The Pachá-Partying Predictions - Round 20

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Villarreal (5th) vs Osasuna (20th)

Osasuna president, Patxi Izco appears to be a genuinely likeable old duffer. After firing Cuco Ziganda earlier this season, he confessed that it was one of the hardest things he had ever had to do in his life.

And it was entirely possible to believe him, unlike some of his presidential peers who would think nothing of sacking a weeping, wailing manager whilst flicking through a copy of ‘What Hair Gel?’

However, as any metro-travelling punkster who dares to play reggaeton on their mobile with La Liga Loca in earshot will know by now, everyone has their limit. Oh yes. Patxi’s was broken in the Bernabeu last Sunday.

When, Osasuna winger, Juanfran was given a second yellow card for a supposed dive, his pugnacious president was filmed standing up from his balcony seat in a huff, saying something to Vicente Boluda before storming off to discover what was left of the half-time buffet.

“I was fed up and I couldn’t take any more,” explained the Pamplonan anger-ball after the game. In fact Patxi was so steaming, it is reported that he has even gone as far as cutting the club’s ties with the refereeing association.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Barcelona (1st) vs Numancia (17th)

As we find out later in La Liga Loca, Pep Guardiola has a new rival to the crown of being toughest mother-thingy in Catalunya. And this must be the explanation for the Barça boss’s decision to flex his muscles and wrap Samuel Eto'o’s footballing knuckles to make a sorry example of him.

During Tuesday’s training session, Pep had cause to pull his Cameroonian foot-cannon aside to castigate him for not showing a ‘good attitude’ in training.

Mad Sammy apparently chose to disagree with this opinion - a stance which saw him sent off for an early bath. Or whatever footballers do in the dressing room these days.

Eto’o was subsequently left out of the squad that faced Espanyol on Wednesday night for footballing reasons, says Pep. Instead, his place was taken by little Bojan who continues to show that he would be more useful to Barcelona this season cleaning boots rather than wearing them.

LLL Prediction - Home win


Almería (15th) vs Athletic (9th)

This week, a couple of TV companies in Spain decided to pounce on three of the four Copa del Rey ties to broadcast. When the blog uses the word ‘broadcast’ it means advertise future shows or launch crappy SMS competitions at any given opportunity.

La Liga Loca caught a couple of these footballing feasts.  Two of the matches - Espanyol vs Barça and Athletic vs Sporting - were goalless, soulless draws. The other - Valencia vs Sevilla - was an incident-packed fun-fest. Apparently.

Guess which two a multi-tasking La Liga Loca sat through?

LLL Prediction - Draw

Valladolid (12th) vs Espanyol (18th)

Over the summer, Barcelona selected a Freddie Mercury impersonator as their next manager and he has turned out to be a rip-roaring success.

An anything-you-can-do-I-can-do-better Espanyol have now followed the same path with their own 'club hero, tough guy' taking over the first team in the form of Mauricio Pochettino.

Either that or they have chosen the Friends, Series One version of Chandler Bing to lead them out of the relegation zone. “Could we BE any worse at defending?”

Paul from Barcelona was there at his debut on Wednesday night, to tell us all about it. But for an added twist, the peace-loving La Liga Loca has removed all derogatory comments about Barcelona from his perico report.

“Happy with performance... honours even... a quite cordial affair... Luis Garcia had his best match in ages... rhymes with anchors... stray cat count 0...”

Paul from Barcelona

LLL Prediction - Home win

Recreativo (16th) vs Betis (13th)

Like an ambitious Ever Banega, Betis are going to have to come from behind in the cup after a 1-0 defeat to Mallorca on Thursday night, in front of a packed 5,000 at the Ono Estadi. Or 10,000, if you read AS.

“They had no rhythm, no desire to play or go for it,” complained Paco Chaparro on the previous evening’s team trip to see Babyshambles before agreeing that the game sucked too.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Getafe (14th) vs Sporting (11th)

Four defeats in a row for La Liga Loca’s beloved Getafe means that it is high time for the blog to go deeper underground onto Madrid’s marvellous metro for a trip to the Coliseum.

And despite recent reports, it will still be possible to catch sight of the endangered El Pato, a player whose move from the club last weekend was scuppered over a fee squabble with Boca Juniors.

And so upset was Pato over the affair that he chose not to play during last weekend’s defeat to Racing. The Argentine goalie argued that an agreement had been made between the two clubs for a 300,000 euro transfer fee, before Getafe asked for 100,000 more.

“That is what bothered me most and made me choose not to play any more,” quacked Pato. “Angel Torres has broken his word.”

‘Poppycock’ was the message from the Getafe president the next day. “If someone is 37 and not in the right condition to play then they should retire,” continued Torres.

Fortunately, the unseemly spat had a happy end with the dueling duo photographed having a hug and a deal finally being struck with Boca.

LLL Prediction - Home win (15-0 to Getafe)

Mallorca (19th) vs Valencia (4th)

With Renan out for the next month with a leg injury or something, Valencia have moved swiftly to bring in cover - the former Zaragoza keeper César Sánchez. The Spurs stopper joins on loan after a truly fantastic spell in the Premier League to help the Mestalla cause.

One of his new team-mates will be David Villa. But this very nearly wasn’t the case, claimed the tiny-bearded striker’s agent José Tamargo, who spoke this week about the late summer transfer saga.

The Mr 15% is claiming that Real could have bought his client had they offered five million euro more. He also took the chance to have a pop at the player’s summertime suitors.

“Madrid wanted to take advantage of the changeover of president and the economic problems (at Valencia). I think their attitude was offensive,” said the ivory-tower aboded agent.

LLL Prediction - Away win

Sevilla (3rd) vs Racing (10th)

The club are tired, the fans are tired... everyone is blooming tired of the Diego Capel to stay / leave Sevilla stories.

“I’m fed up with talking about this topic,” fumed the winger, “nothing has changed, everything is cool and the only thing that I want to do is to keep playing.”

Sevilla fans are also as grumpy as hell and feel the cold, dark Spanish press are behind the transfer stories.

“Blah, blah, blah... it’s always the same,” says one comment on the Marca website. “You’ve spent the whole year talking about Kaka, Cesc, CR7, Cazorla, Villa and five million euro... and now it’s Capel!”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Real Madrid (2nd) vs Deportivo (8th)

La Liga Loca has some happy news for those good, good people who may have been concerned as to the mental welfare of poor old Ramón Calderón.

The last the world saw of the Madrid ex-president was a tearful, moving, I’d-like-to-thank-my-wife speech in the Bernabeu press room last Friday.

But for those worried that Calderón would be spending the next few days shuffling around in a dressing gown and repeatedly watching ‘Con Air’ shouting “Damn you Cage! Damn you to hell!” then fear no more.

It seems that Ramón has been putting his disco pants on, getting out and about and facing the world - as he did so on Wednesday night at a private party in Pachá, a night-club just around the corner from La Liga Loca’s lair, adding to the confusion of why the blog did not get its own invite.

And so, in not so much a blaze of publicity as a Californian wildfire, Calderón was pictured trotting into the club to discover - one can only imagine - to his absolute horror that Nanín and Luis Bárcena, the two employees that Calderón fired, and three of the ‘infiltrators’ were also in attendance.

“What were they celebrating?” asked a curious Marca, speculating that it may have been Bárcena’s 800,000 euro ‘finiquito’ or pay-off handed to him by the club earlier that day for two months of hard work.

LLL Prediction - Home win

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