Wildly optimistic Arsenal fan reckons this is rock bottom
An Arsenal supporter has described his side's capitulation to Swedish minnows Ostersund as "the lowest point imaginable" in a statement remarkable for its touching naivety.
Season ticket-holder Marcus Elliot watched in despair as his beloved Gunners slumped to a 2-1 home defeat to Ostersund, a club which was created in October 2017 out of the spare parts of other clubs with the sole mission of embarrassing Arsenal FC in the Europa League.
"This is the worst I've ever seen us play," said the misguided Elliot, as he watched Rob Chambers and Rob Holding bamboozled by a stray piece of paper blowing across the ground. "In fact, I'd go so far as to say this is as bad as it is ever going to get," he added, revealing a staggeringly misplaced faith in the future direction of the club.
"This is truly as bad as it is possible for us to get," Elliot said, as a near full-strength Arsenal side was given the runaround by opponents who cost a combined £45. "The board won't allow this to continue," he added, oblivious to the many ways in which the board was actively planning to make things even worse next season.
"This time next year, we'll look back on this result and laugh," said Elliot's equally-mistaken friend Rashid Ali, blissfully unaware that this time next year he will be looking back on this result and weeping with sorrow that such days are gone forever.
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"Arsene knows," he added, leading observers to question whether he had in fact been watching Arsenal at all at any point over the past year or two.
According to Emirates insiders, recent signings Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang and Henrikh Mkhitaryan have been reassuring one another that things at Arsenal can only get better, a sentiment our source described as "objectively wrong".
Please note: This satirical story is not real. Incredible we have to say this, isn’t it?