La Liga Loca's Quotes of the Year – Part Two

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Stop holding your breath! After listing the best quotes from the first six months of what we must now call 'last year', your very own Tim Stannard completes the job…


“It doesn’t help having an orchestra with the 10 best guitarists if I don’t have a pianist” – Manuel Pellegrini treads a path familiar to many a manager at Real Madrid, as the club follows its traditional sporting policy: “Here’s a footballer, minion, now go do something useful with him!”

“I’ve been in the eye of a hurricane since I was 17. There were times I thought about going but then said ‘Where am I going to go?’” – Raul's quandary is quickly answered by Real Madrid’s bosses, whose suggestion of “Anywhere but here, moody chops” forces the club captain to Schalke.

“Mister... I came here to win and with you we can do it!” says Ronaldo lovingly to Jose Mourinho. “I’m going to make you a winner again!” is the gooey response from the manager. That's the emotional interchange between the Galactico pair – as imagined by Marca, anyway – who come over all Mills & Boon on Ronaldo’s return to pre-season training. 
LLL, 28 July: The king is dead. Long live Ronaldo!


“This is going to be my year at Real Madrid” – Turns out Karim Benzema is quite right, as long as by "my year" the lackadaisical Frenchman meant “score just one league goal and be publicly insulted by my boss for being a lazy so-and-so”.

“Let them prove this, and if they do let them punish us, but they won’t as there is nothing” – Hercules player Tote already knows that absolutely nothing will be done by those running the game in Spain after another match-fixing scandal (involving the Alicante side’s promotion from la Segunda) is swept under the carpet.

“If something happens to Higuain or Benzema, then we’ll have a problem” – The Special One with a special prediction that four months later causes a falling out with his bosses over the signing of a new striker when the Argentinian comes a cropper with a back injury.

“If I’m feeling a bit low then I put it on again” – Andres Iniesta reveals that he gets happy watching the DVD of his World Cup-winning goal if the he ever has to spent too much time in the company of grouchy Victor Valdes.

"C'mon, grumpy, dance! Dance!! DANCE!!!!"


“I recognise that I don’t have the talents of my teammates in the Spanish side... I see Iniesta playing and all the others and think ‘I’d pay to watch them’” – Joan Capdevila is very much the modest man in reflecting on the summer’s World Cup victory.

“I’m here for 10 days of holiday” – Ordering Esteban Granero to run around some cones during the international break isn’t a great strain for Jose Mourinho, who claims he could combine some Bernabeu baby-sitting with looking after the Portugal team in their time of crisis.

“He is egotistical. I will say that, but not in a bad way” – Iker Casillas gives his full support to better half Sara Carbonero, who claimed in an interview that Cristiano Ronaldo was, like a narcissistic opera singer warming up, all "Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!".

“We were watching a Premier League game and in 10 minutes there were four or five similar tackles but there were no cards” – Aitor Ocio laments the ‘contact equals yellow’ ruling of la Liga’s clown posse of match-ruining referees after colleague Fernando Amorebieta saw red in a 3-1 defeat against Barça.

“I don’t have to justify the absence of Pedro León to you” – Having left the Madrid midfielder out of the Champions League squad to face Auxerre, Jose Mourinho fails to realise that if he won't get a quiet life in the press unless he explains himself.
LLL (with video), 28 September: Jose Mourinho finally gets mad


“If a good offer comes along, I’ll study it” – Diego Forlan gets himself into a spot of hot water with his bosses and fans after this admission on the chances of him moving back to England for another crack at the Premier League.

“He didn’t hit me, but it could have hurt had he done it” – Almeria’s Juanma Ortiz comes up with a Minority Report excuse for his face-clutching dive after getting Malaga’s Eliseu sent off.

“When it comes to sex, I’m very old-school. I’m old-school and boring in everything” – Real Sociedad coach Martin Lasarte takes the concept of a revealing interview to the extreme, as Mrs Lasarte nods her head sadly.

"Let's give 'im the benefit of our expeeeerience..."

“Pep’s renewal will not be a soap opera” – An insanely hopeful prediction from Sport, considering the paper is still running stories on the Barça boss’ next contract deal.

“You can’t imagine the headache I have planning training with no pitches” – Hercules manager Esteban Vigo thinks he has problems, but they got worse: he and his squad went unpaid, forcing on-loan Royston Drenthe to return to Real Madrid.

“They have manipulated the accounts we presented” – Joan Laporta responds to accusations from the new Barcelona board that his supposed end-of-year profit was nothing of the sort.


“After two years most of my hair fell out. Imagine what it’ll be like after 50!” – Pep Guardiola responds to Jose Mourinho’s suggestion that the Barça boss should stay at the Camp Nou for the next half a century.
LLL, 10 November: The only coach who loves La Liga life

“I was possibly a bit hard and went too far, but deep down I’m proud of what I said and would say it again” – Sporting manager Manuel Preciado regrets nada having called Jose Mourinho a ‘scumbag’ for his suggestions that his Asturian side gave up in a clash against Barça at the Camp Nou by fielding a weakened team.

“Let’s see if they score eight on Monday!” – Reacting to Barcelona's 8-0 win over Almeria in the game before a certain Clasico clash, Cristiano Ronaldo is quite right: Barça only manage to put five past Real Madrid.


“Manuel Preciado should call Mourinho and ask why he let Barcelona win” – After Real Madrid’s Clasico outclassing, professional cheeky-chappy (ie nut-job) and Osasuna striker Walter Pandiani gets out the stirring spoon.

“We have to do this to pay the salaries!” – Sandro Rosell pleads poverty as the reason for the Barcelona upsetting a few socios by signing a five-year €165m deal with the Qatar Foundation.

“Barça is no longer 'more than a club', it’s just like any other club” – Johan Cruyff, perhaps still a tad touchy some five months after incoming president Sandro Rosell took away his shiny president-of-honour badge.

“I’d have preferred to watch a game in the Vietnamese League on Eurosport than this” – A remarkably grumpy Jose Mourinho fails to enjoy his team’s 1-0 over Sevilla that preceded a rant against his bosses and the league’s referees.

“Mourinho is a cry baby” – Unai Emery doesn't hold water with his Portuguese colleague’s theory that the country’s referees are out to get Real Madrid’s men.

La Liga Loca's Quotes of the Year - Part One