Premier Sketch: Hat-tricks, Christmas cards & sexism

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The top end of the table saw mixed fortunes for the two Manchester clubs this weekend; United continued to astound everyone with their unbeaten run, with opponents Birmingham City giving them a helping hand in the opening minutes.

The Blues’ defence went missing quicker than Harry Redknapp’s wallet, allowing Bulgarian striker Dimitar Berbatov to show fellow forward Wayne Rooney how itt’s done with another hat trick.

But it wasn’t just the Blues defence who were in a generous mood; it was such a stroll for United that Alex Ferguson even decided to give part time footballer Michael Owen a run out. He’s just so thoughtful you know.

Things weren’t so rosy for Roberto Mancini’s City at Villa Park, as once again an error from keeper Joe Hart cost City all three points and gifted Aston Villa a much-needed win.

Debutant Darren Bent snatched the winner which no doubt will make up for being struck off Steve Bruce’s Christmas card list. Bruce spent the week bent out of shape and I’m not just talking about his nose; apparently Bent should have shown him a little more respect and stayed at Sunderland.

You can be sure that fans of Sheffield United, Wigan, Huddersfield, Crystal Palace, and Wigan again will be feeling plenty of sympathy with their former boss.

There’s a good chance that FIFA will be calling Sky’s Richard Keys and Andy Gray after their “Off air” comments about Sian Massey, the female referee’s assistant at Molineux for the visit of Liverpool, but Sepp Blatter probably won’t be berating the sexist duo, he’ll be giving them a firm handshake and asking them out for a drink.

According to Sky’s top football presenters, women shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near football as they don’t have a clue about the offside rule; one of the things that they seem to be forgetting is that Howard Webb and his male counterparts are ridiculed by fans, commentators, players, and managers for their mistakes and dreadful decisions in the Premier League almost every week.

Kenny Dalglish’s daughter Kelly Cates, who has more knowledge of football than Richard Keys in her little finger gave this tremendous response on Twitter after the game, “Phew am exhausted, just read about something called 'the offside rule’. Too much for my tiny brain. Must be damaged from nail polish fumes.”

But all in all it was a great weekend for the Dalglish family; Liverpool’s 3-0 victory at Molyneux was their first win under Dalglish’s reign, or as some journalists spun it “Dalglish’s first win as a Liverpool manager for 20 years.”

This dipping volley from Raul Meireles was without doubt the goal of the weekend…