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Footballers' names
Pelé was one of the greatest footballers to ever play the game, but many people won’t even have heard of his real name: Edson Arantes do Nascimento.
He’s not the only Brazilian player who’s commonly known by a shorter epithet (‘Kaka’ is certainly less of a mouthful than Ricardo Izecson dos Santos Leite), and there are numerous other examples of footballers whose names aren’t really what you think they are.
Tammy Abraham
The Chelsea loanee has caught the eye for Swansea at times this season, although he’s struggled for game time under Carlos Carvalhal in recent weeks. The striker may not be part of the Portuguese’s first-choice XI at present, but Kevin Oghenetega Tamaraebi Bakumo-Abraham surely ranks near the top of the Swansea list as far as names are concerned.
Louis van Gaal
"The fans are shouting every week: 'Louis van Gaal's army!'", exclaimed the Dutchman during one of his many entertaining press conferences as Manchester United manager. Even if Red Devils wanted to sing Aloysius Paulus Maria van Gaal's full name, they'd have struggled to find a tune to fit.
Joe Hart
West Ham’s loanee goalkeeper is struggling for game time in the Premier League this season, a situation which looks set to cost him a place in England’s World Cup team. Perhaps a rebrand is in order – demanding to be known as Charles Joseph John Hart from this day forward could inspire an upturn in the custodian’s fortunes.
Shaka Hislop
We always thought the former Newcastle, West Ham and Portsmouth goalkeeper had one of the coolest Christian names in the Premier League, but in fact the opposite is true. Neil Shaka Hislop played 221 games in England’s top flight and currently works as a pundit for ESPN in the United States.
Pierre van Hooijdonk
Best known in England for going on strike at Nottingham Forest in the late 1990s, Petrus Ferdinandus Johannes van Hooijdonk won silverware at Celtic, Feyenoord and Fenerbahce in an 18-year playing career. The Dutchman also earned 46 caps for his country and was part of the Netherlands squad for the 1998 World Cup.
Mark Hughes
The Welshman was sacked by Stoke in January 2018 after failing to keep the Potters clear of relegation trouble in the Premier League. His P45 presumably featured the ex-Manchester United and Chelsea striker’s full, legal name: Leslie Mark Hughes. As he explained to FourFourTwo in 2007, "Leslie is my father's name. I was going to be Mark Leslie Hughes, but maybe it looked better on the birth certificate."
Bixente Lizarazu
Institutionalised racism ahoy! The ex-Bordeaux and Bayern Munich defender told FourFourTwo in 2017 that he once came close to joining Manchester United, but the Lilliputian left-back didn’t reveal the fact that his name is officially Vincent Lizarazu. The 97-time France international won the 1998 World Cup and Euro 2000 with his country, but he comes from proud Basque stock – so imagine their horror when the registrar refused to record his birth name as Bixente and filed him under the French equivalent instead.
Charlie Oatway
Take a deep breath before reading the former Brighton midfielder’s full name: Anthony Philip David Terry Frank Donald Stanley Gerry Gordon Stephen James Oatway. He has 11 official monikers to choose from because his parents opted to name him after QPR's 1973 team, but the Shanghai Shenhua analyst rejected them all in favour of ‘Charlie’.
Jaap Stam
The Dutchman was one of the best – and hardest – centre-backs the Premier League has seen, winning three titles in a row with Manchester United before his premature sale to Lazio. Currently in charge of Reading, Jakob Stam is under pressure amidst an underwhelming campaign in the Championship.
