On Wednesday night, Pep Guardiola must make the toughest choice of his short but astonishing managerial career: how to battle the incredible Ukrainian cold in Kyiv during Barcelona's Champions League clash with Dynamo.
Should he go for a super strong Arctic cardie to ward off the sub-zero conditions or a flowing overcoat?
Perhaps Pep will go with the head-protecting puffer jacket - Sport seem to think so - or strut about the technical area in a Tony Pulis-style shell suit and beanie hat.
Or maybe even dress as one of the X-Men, something La Liga Loca once suggested to the Dream Boys coach, with Pep responding encouragingly that he would definitely give the idea some consideration.
âÂÂMagneto looks pretty cool, too,â noted the comic-loving coach.
On the footballing front, Barcelona are facing a match where the Catalan club must win to ensure they finish top of their group, or even draw and hope that... er... some other stuff happens so that the holders avoid the likes of Manchester United and Chelsea in the next round - two teams that definitely give Sport the willies in WednesdayâÂÂs editorial.
Both that wretched rag and Mundo Deportivo have been particularly awful of late with every single, blinkinâ edition boasting that either Messi, Zlatan, Zlatan and Messi or Messi and Zlatan are really, really great.
So it's with some desperation that La Liga Loca is praying that BarcelonaâÂÂs midget and big-nose forward line has an off day, just to give the world a break from even more fawning nonsense from the Barça-barmy press.
"To-ge-ther, we are beau-ti-ful..."
Speaking of fawning nonsense, the Madridista papers have lodged themselves so far up Cristiano RonaldoâÂÂs jacksy that Tomás Roncero will soon be charged rent.
MadridâÂÂs 3-1 win over Marseille and the Portuguese playerâÂÂs admittedly brilliant brace has the AS columnist branding Ronaldo as âÂÂthe Messiah of La Decimaâ and "The Chosen One.âÂÂ
âÂÂHe is so good that la Liga should ask permission for him to play in Mestalla on Saturday,â continues the Madridista mad man.
La Liga Loca half-knows where Roncero is coming from - which is a worrying thought - as RonaldoâÂÂs second goal on Tuesday night was a treat, with the forward getting smashed in a Marseille sandwich between goalkeeper and defender but rolling like a Ninja-king to slot the ball into the back of the net with his first touch.
MarcaâÂÂs headline boasts that Madrid are âÂÂchampions of the moment and champions of their group,â although Roberto Gómez - he of the âÂÂRaúl should play every gameâ philosophy - is now grumbling that the side is âÂÂover-dependent on Kaká,â - somewhat overlooking the fact that the team have won the last two games, scoring seven goals in the process, without the Brazilian god-botherer in the line-up.
Every paper has found time to point and laugh at Atlético MadridâÂÂs 3-0 tonking by Porto in front of just 25,000 at the Vicente Calderón.
But despite their six games yielding just three points, three goals and 12 conceded, Atlético are somehow in the Europa League.
However, this hasnâÂÂt stopped Manuel Esteban in AS giving the Rojiblancos one in the goolies by suggesting that the side was âÂÂthe worst in Champions League history coming from Spain,â and that the current players were âÂÂdumping on the history of the club.âÂÂ
âÂÂThe objective now is to avoid European humiliation influencing their form in la Liga,â noted a potentially senile FJ DÃÂaz, who seems not to have noticed that Atleti suck in Spain, too.
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