Shelvey makes team-mates tea, spills tea, mops it up, bins perfectly reusable cloth
Swansea were left to rue what might have been after midfielder Jonjo Shelvey’s generous tea-making mission was marred by a series of uncharacteristic errors.
Striding purposefully into the kitchen at Swansea’s training ground, Shelvey won plaudits for his charismatic declaration that he would make tea or coffee for anyone present.
“Jon [Jonjo]’s shown great vision and seen an opportunity where most of us just saw a kettle, a tap, some milk and three labelled plastic containers,” teammate Wayne Routledge told FourFourTwo.
“He’s got himself into a great position and made the most of it, offering each of us the caffeinated beverage of our choice. It’s given us all a massive lift.”
However, much to his team-mates’ dismay, Shelvey was to turn glory into ignominy in a disastrous two-minute spell.
“Jo [Jonjo]’s done all the hard work, brewed it to perfection, added a liberal dash of milk to create cups of strong yet immediately drinkable tea and remembered each of our preferences in terms of sugar, but as he’s started to bring them over it’s become clear there was a spillage,” Leon Britton recalled.
“To be fair to the Shelving Unit [Jonjo Shelvey], he’s immediately responded and minimised the impact of the spillage, preventing it spreading with delicate strokes of the cloth while shouting loud, incomprehensible orders and pointing to his head. It really looked like he had things under control again.”
But at the last minute Shelvey again slipped up, pitching the sodden cloth into the bin despite it having been brought out of the cupboard under the sink only hours earlier.
“He knows better than anyone what a waste that is,” manager Michael Laudrup continued. “With a good wash and left unfolded rather than screwed up that cloth had a good week or so left in it.
“But the lad’s only 21. At that age I was still putting a wet spoon into the sugar bowl.”
Laudrup flatly refused to comment on reports that Michu received a cup of Darjeeling tea rather than his requested Assam and again opted not to field any questions on whether Jonjo is actually a name.