Having heard a £28 million joint bid for Marouane Fellaini and Leighton Baines described as “derisory and insulting”, Manchester United are planning a new raid on the Everton pair by submitting a derisory bid for Belgian midfielder Fellaini, and an insulting one for England full-back Baines.
Everton were angered by United’s attempt to procure their two star players, considering the figure to be a gross undervaluation of the pair’s combined worth.
“The tricky thing was to deride Everton Football Club while simultaneously insulting them,” new Manchester United manager David Moyes told FourFourTwo.com.
“A £16m bid for Fellaini is clearly derisory, and the first letter of every line spells out the hidden insult ‘GOODISON SMELLS OF WEE’.
“The £12m bid for Baines, itself quite insulting, was prepared on special red notepaper listing the 29 trophies Manchester United have won since Everton won a derisory FA Cup eighteen years ago.”
"Here Leighton, can you smell something funny around here?"
“It’s a clever strategy by Moyes to antagonise Everton to the point where they’ll be desperate to co-operate,” a league insider told FourFourTwo.com.
“Manchester United probably just need to fling over a few more insults to seal the deal. I expect Moyes has the Neville brothers working on some zingers as we speak.”
Should the new bids fail, Moyes is planning a final offer of £2m for Fellaini and a bag of pork scratchings for Baines. It is rumoured chairman Bill Kenwright is a keen fan of the latter and could be persuaded to relinquish his star men for such an offer.
