Frédéric Kanouté ‘not at all sure who he has signed for’

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The Mali striker seems to have lost his bearings, as Back of the Net's Paul Watson reports...

Suspicions have surfaced that former Tottenham and West Ham star Frédéric Kanouté is unable to name the club he has just signed for, after the experienced striker gave a press conference consisting entirely of platitudes and generic statements.

Kanouté has left Sevilla after seven years with the Spanish giants and reports suggest he has signed for Iranian side Mes Kerman FC – a claim the 35-year-old neither confirmed nor denied at today’s press conference.

“I’m delighted to have signed for [Mes Kerman FC],” Kanouté mumbled while being unveiled by Mes Kerman officials.

“I am really very much looking forward to playing… football for them [Mes Kerman FC]. In fact, of all the teams I have played football for, this is the football team I am most excited to be playing football for in the football league in which the team in question now competes.

“My mind was made up by the illustrious tradition that I assume this club has and the passionate support that I imagine they enjoy.”

The renowned hitman netted 128 times during his seven-year stay in Adalusia and would be expected to torment defences in Iran’s Pro League.

Alan Wright was surprised to be lining up alongside Kanoute and Lee Hendrie

“Sure, I am hoping to make an impact,” Kanouté nodded.

“I’m confident that I will be able to [pause] get the ball into the [goal] on a fairly regular basis.”

As the press conference reached its conclusion, a journalist told Kanouté that many people expected him to retire this summer after such a successful career.

“Yes, me too, that would have made more sense,” Kanouté trailed off.

Kanouté hasn’t always been thorough in researching new clubs. He spent much of the 2000-2001 season at West Ham believing he was playing for Aston Villa and few will forget the famous footage of Kanouté in his West Ham shirt being presented to the royal delegation ahead of Villa’s FA Cup Final against Chelsea by a baffled Gareth Southgate.

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