wonderful story that enforced everyone's preconceptions of top-flight footballers - far too rich for their own good - after forgetting about his Porche and leaving it in the car park of Zaragoza’s railway station for five months, so desperate was the winger to get out of Spain and into Stoke last summer.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Getafe (9th) v Espanyol (5th)

Saturday’s dreadful 4-0 home defeat to Real Sociedad has lead to a period of severe navel-gazing at the Coliseum over the ridiculously topsy-turvy nature of Getafe’s campaign with the side following four league wins at the end of 2010 with four three defeats and a draw in the new year including a Copa Del Rey loss to Betis.

“Sometimes we’re like a children’s team, capable of the best and the worst,” noted a solemn Adrián Colunga.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Almería (20th) v Osasuna (15th)

A big LLL pat on the back to Almería who have made it into the Copa del Rey semifinals after doing the universe an enormous favour and disposing of Deportivo in their two legged tie. The blog just hopes that more than 3,000 home fans turn up to watch Almería take on Barcelona - the amount that bothered to get off their backsides a week ago in the home leg against Miguel Angel Lotina’s men.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (2nd) v Mallorca (8th)

José Mourinho has shown this week that he is the big dawg to Jorge Valdano’s puppy, once and for all. When the Madrid boss complained on Wednesday that he didn’t like receiving messages from the club’s Director General in the press, the Argentinean should have opened a can of whup-ass on his employee. Instead, Valdano claimed that, “my turn of phrase was not interpreted as a message, that was not my intention.”

Mourinho’s response was to claim after the 1-0 win after Atleti that there were no guarantees of him staying for another year at the Bernabeu. “A lot depends on the cooperation,” mused the soon to be departing Madrid manager.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Villarreal (3rd) v Real Sociedad (11th)

Real Sociedad midfielder, Antoine Griezmann is picking up quite a collection of goal celebrations. His first was to run to a car parked by the pitch in La Anoeta and pretend to drive off in it. The Frenchman’s most recent was to feel the wrath of Getafe fans by celebrating his strike by pointing to the Basque flag on his sleeve whilst running past the stands.

“I made a mistake and said everything that had to said on it and that’s that,” claimed Griezmann, this week.

LLL Prediction - Home win


Athletic Bilbao (7th) v Hércules (12th)

It was a fine week for happy-clappin’ ‘Jokín’ Caparrós as it saw the hyper-active Athletic Bilbao boss reaching the halfway point of his fourth season in charge of the Basque battlers to become the longest serving coach of the club in eleven years.

“It’s unusual to be with a team for so long in this sport and profession,” admitted the Andalusian coach. “It’s felt like a short time, though, as I’ve been enjoying myself.”

Over in Alicante, the Hércules footballers are waiting to see if yet another promise from the club’s bosses over a payment date is set to be broken with outstanding salaries supposedly being handed over before the end of the week.

“What we want is more information. They owe us money and it is the club who should be talking, not us,” explained Hércules forward, Tote - suggestion that a boisterous, spirited performance away from home may not be on the cards for his side on Monday night.

LLL Prediction - Home win