The best quotes of 2009
Ã¢ÂÂWhat! Do you want to die?! IÃ¢ÂÂm a professional! Respect my work! Show me respect!Ã¢ÂÂ - Carlos Kameni, perhaps the biggest, hardest person La Liga Loca has ever come to face-to-face with, scares a critical Espanyol fan into 2016 during a training ground rumble.
Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs an absurd thoughtÃ¢ÂÂ - Pep Guardiola has early doubts over the crazy notion that his Barcelona side might win blooming everything in 2009.
Ã¢ÂÂNanÃÂn is neither a friend of mine, nor in my circle of trustÃ¢ÂÂ - He may have been personally thanked by RamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³n for his role in the 2006 presidential election victory, had an office near him, travelled on away trips with him, and gone out with his daughter, but the disgraced big cheese barely knew the scapegoat-shaped victim of the vote-rigging scandal at Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂs AGM.
Ã¢ÂÂI also went to the Real Madrid Assembly!Ã¢ÂÂ - a banner spotted in the Camp Nou in response to the revelation that an AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid season ticket holder was just one of the many infiltrators who somehow got into the event to support the then president RamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³n.
Ã¢ÂÂKakÃÂ¡ to Real Madrid? Never!Ã¢ÂÂ - Silvio Berlusconi gives the Italian press his second most memorable quote of the year after DecemberÃ¢ÂÂs Ã¢ÂÂwhat do you mean, Ã¢ÂÂduck!Ã¢ÂÂ?Ã¢ÂÂ
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂve never seen a West Ham game in my life and I expect to snuff it without ever having experienced this sensationÃ¢ÂÂ - MarcaÃ¢ÂÂs Miguel Serrano is less than impressed by Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂs loan signing of the bench-napping Julien Faubert.
Ã¢ÂÂNeither I nor anyone else is planning the sacking of Javier AguirreÃ¢ÂÂ - AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid president Enrique Cerezo, a man whose word can be trusted as far as Maniche can be carried, speaks out just two days before firing the first of his clubÃ¢ÂÂs three managers of 2009 (see also October).
Ã¢ÂÂI called Telefonica and they said they would come to my house in two days and they turned up five weeks laterÃ¢ÂÂ - ItÃ¢ÂÂs not just Getafe fans who canÃ¢ÂÂt bothered supporting their players, as former midfielder Eugen Polanski discovers.
Ã¢ÂÂI donÃ¢ÂÂt think they want to sell Martin VillaÃ¢ÂÂ - RamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³nÃ¢ÂÂs presidential replacement Vicente Boluda reveals why negotiations with Valencia for the Spanish international may have hit an early snag.
Ã¢ÂÂIt was a final and we lost it. But there are 12 moreÃ¢ÂÂ - Osasuna manager JosÃÂ© Antonio Camacho, still struggling with the different concepts of Ã¢ÂÂmatchÃ¢ÂÂ and Ã¢ÂÂfinalÃ¢ÂÂ.
Ã¢ÂÂWe donÃ¢ÂÂt understand why he has thrown this crap at usÃ¢ÂÂ - Carlos Marchena shows that thereÃ¢ÂÂs still no Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂ in Ã¢ÂÂteamÃ¢ÂÂ after ValenciaÃ¢ÂÂs sporting director of the week tells the press that the players simply arenÃ¢ÂÂt trying.
Ã¢ÂÂWe reckon they donÃ¢ÂÂt eat pork. WeÃ¢ÂÂll sort them out with some chickensÃ¢ÂÂ - Culturally sensitive Osasuna fan Luis Miguel Arraztoa is told that Iranian players Javad Nekounam and Masoud Shojaei may find his generous gift of live piglets to slaughter less useful than their team-mates.
Ã¢ÂÂI took this decision for the sake of the clubÃ¢ÂÂs imageÃ¢ÂÂ - JoaquÃÂn Bilbao, La Liga LocaÃ¢ÂÂs 2009 Man of the Year and former Xerez president, steps down after a big night out involving a whorehouse, a black eye, a fight with a Russian bouncer, a drive-by shooting against a door and a night in the police cells.
Ã¢ÂÂWe have a cordial relationshipÃ¢ÂÂ - Juande Ramos was just the latest in a long line of Madrid managers feeling the love with the clubÃ¢ÂÂs model professional, Guti.
Ã¢ÂÂI called the Emir to congratulate him on the purchase of the club, but he knew nothing about it" - Confidante Rashidi Omrani reveals the that man who BetisÃ¢ÂÂ website claimed would be buying the institution, Sheikh Humaid bin Rashid al-Nuaimi, had been carelessly left out of the loop.
Ã¢ÂÂThe other day, Alexandre Song of Arsenal told me that we were the only league you watch in bed when you go to sleepÃ¢ÂÂ - Pierre Webo identifies la LigaÃ¢ÂÂs target audience for their eternally-popular 10pm kick-off times.
Ã¢ÂÂI couldnÃ¢ÂÂt believe it! It was a match where you think Ã¢ÂÂah sh*t, weÃ¢ÂÂre going to lose thisÃ¢ÂÂÃ¢ÂÂ - An uncharacteristically animated Klaas-Jan Huntelaar shares his feelings with La Liga Loca after MadridÃ¢ÂÂs insanely dramatic late win over Getafe.
Ã¢ÂÂI hoped it would be higher up and a bit more centralÃ¢ÂÂ - Getafe midfielder Javi Casquero admits that his pathetic penalty taken minutes after being booted up the arse by Pepe failed to meet his expectations.
Ã¢ÂÂThe other day, I was watching Pop Idol and I got really emotional when the contestants saw their families. IÃ¢ÂÂm a cry-babyÃ¢ÂÂ - Miguel Angel Lotina adds Ã¢ÂÂbeing a big girlÃ¢ÂÂs blouseÃ¢ÂÂ to the long list of characteristics for the Deportivo boss.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm no longer thinking about Real Madrid. That dream is deadÃ¢ÂÂ - Cristiano Ronaldo, somewhat economical with the truth.
Ã¢ÂÂHe calls me about four or five times a dayÃ¢ÂÂ - David Villa tries - and fails - to introduce the concept of humour to the Spanish football press during Florentino PÃÂ©rezÃ¢ÂÂ return to the footballing limelight.
Ã¢ÂÂHis model is to pay 10 times more for a player who is six years olderÃ¢ÂÂ - Real Madrid presidential pre-candidate Eugenio MartÃÂnez Bravo claims that KakÃÂ¡ was offered to his club in 2003 for Ã¢ÂÂ¬6 million. He also fails to mention that FlorentinoÃ¢ÂÂs model includes mistaking Tomas Gravesen for Lee Carsley.
Ã¢ÂÂA footballer with a briefcase full of money runs slowerÃ¢ÂÂ - Getafe coach Michel isnÃ¢ÂÂt speculating on the issues involved with Cristiano RonaldoÃ¢ÂÂs move to Madrid but the notion that Ã¢ÂÂincentivesÃ¢ÂÂ are paid to players by opposing teams at the end of every Spanish season.
eÃ¢ÂÂI went to a neurologist, a cardiologist, a dentist and a nutritionist. IÃ¢ÂÂve lost weight and IÃ¢ÂÂm back exercisingÃ¢ÂÂ - Former AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid boss Javier Aguirre discovers the numerous joys of being sacked by the Vicente CalderÃÂ³n club.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm leaving with a dagger in my heartÃ¢ÂÂ - And all Vicente Soriano wanted was a gold watch and a handshake after stepping down as Valencia president at the end of last season.
Ã¢ÂÂI will take the team to the Europa League, the Champions League and we will go once again to Madrid... thatÃ¢ÂÂs what Manuel RuÃÂz de Lopera is working for!Ã¢ÂÂ - Betis fans have nothing to fear despite being relegated from la Primera according to majority shareholder and the third-person-talking Darth de Lopera.
Ã¢ÂÂThe most scandalous signing in the history of footballÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂThe signing of the century!Ã¢ÂÂ - A wholly unexpected difference in opinion between Sport and Marca over the signing of Cristiano Ronaldo.
Ã¢ÂÂWhen I woke up, I said Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂve got to return to Spain for training tomorrowÃ¢ÂÂÃ¢ÂÂ - Despite Mariano PernÃÂa suffering a fractured spine, a broken collarbone, a tear to his left lung and a three-day coma after a car accident in Argentina, the AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid full-back would still have been better than the gaggle of hoofing eejits who took his place in the side over the next five months.
Ã¢ÂÂWe were predestined to find each otherÃ¢ÂÂ - Burger King suit ElÃÂas DÃÂaz SesÃÂ© gets a tad carried away over his companyÃ¢ÂÂs sponsorship deal with Getafe.
Ã¢ÂÂIt was a sign that I had respected the LordÃ¢ÂÂ - Whilst the groin-strained KakÃÂ¡ currently has problems spreading his legs, his wife Caroline Celico had no trouble managing the opposite with her claim that she was rewarded for saving her cherry until her wedding night with her hubbyÃ¢ÂÂs move to Madrid.
Ã¢ÂÂHas no-one told him we had loads of games last season without even seeing the goal?Ã¢ÂÂ - Valladolid manager Jose LuÃÂs Mendilibar has some doubts over whether his new striker Manucho will keep his 40-goals-a-season promise.
Ã¢ÂÂI raised my hands to surrender, but Carleto shot me twiceÃ¢ÂÂ - The famous Valencia team spirit is alive and well with RubÃÂ©n BarajaÃ¢ÂÂs fond memories of an inter-squad paintball contest.
Ã¢ÂÂWe are alone in the universeÃ¢ÂÂ - AtlÃÂ©tico Madrid president Enrique Cerezo confesses that thereÃ¢ÂÂs no sign of intelligent life away from the Vicente CalderÃÂ³n either.
Ã¢ÂÂIf there was a transfer list then Robben would not be on itÃ¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂ The confident claim from Manuel Pellegrini shortly before his bosses revealed both that there was and that the Dutchman was very much on it.
Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs true that some of our campaigns have not gone down too well with some peopleÃ¢ÂÂ - Getafe president Angel Torres after the launch of his clubÃ¢ÂÂs advertising spot which have previously featured eggs, dwarves, transvestites and even Moses.
Ã¢ÂÂI donÃ¢ÂÂt knowÃ¢ÂÂ - Pep GuardiolaÃ¢ÂÂs response to American journalists on BarÃÂ§aÃ¢ÂÂs pre-season tour when asked what he will do to improve the side in the season to come.
Ã¢ÂÂI would love it if they played like Brazil in 1970, but there is an order of priorities. First results, then good footballÃ¢ÂÂ - Athletic Bilbao president Fernando GarcÃÂa Macua happily admits that his Basque side are as attractive as Florentino PÃÂ©rez chewing lipstick.
Ã¢ÂÂWeÃ¢ÂÂve played teams with good forwards and good goalkeepersÃ¢ÂÂ - Bottom-of-the-table Xerez boss Cuco Ziganda on the tiny flaw in his clubÃ¢ÂÂs survival plans after the loss of their opening two games.
Ã¢ÂÂItÃ¢ÂÂs a very important result, but it doesnÃ¢ÂÂt mean anythingÃ¢ÂÂ - Espanyol manager Pochettino caught in two minds after a 3-2 win over Deportivo.
Ã¢ÂÂWe have protected and defended themÃ¢ÂÂ - Four Barcelona VPs were lucky to have been secretly spied on in a Ã¢ÂÂsecurity auditÃ¢ÂÂ says club CEO Joan Oliver.
Ã¢ÂÂThe person who hired me is famous and personally knows the playerÃ¢ÂÂ - Spanish witch El Brujo adds RaÃÂºl to the suspect list after he admits that he was hired to cause a career-ending injury to Cristiano Ronaldo.
Ã¢ÂÂThis is a sign of the club. They destroy presidents, directors, coaches and playersÃ¢ÂÂ - Former Real Madrid big cheese RamÃÂ³n CalderÃÂ³n knows all too well how things run at Castle Greyskull, having personally sacked two title-winning managers and caused David BeckhamÃ¢ÂÂs Bernabeu departure.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm not stupidÃ¢ÂÂ - The managerial worm turned at Valladolid with coach JosÃÂ© Luis Mendilibar responding to observations from local hacks that his sideÃ¢ÂÂs defence was none too strong.
Ã¢ÂÂIt would be crazy to think about changing coachÃ¢ÂÂ - Crazy is as crazy does, with AtlÃÂ©tico president Enrique Cerezo firing Abel Resino (coach number two) just two days after this irate outburst.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂve gone from watching videos of our rivals to SpongeBob SquarePantsÃ¢ÂÂ - Still without a return date, Real Madrid midfielder RubÃÂ©n de la Red reveals that his heart problem (and fatherhood) has led to a lifestyle change.
Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm fit to playÃ¢ÂÂ - GutiÃ¢ÂÂs famous declaration, followed just 20 minutes later by one from his boss claiming he was injured.
Ã¢ÂÂHe made us eat a lot of fishÃ¢ÂÂ - Sevilla midfielder Didier Zokora recalls the Ã¢ÂÂfinny businessÃ¢ÂÂ endured at Spurs under the reign of Juande Ramos.
Ã¢ÂÂThe problem with Riki is that he doesnÃ¢ÂÂt know how to fall overÃ¢ÂÂ - Deportivo boss Miguel Angel Lotina says some things canÃ¢ÂÂt be taught after his stumbling striker was booked in successive games for diving.
Ã¢ÂÂIf he doesnÃ¢ÂÂt play, then heÃ¢ÂÂs at home cryingÃ¢ÂÂ - Lady GagoÃ¢ÂÂs agent Marcelo Lombilla reveals that not only can his client not pass, shoot nor tackle, but that heÃ¢ÂÂs an enormous pinny-wearing ponce to boot.
Ã¢ÂÂShut it!Ã¢ÂÂ - AndrÃÂ©s IniestaÃ¢ÂÂs all-round genius rating goes up a notch with his response to Cristiano RonaldoÃ¢ÂÂs diving taunt during el ClÃÂ¡sico.
Ã¢ÂÂWhen they sacked Abel Resino, I was the happiest man in the worldÃ¢ÂÂ - AtlÃÂ©tico MadridÃ¢ÂÂs whingeing winger JosÃÂ© Antonio Reyes reveals why heÃ¢ÂÂs always the managerÃ¢ÂÂs favourite at every club he plays for.
Ã¢ÂÂWhen you see RaÃÂºl warming up, itÃ¢ÂÂs not the same as seeing DrentheÃ¢ÂÂ - Bernd Schuster feels that some players are more equal than others in the Real Madrid substitute pecking order.
Ã¢ÂÂYouÃ¢ÂÂre pretty rude for someone whoÃ¢ÂÂs 10Ã¢ÂÂ - Iker Casillas is drawn into a slanging match with a preteen potty-mouth in Mestalla during MadridÃ¢ÂÂs Valencia clash.
Ã¢ÂÂSometimes I look slow. Maybe itÃ¢ÂÂs because of my long legsÃ¢ÂÂ - Or maybe Real Madrid defender Ezequiel Garay looks slow because he is slow.
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