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Liverpool players enjoy first taste of actual football

The young players Jurgen Klopp called up for Liverpool’s FA Cup tie with Exeter City have spoken of how much they enjoyed the game in short, high-pitched sentences.

Facing a shortage of available players, Klopp was forced to field a side with an average age of 11, many of whom had limited experience of the FA Cup, several of whom had never played, or indeed seen, a game of football before.

“I had a great time,” Ryan Kent, aged five, told FFT. “It was the bestest thing ever.

“Because we got two [goals] and [the] other ones [got] two [goals] we get to play again [there will be a replay]. 

“I’m hoping Daddy [Jurgen Klopp] lets me play.”


Our team is going to have five dragons and a unicorn in it

On the whole the newcomers acquitted themselves well, and although Tiago Ilori had a tantrum at one point and it appeared that Connor Randall may have wet himself just before half-time, by the end of the game most of Klopp’s boys understood the majority of the game's rules.

“When I grow up I want to be a footballer,” Kevin Stewart, aged six-and-three-quarters, told FFT.

“I want to play for Liverpool and I want to win the Champions League. And our team is going to have five dragons and a unicorn in it. 

“No, wait that’s too silly. I want to finish third in the league and lose in the final of the Capital One Cup.”

With fixture congestion becoming an issue, there are suggestions that Klopp will go younger still for the replay and field several players from the U4 side and two promising foetuses currently on loan at MK Dons.

Please note: This satirical news story is not real. But you knew that already, right?

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