Good Day, Bad Day: Jose's Chinese whispers & Ronaldo's distressed look
Our man in Madrid, Tim Stannard, rounds up the weekend's action from La Liga in traditional fashion - by mercilessly mocking those who did badly...
Real Madrid and Barcelona
Ã¢ÂÂReal Madrid come to the home of the Champions as league leaders. Messi against CR7. Mourinho against Guardiola. This league couldnÃ¢ÂÂt ask for more!Ã¢ÂÂ pants SundayÃ¢ÂÂs editorial in Marca on next MondayÃ¢ÂÂs ClÃÂ¡sico.
Ã¢ÂÂGood for you. Now take your ball, go nuts, but eff off and leave the rest of us alone,Ã¢ÂÂ is the general response from fans of the other 18 clubs in la Primera.
The distressed look on Cristiano RonaldoÃ¢ÂÂs face as Ramos took the ball and informed him that he would be taking the penalty with Real Madrid at 2-1 up was quite, quite priceless. The Portuguese forward didnÃ¢ÂÂt know whether to bawl his eyes out or throw himself to the ground and smash his fists on the floor. JosÃÂ© Mourinho didnÃ¢ÂÂt look too chuffed about the notion, either.
It was option B all the way, though, earlier in the game when Ronaldo toppled to the ground after the teeniest of contact by opposition goalkeeper, Gorka, and his subsequent desperate appeals for a penalty were turned down.
Great CaesarÃ¢ÂÂs Ghost, the Great Dane is pulling off some sterling results this season from a club thatÃ¢ÂÂs in administration. These include draws against Barcelona and Real Madrid and a victory against Valencia in Mestalla. Mallorca can now boast the scalp of Sevilla in...er...Seville...and former coach, Gregorio Manzano.
The Balearic side had taken the lead in the first half before Sevilla pulled a late goal back in what looked like being a share of the spoils. But that was before Mallorca went straight up the other end in the 89th minute to win the game after a header from a free-kick from Pierre Webo.
Ã¢ÂÂIt was an unexpected win. To say anything else would be arrogant,Ã¢ÂÂ claimed Laudrup, JosÃÂ© MourinhoÃ¢ÂÂs replacement in two seasonÃ¢ÂÂs time.
A storming display and two goals for Levante against Racing moves the Valencia club out of the relegation zone, although LLL suspects that Luis GarcÃÂaÃ¢ÂÂs side will still go down.
Three goals against MÃÂ¡laga without reply represents a fairly decent day's work for the Galician club, who have now won three from four - making any jokes about their goal-scoring impotence pretty much redundant. Boo sucks to them.
Kun AgÃÂ¼ero and Diego ForlÃÂ¡n are well and truly back in business with the swash-buckling duo scoring three goals in a loopy 4-2 win against Real Sociedad - the RojiblancoÃ¢ÂÂs first ever victory in La Anoeta and just their second league win on their travels in 2010.
Perico boss, Mauricio Pochettino, says the fans are partly responsible for EspanyolÃ¢ÂÂs run at home which sees six wins from six, by giving the wee youngsters of the side all the confidence and love they could ever need. Heartwarming stuff, really. Paul from Barcelona is just one of those supporters.
Ã¢ÂÂWell, I never thought I would see three goals. Neither team started well and Espanyol scored with their first attack - a breakaway, a fantastic pass from Osvaldo and Verdu finished coolly.
I thought 'aye, aye that's yer lot'. One-nil to the Espanyol and apart from one great save from Kameni. Think Gordon Banks-lite, from a Trezeguet header, that was it.
Then nothing happened for a fair while until Osvaldo broke free after a great chip from The Good Ship GarcÃÂa (S.S Garcia) and he was, allegedly, brought down by the keeper (red card). Looked like a dive from where I was but AS and Marca said it was a pen. Mundo Deportivo and Sport said I could buy a new BarÃÂ§a toothbrush rack. Osvaldo scored easily.
Alvaro then tricked a defender into fouling him for another pen which the non-maritime GarcÃÂa (Luis) scored. Espanyol didn't play well but didn't need to against a very poor Hercules.
75 Hercules fans and a group wearing red-and-white striped shirts - (Sporting fans two weeks too early?) Good support though.
Garbage ref. Favoured the visitors throughout and still gave two penalties against them.Fantastic reception for fan's favourite Rufete. Pity he didn't come on. Much loved still at Espanyol. Great player and by all accounts a really nice guy too.Ã¢ÂÂ
...for being the manager responsible for bringing about the firing of his good friend and AlmerÃÂa coach, Juanma Lillo, after the 8-0 shellacking by Barcelona.
...for being the manager on the end of the shellacking and firing after the clash that has plonked the club in the relegation zone with just the single win this season. Ã¢ÂÂThe side isnÃ¢ÂÂt competitive. I donÃ¢ÂÂt like how they are playing or training,Ã¢ÂÂ moaned club president, Alfonso GarcÃÂa, after the game and before beginning contract negotiations with former Real Zaragoza and Racing boss, Marcelino.
LLL simply canÃ¢ÂÂt imagine the fuss that Marca and AS would make if Pep Guardiola were to serve out a touch-line ban for swearing at a referee by sitting in the stands and passing orders chinese whispers style to his assistants or directly shouting to his players.
But thatÃ¢ÂÂs what The Very Special One did on Saturday against Athletic in an action that was possibly not contravening the requirements of his ban, but wasnÃ¢ÂÂt exactly in the Christmas spirit of it.
Juan Carlos Garrido
The new big boy, bad ass of la Primera got into a bit of a tiff with Pep Guardiola on the touchline in last weekÃ¢ÂÂs Camp Nou clash. This time around, the Villarreal coach was all with the Ã¢ÂÂare you looking at me?Ã¢ÂÂ with Valencia boss, Unai Emery, when refusing to shake his hand after the 1-1 draw in El Madrigal on Saturday, after Garrido was reportedly peeved that the men from Mestalla turned up with a five man defence.
If MÃÂchel doesnÃ¢ÂÂt receive the chop on Monday night in Getafe's game against Zaragoza, then it could be Racing boss, Miguel Angel Portugal, who is next to be sacked after losing 3-1 to Levante and having picked up just three wins in 12.