La Liga Loca's Quotes of the Year Ã¢ÂÂ Part Two
Ã¢ÂÂIt doesnÃ¢ÂÂt help having an orchestra with the 10 best guitarists if I donÃ¢ÂÂt have a pianistÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Manuel Pellegrini treads a path familiar to many a manager at Real Madrid, as the club follows its traditional sporting policy: Ã¢ÂÂHereÃ¢ÂÂs a footballer, minion, now go do something useful with him!Ã¢ÂÂ
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂve been in the eye of a hurricane since I was 17. There were times I thought about going but then said Ã¢ÂÂWhere am I going to go?Ã¢ÂÂÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Raul's quandary is quickly answered by Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂs bosses, whose suggestion of Ã¢ÂÂAnywhere but here, moody chopsÃ¢ÂÂ forces the club captain to Schalke.
Ã¢ÂÂMister... I came here to win and with you we can do it!Ã¢ÂÂ says Ronaldo lovingly to Jose Mourinho. Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm going to make you a winner again!Ã¢ÂÂ is the gooey response from the manager. That's the emotional interchange between the Galactico pair Ã¢ÂÂ as imagined by Marca, anyway Ã¢ÂÂ who come over all Mills & Boon on RonaldoÃ¢ÂÂs return to pre-season training.
LLL, 28 July: The king is dead. Long live Ronaldo!
Ã¢ÂÂThis is going to be my year at Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Turns out Karim Benzema is quite right, as long as by "my year" the lackadaisical Frenchman meant Ã¢ÂÂscore just one league goal and be publicly insulted by my boss for being a lazy so-and-soÃ¢ÂÂ.
Ã¢ÂÂLet them prove this, and if they do let them punish us, but they wonÃ¢ÂÂt as there is nothingÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Hercules player Tote already knows that absolutely nothing will be done by those running the game in Spain after another match-fixing scandal (involving the Alicante sideÃ¢ÂÂs promotion from la Segunda) is swept under the carpet.
Ã¢ÂÂIf something happens to Higuain or Benzema, then weÃ¢ÂÂll have a problemÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ The Special One with a special prediction that four months later causes a falling out with his bosses over the signing of a new striker when the Argentinian comes a cropper with a back injury.
Ã¢ÂÂIf IÃ¢ÂÂm feeling a bit low then I put it on againÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Andres Iniesta reveals that he gets happy watching the DVD of his World Cup-winning goal if the he ever has to spent too much time in the company of grouchy Victor Valdes.
"C'mon, grumpy, dance! Dance!! DANCE!!!!"
Ã¢ÂÂI recognise that I donÃ¢ÂÂt have the talents of my teammates in the Spanish side... I see Iniesta playing and all the others and think Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂd pay to watch themÃ¢ÂÂÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Joan Capdevila is very much the modest man in reflecting on the summerÃ¢ÂÂs World Cup victory.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm here for 10 days of holidayÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Ordering Esteban Granero to run around some cones during the international break isnÃ¢ÂÂt a great strain for Jose Mourinho, who claims he could combine some Bernabeu baby-sitting with looking after the Portugal team in their time of crisis.
Ã¢ÂÂHe is egotistical. I will say that, but not in a bad wayÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Iker Casillas gives his full support to better half Sara Carbonero, who claimed in an interview that Cristiano Ronaldo was, like a narcissistic opera singer warming up, all "Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!".
Ã¢ÂÂWe were watching a Premier League game and in 10 minutes there were four or five similar tackles but there were no cardsÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Aitor Ocio laments the Ã¢ÂÂcontact equals yellowÃ¢ÂÂ ruling of la LigaÃ¢ÂÂs clown posse of match-ruining referees after colleague Fernando Amorebieta saw red in a 3-1 defeat against BarÃÂ§a.
Ã¢ÂÂI donÃ¢ÂÂt have to justify the absence of Pedro LeÃÂ³n to youÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Having left the Madrid midfielder out of the Champions League squad to face Auxerre, Jose Mourinho fails to realise that if he won't get a quiet life in the press unless he explains himself.
LLL (with video), 28 September: Jose Mourinho finally gets mad
Ã¢ÂÂIf a good offer comes along, IÃ¢ÂÂll study itÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Diego Forlan gets himself into a spot of hot water with his bosses and fans after this admission on the chances of him moving back to England for another crack at the Premier League.
Ã¢ÂÂHe didnÃ¢ÂÂt hit me, but it could have hurt had he done itÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ AlmeriaÃ¢ÂÂs Juanma Ortiz comes up with a Minority Report excuse for his face-clutching dive after getting MalagaÃ¢ÂÂs Eliseu sent off.
Ã¢ÂÂWhen it comes to sex, IÃ¢ÂÂm very old-school. IÃ¢ÂÂm old-school and boring in everythingÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Real Sociedad coach Martin Lasarte takes the concept of a revealing interview to the extreme, as Mrs Lasarte nods her head sadly.
"Let's give 'im the benefit of our expeeeerience..."
Ã¢ÂÂPepÃ¢ÂÂs renewal will not be a soap operaÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ An insanely hopeful prediction from Sport, considering the paper is still running stories on the BarÃÂ§a bossÃ¢ÂÂ next contract deal.
Ã¢ÂÂYou canÃ¢ÂÂt imagine the headache I have planning training with no pitchesÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Hercules manager Esteban Vigo thinks he has problems, but they got worse: he and his squad went unpaid, forcing on-loan Royston Drenthe to return to Real Madrid.
Ã¢ÂÂThey have manipulated the accounts we presentedÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Joan Laporta responds to accusations from the new Barcelona board that his supposed end-of-year profit was nothing of the sort.
Ã¢ÂÂAfter two years most of my hair fell out. Imagine what itÃ¢ÂÂll be like after 50!Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Pep Guardiola responds to Jose MourinhoÃ¢ÂÂs suggestion that the BarÃÂ§a boss should stay at the Camp Nou for the next half a century.
LLL, 10 November: The only coach who loves La Liga life
Ã¢ÂÂI was possibly a bit hard and went too far, but deep down IÃ¢ÂÂm proud of what I said and would say it againÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Sporting manager Manuel Preciado regrets nada having called Jose Mourinho a Ã¢ÂÂscumbagÃ¢ÂÂ for his suggestions that his Asturian side gave up in a clash against BarÃÂ§a at the Camp Nou by fielding a weakened team.
Ã¢ÂÂLetÃ¢ÂÂs see if they score eight on Monday!Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Reacting to Barcelona's 8-0 win over Almeria in the game before a certain Clasico clash, Cristiano Ronaldo is quite right: BarÃÂ§a only manage to put five past Real Madrid.
Ã¢ÂÂManuel Preciado should call Mourinho and ask why he let Barcelona winÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ After Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂs Clasico outclassing, professional cheeky-chappy (ie nut-job) and Osasuna striker Walter Pandiani gets out the stirring spoon.
Ã¢ÂÂWe have to do this to pay the salaries!Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Sandro Rosell pleads poverty as the reason for the Barcelona upsetting a few socios by signing a five-year Ã¢ÂÂ¬165m deal with the Qatar Foundation.
Ã¢ÂÂBarÃÂ§a is no longer 'more than a club', itÃ¢ÂÂs just like any other clubÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Johan Cruyff, perhaps still a tad touchy some five months after incoming president Sandro Rosell took away his shiny president-of-honour badge.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂd have preferred to watch a game in the Vietnamese League on Eurosport than thisÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ A remarkably grumpy Jose Mourinho fails to enjoy his teamÃ¢ÂÂs 1-0 over Sevilla that preceded a rant against his bosses and the leagueÃ¢ÂÂs referees.
Ã¢ÂÂMourinho is a cry babyÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ Unai Emery doesn't hold water with his Portuguese colleagueÃ¢ÂÂs theory that the countryÃ¢ÂÂs referees are out to get Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂs men.