The ‘Guti don’t leave me!’ Weekend Predictions - Round 31


Málaga (16th) v Sevilla (4th)

The rest of world may not give two flying hoots about this weekend’s fixtures aside from The One, but LLL certainly does.

Apart from the Deportivo game. And maybe the Xerez clash. And, come to think of it, Athletic against Almería doesn’t exactly get the footballing juices flowing, either.

But Sevilla are currently in an intriguing position as stand-in coach, Antonio Alvarez, tries to save a wretched season by steering the Andalusian ship of doom into a comfy fourth-placed berth.

The former number two is having to work away under the assumption that he will be sent straight back to the shop floor once his stint is over at the end of the season.

The current names being blown into the air to replace him like Ever Banega’s baby batter are Mallorca’s Gregorio Manzano, Getafe’s Míchel, Atlético’s Quique and most sensationally of all, Laurent Blanc. That’s what Sevilla sporting director, Monchi, claims anyway.

“I called his agent and he told me himself that Blanc was fixed-up, there’s nothing doing,” revealed Monchi, saying that the Frenchman would either be staying with Bordeaux or moving into the France national team role.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Tenerife (18th) v Valladolid (19th)

16 months on the sidelines after his last managerial spell at Murcia ended with a firing, sees the new Valladolid boss arguably a little bit more manic than ever.

Javier Clemente has been brought in to sort out the Pucela side both on and off the pitch and in his first press conference, on Tuesday, the former Spain boss revealed why he was so keen to take on the immense challenge of saving Valladolid from relegation

If you can't trust a man in a baseball cap to save your club then who can you?

“I took the job as no-one else has called me and being a football manager is my profession.”

“I was bored of being unemployed,” added Javier, who noted that Saturday’s relegation rumble against Tenerife was vital as a defeat would mean that “our league could be over in 90 minutes.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Villarreal (7th) v Sporting (12th)

It’s been a wee while since LLL dropped in on Villarreal’s fun-filled website to peer into what’s really going on at the yellow-bellied side.

Previous trips have brought rewarding news of car-parking expansions and Joseba Llorente’s favourite breed of pigeon, so it was with a sense of stirring anticipation that the blog clicked on the magic link.

And it was not to be disappointed, on Friday morning, when it saw the thrilling news that the club’s magazine is about to publish its latest edition with the headline of “Cani - My Shoebox Hell!” and a riveting video showing Villarreal fans sitting in the sun, eating bird seed and not doing that much really.

Nevertheless, it’s still about ten times more thrilling than LLL will ever be.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Xerez (20th) v Getafe (9th)

“I’ve not given up on Europe, yet” hollered Getafe manager, Míchel, after Sunday’s shameful 1-1 draw with Espanyol at the Coliseum.

“Whatever happens we are going to have a great season,” claimed Getafe, Míchel, four days later perhaps coming to his senses over the half-arsed ambitions of his players.

LLL Prediction  - Home win

Real Madrid (1st) v Barcelona (2nd)

If watching wheezy, plump, smug, pea-brained, shouting half-wits screaming at each other yanks your crank and you live in Spain, then you are in for a real treat, this weekend.

Starting at midnight on Friday, ‘Punto Pelota’ - a chat show ruled over by pompous blowhards - will be running a 22 hour, non-stop, rant-a-thon on el Clásico.

That’s right, nearly a whole day of “Madrid will win! No Barça will win! No Madrid will win!” Or perhaps regurgitations of some of the nonsense that has appeared in all of Spain’s sports dailies, this week, the worst of which was spouted by Marca which reported that Madrid will be victorious in the clash because they have scored 2.5 goals a game, compared to Barcelona’s measly 2.2

And as for Guti’s announcement that he is on the brink of leaving la Liga - the blog is still too shocked to respond.

LLL Prediction - Draw

Guti has said he may be leaving The Berna...wait a second


Deportivo (8th) v Racing (17th)

It’s good news all round in the blog’s rather pathetic, easily-pleased world with Deportivo - to football what Maniche is to Spandex  - going through their worst run in 19 years after four defeats in a row.

Funnily enough, it’s a run which just so happened to begin when the players reached the 42 points barrier, the finishing line of survival in la Liga, as it were.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Athletic (6th) v Almería (11th)

Regular readers may sometimes wonder why the blog’s daily ramblings can take a little longer than normal to be posted to the world’s finest football site (or any site come to think of it).

Despite what may have been thought, it has nothing to do with the general laziness of LLL, but more to do The Man in charge of button-clicking back at base camp and incidents closely related to this particular tale from Sweden, courtesy of

“A 52-year-old rail worker reprimanded two years ago for visiting p**nographic websites at work has escaped with just a second warning despite repeatedly causing trains to be delayed in eastern Sweden.

The Swedish Rail Administration's (Banverket) disciplinary board issued the follow-up warning in March after the signal operator's litany of workplace transgressions led to numerous delays at Gävle station.

In the two-year period since his p*** habits led the administration's local computer network to become infected with viruses, the 52-year-old has routinely been summoned to formal meetings with his boss to discuss his various breaches.

High speed X2000 trains, cargo trains, and regular passenger trains have all been affected by the 52-year-old's relaxed approach to his job as a signal operator.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

Osasuna (13th) v Zaragoza (15th)

This week’s winner of the “Liar, Liar Pants on Fire” trophy goes to Zaragoza boss, José Aurelio Gay, for his whopper on his - completely non-existent and never going to happen in a billion years - potential job offers, in the summer, when his contract at the club expires.

“I want to carry on here, I hope I can” gushed Gay, “Even if they offer me a job at Sevilla, Valencia or even Barcelona, for example, I would want to stay at Zaragoza.”

LLL Prediction - Draw

Espanyol (14th) v Atlético (4th)

Good news for Atlético Madrid with their passing into the Europa League semis means bad news for the Spanish FA which is running out of dates to play what has now become the Cursed Copa del Rey final.

Should they fall at the feet of Liverpool in the next round then the clash will be held at the Santiago Bernabeu on Thursday May 13th. But should they prevail and stumble into the final, then Wednesday May 19th is the magic day, potentially at the Camp Nou.

LLL Prediction - Home win

Mallorca (5th) v Valencia (3rd)

LLL must confess that it has only seen about six minutes of the Europa League, this season. After all, Thursday night has always been Bingo night for the blog. And besides, it stopped caring about the competition in 1981.

So it completely missed all the controversy which met it on Friday morning from the night before surrounding a supposedly full-on, dead cert penalty on Mestalla striker, Nikola Zigic, in the final minutes of the all Spanish quarterfinal clash.

It was an incident which kicked off one of the finest rants that the blog has heard from some time, thanks to César Sánchez.

“The referees don’t live up to the standard of UEFA,” blasted the Valencia goalkeeper. “It was a scandal and a disaster. They all saw it, there were four of them and even the sixth official, too. After this game, I’m going to check through my pockets.”

LLL Prediction - Home win

*You can catch LLL being uncharacteristically nice about Guti on RMTV chat show, Extra Time, on Sky Digital 446 over Friday and Saturday.

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