Premier sketch: Freaks, bikes and jokers

We’re seeing an extraordinary amount of freak goals this season, and I don’t mean Peter Crouch is in top form…

Last week Chelsea’s Salomon Kalou benefited from a wicked deflection, and this week it was Cesc Fabregas at the Stadium of Light. Sunderland’s Anton Ferdinand, trying to emulate his brother, dwelled on the ball for way too long before deciding to punt it upfield.

Unfortunately for the Black Cats defender, the ball ricocheted off the ankle of the onrushing Cesc Fabregas and flew all of 40 yard into the net. Minutes later, the Gunners’ playmaker left the game having injured himself while scoring.

It’s unknown whether Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger will be spending the week trying to convince the F.A. that opposition players are now kicking the ball much too hard against his poor little players, but just to rub it in, Wenger had to watch his side give up a late Darren Bent equalizer in the fifth of four added minutes.

People complain there are no longer any characters in the game, and that it’s all a bit too serious; where have all the jokers gone? Well relax, we’ve finally found one. This week the Blackburn Rovers pressroom was converted into a comedy club and a new comedian, Big Sam emerged. 

"I'm not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter Milan or Real Madrid” said Sam with a straight face as giggles eminated from the back of the packed room.  Giggles turned to raucous laughter as Sam followed it up with this hilarious one liner, “It wouldn't be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time. “

Big Sam now had the crowd eating out of his hand and he hit them with his final rib-tickler,  “Give me Manchester United or Chelsea and I would do the same, it wouldn't be a problem, thanks very much you’ve been a great audience.”

No one was laughing at Goodison Park however; it must be tough being an Everton fan, one week your team doggedly claws back a two goal deficit against Manchester United, then roll over at home to newly promoted Newcastle the next.

If it’s any consolation, they may have witnessed the emergence of a real talent in Newcastle’s Hatem Ben Arfa. The cockney sounding Frenchman scored a wonder goal on his full Newcastle debut and dazzled the Goodison crowd with some sublime skill.

Ben Arfa’s left foot has already been labelled “cultured” by the football community; does anyone out there know of anyone with a cultured right foot? Why is it that right feet don’t get the same credit? Apparently Even Zidane didn’t have one!

The big game of the weekend was at rainy Old Trafford, and saw Manchester United’s Dimitar Berbatov stealing the show from two goal Steven Gerrard with a hat trick.

Berbatov is in fantastic form right now and if it continues then there’s every chance he’ll actually manage to contribute more goals to United’s cause than the their opponents.

His second goal was a real goal of the season contender; after controlling the ball with his back to goal he then pulled off a “bicycle kick” leaving Pepe Reina rooted to the spot. Berbatov then wheeled away after giving United a 2-0 lead.

However, some less than sturdy defending by the home side saw them give away a two goal lead for the second game in a row. John O’Shea can count himself a tad lucky after only receiving a yellow card when denying Fernando Torres a goal scoring opportunity, and Liverpool fans will argue that it was O’Shea who crossed the ball onto Berbatov’s head for the winner five minutes later, but as David Beckham’s favourite quote goes,” Erm that’s football, sorry I mean soccer.”

And finally here’s some more good news for Manchester United fans, it seems that Portugeese winger Nani has made a miraculous recovery from what looked like about 10 different life threatening injuries following a moderately tough challenge from Liverpool’s Christian Poulsen…

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