75% of all TV programming is Gareth Bale

 There's no escaping the Tottenham winger...

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Three out of every four television programmes now involve Tottenham star Gareth Bale, an independent watchdog has revealed.

The Welsh international continued his magnificent season with a spectacular last-minute winner on Monday evening to round off a virtuoso performance as Spurs beat West Ham 3-2. And it seems that Bale'™s efforts have struck a chord with the nation'™s media.

Several of Tuesday'™s papers compared him favourably to the likes of Jimmy Greaves, Dave Mackay and Mahatma Gandhi. Even The Sun, usually renowned for its level-headed approach to reportage, labelled his goal '˜the greatest achievement in human history'™.

Sky Sports News dedicated 12 uninterrupted hours to replays of Bale'™s wonder strike, pausing only to preview a further hour of replays of the goal and allow clumsy, mechanical flirtation between its dead-eyed hosts.

Meanwhile the BBC'™s website offered to option to view the site in '˜Bale mode'™ where every news story was in some way connected to Gareth Bale.

A report from a TV watchdog states that 75% of TV broadcasts on Tuesday contained Bale, 20% featured omnipresent Scottish songstress Emeli Sandé and 5% were crossovers involving both. The conclusion of the report stated that 'presently, any person in the United Kingdom with their eyes open will be looking at Bale or Sandé in some capacity'.

With Tottenham hosting rivals Arsenal in Sunday's crucial North London derby, the Bale machine is set to go into overdrive. Channel 4 will screen Bale Jumpers -“ a hastily produced two-hour documentary on the flair player'™s favourite sweatshirts -“ while BBC Four'™s Christian Bale? is a three-hour exploration of the impact the Great Schism of 1054 may have had on the Welshman'™s recent form.