Manchester United fans delighted to prolong this wonderful season

Red Devils' supporters looking forward to one final anticlimax, Back of the Net report...

Manchester United supporters are over the moon that their club's Premier League season still isn't finished.

George Carter, from Salford, expected Sunday’s fixture with Bournemouth to be his team’s last, only to learn he would be forced to make one additional trip to watch them on Tuesday evening.

Carter said: “I think I speak for all United fans when I say, thank goodness we can’t put this season behind us just yet.

Will Rooney break the magical eight-goal barrier?

- MUFC fan George Carter

“It’s been a seemingly interminable delight all year long, and the thought of dragging it out for two more days makes me sick with anticipation.  

“Will I get to see our 17th goalless first half with my own eyes? Will Wayne Rooney break through the magical eight-goal barrier for the season? I can’t wait to find out, assuming I stay conscious for the entire 90 minutes.”

Glory, glory

Season-ticket holder Viv Prestley said: “I’ve been a United fan all my life, and this is the most glorious time I can remember. Not in terms of success, or quality, or glory, but in an intangible, Zen way, where emptiness is fulfilment.

“Louis van Gaal has done things I never thought possible, like turning Bastian Schweinsteiger into a slightly worse Eric Djemba-Djemba, and picking Jesse Lingard 24 times.

“My only complaint about this season is that it’s all over so soon. I just hope Van Gaal stays, so we can enjoy scrapping for fifth with Southampton and West Ham next year too.”

Please note: This fictional news story is not real. But you already knew that, right?

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