FIFA threaten Mexico's potty-mouth
Mexico manager Javier Aguirre must have been most alarmed to learn of those uptight, pontificating, busybody, killjoy do-gooders at FIFA ordering referees to listen out for on-pitch profanities and to smite the offender down with a red card.
It's not that his enchilado-chomping players are in any particular danger of falling foul of this puritanical regime Ã¢ÂÂ mummy's boys like Carlos Vela are more likely to scream like a girl on coming into contact with a goose, much less say 'boo' to it.
It's Aguirre himself who must be quite concerned that he'll be spending much of the tournament in the stands having his eardrums blasted through his nostrils by vuvuzelas. Away from the heat of the battle of football Ã¢ÂÂ what Aguirre genuinely considers to be a battle, anyway Ã¢ÂÂ the main man of Mexico is charming, dry, open and never fails to be entertaining. With a splendid greying flat-top perched upon his head, the former Atletico Madrid manager is always a pleasure to probe after games, no matter the result and no matter how very, very irate he has appeared just minutes before.
It's during matches that Aguirre goes a little bit bonkers, with his typical muttering, prowling and gesticulating from the touchline. And then there's his habit of picking fights with officials, fans, his own footballers, opposition players and even their technical staff.
During Aguirre's fairly successful spell at the Vicente Calderon that saw him lead the Rojiblancos into the Champions League Ã¢ÂÂ before being sacked, as is the way at Atleti Ã¢ÂÂ he once directed a stream of abuse at the poor old Villarreal team doctor for no good reason, other than his side not playing particularly well at the time.
However, he did apologise later on with the excuse that he thought Villarreal's doc was the club's kitman, as if that was just cause for his rant.
But that was mere pacifist peanuts to last July when Aguirre got more than a little frustrated during a CONCACAF Gold Cup clash against Panama and decided to kick a passing opposition player Ã¢ÂÂ a throwback, perhaps, to Aguirre's playing days, when he was a fine footballer who participated in his home country World Cup of 1986.
Javier Aguirre takes his football very seriously indeed and is not bluffing with anyone's muffin when he said in Thursday's pre-match press conference that he has no qualms at all with ruining South Africa's big day in the Group A opening clash by beating them, despite being a big admirer of Nelson Mandela.
The Mexico manager's initial aim is to take Mexico past the quarter-final stages and will be doing everything within and above the law to achieve it.
After his two-and-half-season spell at Atletico Madrid and having picked a fight with everyone there in an effort to spur the club into meeting its potential, Aguirre admitted that he had to go and see a "neurologist, a cardiologist, a dentist and a nutritionist". But soon after he was mentally and physically back in business and ready for the challenge of a second spell in charge of Mexico that began in June 2009.
A successful run in the World Cup, especially with what is a fairly modest squad, could help the English-speaking Aguirre achieve is his main ambition - a move to the Premier League.
"My dream is to go to EnglandÃ¢ÂÂ" admitted Aguirre in an interview in May 2009. "I think my destiny will be to head there in 2011. I'm sure of it."
If Aguirre performs to his potty-mouthed best during the World Cup, his profile will certainly be raised one way or another, especially if he beats the host nation on Friday afternoon.
Although the opening clash is set to be full of joy and jubilation, zest and zing Ã¢ÂÂ and a rendition of that god awful Black Eyed Peas song Ã¢ÂÂ the only thing on the Mexican manager's profane mind is winning. And maybe making a few suggestions of what the referee can do with himself after the tournament, too.