Match of the Day frontman is also opposition frontbench, Back of the Net can confirm
Match of the Day presenter Gary Lineker is now officially Her Majesty’s Most Loyal Opposition, following his one-man campaign to depict immigrants as human beings.
Lineker has attracted controversy for suggesting that flagrant, balls-out racists might be guilty of racism, with many voices in the pro-xenophobia camp calling for him to be sacked from the BBC.
Now the 55-year-old’s unease at the idea of enforcing dental checks on refugees – like something out of a counterfactual dystopia where the Nazis won – has seen him catapulted into the role of Leader of the Opposition, the position having been effectively vacant for some time.
Angry racist Dan Lloyd said on Twitter: “I used to think he was a national hero for scoring all those goals, but now I realise that was just a ploy to shove his treasonous, pro-EU communism down our throats.
“I didn’t fight in two world wars to have someone off the telly disagree with me. I mean, I didn’t fight in any wars, but I would have done, if the liberal luvvie rootless cosmopolitan metrosexual elite had been brave enough to invade Argentina.
“You wouldn’t dare represent your so-called country would you, Gary? You’d just hide behind your anonymity, you heartless, bleeding-heart, open-minded bigot.”
Shadow squad
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Lineker will now attempt to put together a shadow cabinet with the aid of Deputy Leader of the Opposition, Lily Allen.
It is not unknown for non-politicians to fulfil the brief of Leader of the Opposition. In 2003, with Labour and the Conservatives united in planning to carpet-bomb Iraq into the Stone Age, the role of Opposition was taken by the Liberal Democrats, to widespread amusement.
Please note: This fictional news story is not real. Obviously.
