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Paper jam believed to be behind Newcastle signing F…p --D¸¸ ˇc on deadline day

An untimely paper jam on a Panasonic FL611E fax machine prompted Newcastle United’s unexpected deadline day swoop for F…p --D¸¸     ˇc, it has emerged.


The final day of the January transfer window brought with it a flurry of activity across Europe and accounted for over 96% of annual fax machine usage.


Indeed, despite the advent of several more practical and reliable technologies, the fax machine remains king in transfer dealings despite most people in the country being unable to operate or even recognise one.


But Newcastle were left rueing the fallibility of the technology after their January transfer window ended with a whimper, and the signing of unheralded syntax combination F…p --D¸¸     ˇc.


Sources inside the club suggest that a paper jam followed by some desperate tugging at the paper tray resulted in the swoop.


“Newcastle United would like to announce the signing of F…p --D¸¸     ˇc,” a club statement today declared.


“We would all like to welcome whatever that is to the club and are delighted it has chosen us.”


The club rounded off the statement by asserting: “A.opt8v23o@£BN””Be MEMeg/   smd---¸jklj;;’’l’;l’pl;’;l;l;.”


But while the official line is upbeat, an insider at St James’ Park told that the signing of F…p --D¸¸     ˇc has caused some irritation at the club.


“There were some raised voices, and I can tell you some ink was shed on Friday night,” our sources revealed.


“It makes a mockery of a club of this size when we sign an incomprehensible string of letters and symbols rather than an actual person. Worse still it belittles all the hard work that Joe Kinnear has done. That’s £6m we won’t be getting back.”


Newcastle's gaffe won’t go down as the worst of the transfer window, however, after AC Milan inadvertently signed Adel Taarabt, mistaking him for someone other than Adel Taarabt.