Not sure who to root against in this weekend's la LigaâÂÂs relegation rumble? Uncertain of which club is least deserving to stay in the top flight for another year of their miserable, pointless lives? Then use this handy guide to help you onto to the dark side!
Mallorca, 13th, 44 points
LLL has never come across such a bunch of whining, moaning, prissy little âÂÂbe-atchesâ - as Beyonce might say [we're sure she probably wouldn't - ed]. Last season, Mallorca finished a heroic fifth, gaining friends and admirers all over Spain for their pluck.
The institution then went into administration, thus preventing them from paying off their debts to fellow clubs such as Athletic Bilbao, who could really have done with the cash. This unfortunate event also forced UEFA to throw them out of the Europa League due to perfectly legitimate rules on financial (in)solvency which are sadly lacking in Spain.
Mallorca felt that such regulations shouldnâÂÂt apply to them and proceeded to grumble endlessly at the Spanish FA - who had nothing to do with the decision - along with UEFA, while the fans blamed Villarreal for taking their spot. The same supporters then accused Borja Valero of being a mercenary for leaving them over the summer, despite the fact the midfielder had performed wonderfully for them throughout the previous season - and actually belonged to West Brom.
LLL would love to see who Mallorca and the fans are going to blame should they go down this weekend.
Real Sociedad, 14th, 44 points
Real Sociedad may have players who celebrate goals by jumping into cars and have a passionate home crowd (despite having a running track in their stadium - an automatic 30 point penalty in LLLâÂÂs opinion), but whatâÂÂs the point of all that if la Real barely bother to turn up for away games? The Basque club managed just 10 points from 19 Primera road-trips, one worse than the notoriously awful Hércules picked up all year.
Another good reason to cheer heartily for la RealâÂÂs relegation is to help LLL go about its day for at least 12 months not having to endlessly spell check names like Zurutuza, Illarramendi and Aguirretxe. And thatâÂÂs not even mentioning how to pronounce the blinkinâ things.
Osasuna, 15th, 44 points
Too often, la Liga is accused of being a jazzed-up version of Scottish football. It certainly is when Osasuna are in town, a team of cloggers and hoofers who love nothing more than whacking the ball into the opposition box for every minute of every game and hoping Walter Pandiani knocks a defender unconscious without the referee noticing to pop in the odd goal.
Another good reason to see the back of Osasuna for at least a season is as punishment for their fans inventing the current trend for supporters/ball boys/players chucking balls onto the pitch during games when opposition teams are attacking - although LLL must admit it was quite amusing when it happened against Real Madrid.
Getafe, 16th, 43 points
ThereâÂÂs very little point to Getafe in the top flight now with âÂÂMadridâÂÂs third teamâ being replaced by the real âÂÂMadridâÂÂs third teamâ with the glorious return of Rayo Vallecano to la Primera next season. Not that the blog is fickle or anything.
Rayo Vallecano have everything that Getafe donâÂÂt - a proper stadium, an atmosphere at games, supporters and a significantly shorter traveling time for a lazy LLL...
Deportivo, 17th, 43 points
Where to start? How about with the number of minutes lost by LLL over the past few seasons watching Miguel Angel LotinaâÂÂs dismal brand of football?
How about freezing to death at the Vicente Calderón this season watching Deportivo losing 2-0 and still playing an eight man defence.
How about listening to the endless pleas from LLL followers on Twitter calling for an end to the pain of Deportivo games - âÂÂDeportivo La Cor...I get bored just typing their name never mind watching them...just to see if LotinaâÂÂs frown can get any deeper...for existing...watching Deportivo is like a death sentence.âÂÂ
If things go the right way this weekend then the sporting world will be spared yet more hopeless attempts from Riki to bundle the ball into the back of the net - the novelty has worn off after five years - an ineptitude equalled when the Deportivo âÂÂstrikerâ attempts to dive.
Zaragoza, 18th, 43 points
Cheaters, cheaters, cheaters! Think LLL is being harsh?
Exhibit A - Failing to make payments to Getafe for Ikechuckwu Uche for his transfer from 2009 and then having to cheek to field the Nigerian striker in their recent clash.
Exhibit B - An unnamed but will-not-be-there-next-season Zaragoza midfielder rolling a ball onto the pitch from the substituteâÂÂs bench when Getafe were attacking in the aforementioned game.
Exhibit C - Zaragoza ball boys throwing balls onto the pitch when AlmerÃÂa were trying to attack
