The Breast-Feeding Weekend Predictions - Round 13

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Weekend fixtures: Sevilla vs Valladolid, Xerez vs Atletico Madrid, Real Madrid vs Almeria, Deportivo La Coruna vs Barcelona, Tenerife vs Sporting, Espanyol vs Racing, Mallorca vs Zaragoza, Malaga vs Osasuna, Villarreal vs Getafe, Bilbao vs Valencia.

Saturday

Free and open in the âÂÂhigher ranked sides at the time of the draw get to play their first leg games away from homeâ sense, that is.

The most intriguing of the eight ties is SevillaâÂÂs clash with Barcelona, and it produced sneakily-recorded footage of Freddie Kanouté on the phone to Carles Puyol - or having a bit of a jape, perhaps - and telling him that he will be done like a Catalan kipper when the two sides meet in January.

Poor old Alcorcón were hoping for either of the aforementioned Big Boys as reward for their rogering of Real Madrid, but have been handed run-of-the-mill Racing Santander instead.

âÂÂItâÂÂs a long coach trip,â was the bleak message from the crestfallen players to AS when the draw was announced.

Still, they displayed more knowledge about their opponents than Alcorcón president Esteban Márquez, who admitted that âÂÂI donâÂÂt know anything about Racing. The truth is I donâÂÂt really understand football.âÂÂ

Maybe Real Madrid and Alcorcón have more in common after all?

Xerez (20th) v Atlético Madrid (17th)

Recently, a letter was poked into La Liga LocaâÂÂs pigeonhole demanding payment for a brand new âÂÂrefuse collection taxâ that looked suspiciously like a sly, sneaky way of raising funds to pay for MadridâÂÂs ludicrous Olympic bid and the billions lost by local politicians in corruption.

So, like much of the rest of the cityâÂÂs population, the blog gave the letter the finger and went about its business.

But that was until an even angrier, legal-sounding missive arrived soon after like a Harry Potter Howler, all to chase a debt worth about â¬24.

And this led La Liga Loca to pondering over a pomegranate tea HOW IN ALL THAT IS FRACKINâ HOLY Atlético Madrid have racked up a â¬200 million debt to the taxman without anyone apparently doing a FRACKINâ THING about it!

ThatâÂÂs not even mentioning the clubâÂÂs refusal to sell Kun Agüero - something that could fill a few potholes, no doubt.

And the blog definitely isnâÂÂt going into the other financial revelation made by the club this week that Gil-spawn, Miguel Angel, takes a near million euro salary for his role as Delegate General while schools go unheated, orphans go hungry and La Liga Loca gets inane letters from a busted arse, morally and financially bankrupt city council.

Real Madrid (2nd) v Almería (13th)

Writing about the launch of a new line of Real Madrid underwear and describing it as âÂÂthe first time this has happened in history,â probably featured little.

Unsurprisingly, the chance to gaze at pretty ladies in their smalls has led to massive coverage pretty much across the board in Spain, with even Pepe grinning that âÂÂthe girls who came out were pretty hot.âÂÂ

(Starts comedy music on CD player) Madridistas will be able to get their hands on some âÂÂPepe pantsâ - guaranteed to drop to the ground at the slightest of touches, or the Marcelo cheek-free boxers - undies that offer no support at the back whatsoever.

And then thereâÂÂs the top-selling Guti knickers - beneath the thinnest of layers you come across the biggest of c...(ENOUGH! FFT Editor)

But that glimmer of gloom was soon wiped out by some tremendous photos that were published portraying the King of Catalunya, Joan Laporta, dancing like a diva in a fancy disco to celebrate SundayâÂÂs victory of the forces of all that is good in the world over the Castle Greyskull outfit.

Whilst this was material enough for a potential peetake in the Spanish capital, what really got Madridista juices flowing was the sight of a limbo-dancing Laporta with a bottle of â¬100 French champagne in hand.

âÂÂIâÂÂd have had Cava with me,â snooted Juame Guixà, a gentleman who has just announced his intentions to run in next yearâÂÂs Barça presidential elections.

Instead, being as paranoid and humourless as they come, Joan trotted out the familiar line of âÂÂthe Spanish media cavern trying to destabilise Barcelona and...and...âÂÂ

And thatâÂÂs a breast-feeding man, so says thelocal.se

âÂÂRagnar Bengtsson, 26, has failed in his high profile bid to pump forth milk from his breasts.

"But there is some consolation for the self-styled "Milkman," who is winging his way to the United States this week for an appearance on The Tyra Banks Show.

"Bengtsson's milk race began with a bang in early September as he set about pumping his breasts on a three-hourly basis.

"The unorthodox sight of a young dad with a machine pressed to his nipples became part of daily life at Stockholm University, as the economics student endeavoured to do his bit for gender equality.

"But ultimately, the experiment failed, with Bengtsson unable to live up to the name of his blog: 'The Milkman - One Drop at a Time'.

"On Tuesday at 9pm, he returns to the TV8 studio and the Aschberg show where it all began for a final look back at a trial considered intriguing and brave by some, but sickening and unnatural by many others.âÂÂ

Being the president of Cantabria simply isnâÂÂt thrilling enough to keep the easily bored Miguel Angel Revilla happy, it seems.

âÂÂWho are the morons who made them?â asked Revilla during the week.

Defender, Pablo Pinillos, responded by pointing out that âÂÂdeclarations like this donâÂÂt help solve our problems.âÂÂ

ThereâÂÂs been yet more skullduggery in the Balearic badlands this week, with the clubâÂÂs accounts being leaked to Marca - a paper that was more than pleased to publish them.

And they revealed that Mallorca manager Gregorio Manzano is being paid â¬1.8 million a year with his number two getting a hefty â¬295,000.

Considering that both are keeping Mallorca near the top of the table despite the sideâÂÂs best players being sold every summer and much of the squad lucky to get their monthly wage, La Liga Loca feels that Manzano is worth every cent.

However, this has not stopped some criticism from those who feel that these salaries are flights of fancy for a club some â¬40 million in debt and desperately struggling to make ends meet.

Málaga (18th) vs Osasuna (10th)

By scheduling this particular encounter at 5pm rather than the more telegenic 9pm, la LigaâÂÂs big cheeses are missing a trick as it is going to be a humdinger of hubris, a virtuoso display of vengeful violence.

The combination of Osasuna being Osasuna - brilliantly filthy - and a Málaga smashing their way out of trouble at the bottom of the table means that it will be card-city down south on Sunday afternoon.

Having grown tired of booing managerâÂÂs son Adrían, the dwindling Coliseum crowd following Getafe have now taken to giving star summer signing Danny Parejo the same treatment.

âÂÂYou donâÂÂt have the right to do everything you want,â claimed a growling Torres who attacked fans and warned that they âÂÂcanâÂÂt boo a player from the first minute of a game.âÂÂ

Despite the Spanish enjoying nothing more than making fun of hapless Atlético Madrid, there was some sympathy for the Calderón club when it had to play a Champions League match against PSV behind closed doors last season, due to crowd control issues during the group opener against Marseille.

So, it is no surprise that Marca have called for the strongest of sanctions against Austria Vienna after a group of Ultras invaded the pitch 20 minutes into the second half of ThursdayâÂÂs Europa Cup clash with the visitors 2-0 up.

âÂÂThey interrupted the match with numerous flares and soon after, they invaded the pitch,â writes Santiago Segurola on trouble which Marca claims came about through a number of hooligans from clubs such as Stuttgart and Lazio ganging together against Athletic by producing pre-constitution Spanish flags and waving banners with messages such as âÂÂViva FrancoâÂÂ.

âÂÂAccording to their own doctrine, just one of the many flares or fascist banners that were on display constituted enough motive to have suspended the game,â said FridayâÂÂs editorial which calls for an explanation into why the show went on in the Austrian capital.

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