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Bridge has “no regrets” thanks to amazing lack of imagination

Reading's summer signing Wayne Bridge says he has “no regrets” about his career, owing to his contented family life, positive mental attitude and complete inability to imagine a world different in any way to the one he lives in.


Bridge's stop-start career has left many pundits lamenting his unfulfilled early promise. Despite winning three major trophies and 36 caps for his country, many believe the 33-year-old could have achieved so much more.


“Back in 2003 when I signed for Chelsea, everyone thought I’d push on and become one of the best left-backs in the world, but of course it didn’t work out like that,” Bridge told Back of the Net.


“But I’ve got no regrets. You only live once, so why waste time thinking about the fact that I’ve wasted much of my fleeting and infinitely precious youth sitting on various Premier League benches, gradually turning into a punchline?”


Experts, however, confirmed Bridge ought to have a significant number of regrets about how his career has turned out.


“Anyone can see that staying at Chelsea after losing his first-team place was a mistake,” said psychologist Dr. Jim Hayden.


“Being rapidly discarded at Manchester City is something he really ought to regret too. West Ham and Sunderland were clearly mistakes, and I’m amazed that the debacle against Croatia in 2008 doesn’t provoke tears of bitter sorrow. And we haven’t even mentioned the John Terry thing yet.


“The list is basically endless,” Hayden continued. “How can he look back on a career spent playing League Cup matches and Champions League dead rubbers without feeling at least a little bit depressed? He doesn’t seem to be aware of it, which is perhaps the biggest tragedy of all.”