Premier Sketch: Seven-goal hauls, Carlo Raddishlotti & snoods

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Well it looks like Fergie owes Sam Allardyce another couple of bottles of red wine after his side went back to the top of the table with a shocking 7-1 win over Big Sam’s Blackburn.

Rovers will be cursing the icy conditions as they seem to be the one thing that makes Dimitar Berbatov break into a jog. The Bulgarian helped himself to a staggering five goals, keeping United fans off his back for another week or so and, according to Sky TV who invented football in the early 90’s, equalling the English record amount of goals in a game.

If Arsenal’s Ted Drake was alive today you can be sure he’d mention his seven-goal haul against Villa. As for Big Sam, well it looks like his rant about coaching Real Madrid might not be too far off the mark, Real’s similarly pathetic 5-0 defeat in Monday night’s El Clasico proved that the Rovers’ boss would fit in quite nicely.

Over in the posh part of London, just what are Chelsea playing at? After a 1-1 draw away to Newcastle, they’ve now gone three weeks without a league win.

Just a few weeks ago Carlo Ancelotti was being hailed by the tabloids as a managerial genius and one of the greatest coaches in Premier League history (there they go again) - now it’s only a matter of time before they give him the Graham Taylor treatment and start turning his name into a vegetable. Carlo Raddishlotti, anybody?

More comedy defending by the Blues lead to Newcastle’s opener with a mix up between  Cech and Alex gifting Andy Carroll a simple tap in.

Plenty of contenders for goal of the week; Bolton duo Martin Petrov and Mark Davies score tremendous goals against Blackpool, but West Bromwich Albion’s Youssouf Mulumbu’s chipped (albeit deflected) effort finished off a wonderful flowing move and just about pushes out team mate Chris Brunt’s free kick (which is more than can be said for Everton keeper Tim Howard…).

It was a memorable game for the Albion substitute, who earned himself a second yellow card just minutes after picking up a first caution for celebrating his fabulous goal. Don’t those rules just make perfect sense? A yellow card for enjoying scoring a goal but a mouthful of verbals directed at the lineman gets completely ignored, very sensible.

Finally, you may have noticed that it’s starting to get a tiny bit chilly in Britain, but Jack Frost isn’t the only nasty thing creeping onto Premier League pitches these days, and just like the Blob there’s a real worry that it’s spreading and getting out of control.

First we had the tights, then came gloves and now the latest football craze that’s in danger of sweeping the nation, the Snood!

Parents beware, if your child adores Tevez, Nasri, Rooney, or even Craig Gordon be prepared to spend a little extra this Christmas to get the snood that matches the replica kit.