The Bumper Midweek Predictions - Round 4

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Barcelona (9th) vs Betis (16th)

If Barcelona fans were already mopping their brows in relief after their six goal-gazzumping of Sporting, then they must be throwing their hats in the air like extras in Chariots of Fire over the latest news that has crept out of the Camp Nou.

(Trumpet fanfare) - Samuel Eto’o is very happy with the coach. And what’s more, Samuel Eto’o is also very happy with the team.

Well whoopedy doo, says La Liga Loca in response. Everything’s all right then.

Happy chappy? La Liga Loca couldn't give two hoots

Eto’o must also be delighted with having been named as one of the official back-up, back-up captains of this year’s squad, along with Marquez, Messi

The real, proper, grown-up captains are Puyol, Xavi, Valdés and Iniesta. So that’s eight of them then. It’s either a wonderful example of democracy in action or another blame-avoiding, keep everyone happy scam concocted by the Barça bigwigs.

In other news, Betis majority shareholder, Darth Manuel de Lopera has undergone successful surgery on a back problem. Either that or his money belt had gradually migrated into his intestinal tract through years of misuse and had to be removed with a blow torch.

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Villarreal (3rd) vs Racing Santander (17th)

Best start to the season in Villarreal’s history.... Rossi set to return.... more action for Nihat.... Pires complaining about not playing for France.

More important though is this question. Was La Liga Loca seeing things again or is the new series of Big Brother being set in a rat-infested trailer park? If so, then the blog is about to be published on a fortnightly basis.

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Osasuna (15th) vs Deportivo (11th)

And if La Liga Loca had to sit through this game, the blog would cease to exist completely having shoved a broomstick through its brain on the 15 minute mark.

Deportivo manager, Miguel Angel Lotina has been reflecting on Sunday’s red card fest against Mallorca. And having managed to see some scenes of the hardcore action in La Riazor, the blog can confirm that, like Ever Banega on a night-in, there were some very lively tackles on display.

And that’s the way it should be, says Lotina. “If you don’t want to get hit then take up Ludo,” sniffed the Deportivo doom-mongerer.

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Getafe (8th) vs Atlético Madrid (5th)

It’s been an action-packed start in Joffre Guerrón’s European adventure. Having arrived with great fanfare from Quito, the Getafe winger has already made quite a name for himself.

Ahead of a pre-season friendly against Olympiakos in Athens, Joffre went for a stroll without his phone to find the Acropolis. Being a footballer, he was lost within seconds and only just made it back to the hotel before the Getafe party had to leave for the game.

On Saturday, the story continued when the Ecuadorian was involved in a punch-up with team-mate Licht during the warm up ahead of the Espanyol game. And on Tuesday, Guerrón was at it again by squaring up to Celestini during training.

“He’s an impulsive player who is adapting to Spanish football,” explained Getafe manager Víctor Muñoz

LLL Prediction - Away win

Guerrón: "Impulsive" - That's one way of putting it  

Sevilla (7th) vs Espanyol (4th)

Ever wondered what Paul from Barcelona gets up to when not losing his mind in the Montjuic or plotting against Joan Laporta? Then wonder no more.

A ‘study’ has found that Espanyol fans are the most sexually intense football supporters in the Primera Liga. It seems that anything goes for those pervy Pericos after - and quite possibly during - Espanyol games, if their last matches are anything to go by.

The crinkly old cronies of the survey are those fun loving Navarrans, Osasuna fans - a group of supporters completely unaware that a Basque is also an item of naughty bedroom attire.

Barcelona supporters are in at 8th - penalised by the fact they only show up for encounters when it’s not raining and there’s nothing better on TV.

And Real Madrid are in a lowly 11th, due to their tendency to start booing when nothing happens after 10 minutes.

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Real Madrid (6th) vs Sporting (20th)

La Liga Loca recalls that one of the few pleasures of living in Blighty was not having to witness people with moustaches on an hourly basis.

Although a few years back the blog was shocked to see that the then popular Franz Ferdinand and The Killers had sparked off a trend of bum fluff ‘taches on the nation’s indie kids.

It is currently mid-morning in sunny Spain and the blog has already seen a multitude of moustaches - on bus drivers, newspaper sellers, grandmothers...

Looking at a preview of Wednesday’s clash between Real Madrid and Sporting in AS and two more ‘taches are on display - those belonging to Bernd Schuster and Manolo Preciado.

Whilst the German’s is a fairly wispy affair, the Sporting coach’s is a full-on Basil Fawlty, Stalin, ‘you could hide the Russian fleet in there’ job.

Preciado: Now that's a moustache 

And it was twitching away on Tuesday as it’s owner contemplated the Bernabeu clash.

“It offends me that you think we do not have a glimmer of hope in this game,” said the coach of a side that has no points and has conceded 12 goals in three games.

“Real Madrid’s style of play might suit us better. Although it’s possible I may have to eat those words,” confessed Preciado in a moment of clarity.

LLL Prediction - Home win.


Malaga (19th) vs Valencia (1st)

With poor old Raúl having been accused of everything from preventing the move of David Villa to the Bernabeu to breaking the Super Collider, a campaign to stop the rot was launched on Tuesday.

The Real Madrid captain took the rare move of going on Radio Marca to deny any veto of the transfer of the Valencia striker. “I only have an opinion which I must give, as a player and a captain,” declared Raúl.

Villa was also on the airwaves on Tuesday, to deny that the Madrid man had anything to do with his failure to move from Mestalla.

“That rumour is not true,” said the striker revealing that a transfer was going to take place, somewhere, until Vicente Soriano convinced him that the club wanted him to stay.

Villa is now looking to the final stages of his career which will either take place in Valencia or his old club. “Sometimes I see Sporting and think I would like to retire there,” said Villa as he imagined happy days of pouring cider from a great height.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Valladolid (13th) vs Almería (2nd)

It seems that being second in the table with seven points from three simply isn’t enough for Almería manager Gonzalo Arconada. He wants sexy football too.

“I have to apologise to the fans for not playing the way we did in the previous two games,” wept the disconsolate Almería man after the 1-0 win over Malaga.

LLL Prediction - Home win.

Recreativo (14th) vs Athletic Bilbao (10th)

This week’s extra special bonus edition of News from Sweden from concerns a fisherman who went out to tickle some trout one afternoon. But came back with an Elk having caught a very dead one on the end of his line.

“I improved my personal best by 490 kilos,” beamed Joel Lagekvist on his catch. “We’ll see what I hook next, a Russian submarine, perhaps?”

LLL Prediction - Draw

"What in the name of..." - That sure ain't no trout 

Mallorca (18th) vs Numancia (12th)

You know that you’ve reached the depths of footballing despair when the Deportivo stadium announcer has started to make fun of you.

That’s exactly what happened on Sunday when the man behind the Riazor mike bellowed that “they only have one Webó and we have 20!” ahead of the goalless clash.

LLL Prediction - Home win.