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Idiot doctor thinks it’s her job to treat football players

Chelsea’s Eva Carneiro has come under fire for using her skills and training to help an injured player, in flagrant violation of her duties as team doctor.

Eden Hazard had gone down under a challenge from Gylfi Sigurdsson when doofus Carneiro entered the field of play, after signals from the referee and Hazard himself.

Hazard then left the pitch, with Carneiro and equally brainless physio Jon Fearn ensuring he was not suffering from any serious injury, like a right pair of spanners.

Blues boss Jose Mourinho, speaking slowly and clearly so that Carneiro and Fearn could understand, said that the health of Chelsea players was far less important than the health of Chelsea’s league position.

“It was obvious from where I was, 40 yards away, that Eden was not badly hurt,” Mourinho said. “Only a stupid person would have to check that by making a full assessment of the injury in line with General Medical Council guidelines.

“If she wants to come on to the pitch, fine,” he continued. “But she must also injure Gylfi Sigurdsson, or she is not helping at all.

“Gylfi Sigurdsson is standing right there, not even looking. Bang, with the stethoscope, he goes down like sack of bricks. The game can continue. But she did not do this. Not even Jack Cork.

“[Carneiro] must remember the creed of all doctors who work for Chelsea,” the Portuguese added. “‘First, do no harm, unless it helps Chelsea.’ I call it the Hypocritic Oath.”

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