It's duvets and drugs at the Copa del Rey
Despite being stranded in Spain for a good few years now as it struggles to save the pennies for that golden Easyjet ticket home, La Liga Loca has yet to completely adapt to its Iberian environment.
The blog will literally die if it has to wait until 11 o'clock at night for its evening meal and it walks a good four times faster than most five abreast in the frickin' way MadridileÃÂ±os, an irritating issue that is leading towards imminent pavement rage and a probable heart attack within the next few years.
The blog definitely needs its beauty sleep and likes to be tucked up in bed at a reasonable hour. Besides, Elsa Pataky can produce such a pout if La Liga Loca doesn't have her cocoa ready by 10.
And this is why, in typically British fashion, it must have a good old moan today as La Liga Loca is set to go to tonight's Copa Del Rey final at the Vicente CalderÃÂ³n.
But it is not 100% happy about it, as it may not leave the stadium until past one in the morning.
This is because of the ingenious plan of whoever controls these kinds of things to play the match at 10 o'frickin' clock at night. On a Wednesday.
An absurd time that even Marca admit "is not good for children," although it should have added travelling supporters, spectators and anyone with a job to the list.
Should Getafe pick up the title, then the 21,500 fans can look forward to celebrating their triumph by legging it like lemmings to the nearest railway station hoping that there will be trains still heading south.
'Taxi!' Getafe faithful will have little-to-no time to celebrate victory
And the Valencia support can enjoy an early-hours-of-the-morning arriving miserable trip home on the hundreds of coaches hired to bring them to the Spanish capital. Or try to find somewhere open in La Latina, past two, to drown their sorrows.
However, those participating in the mass exodus from the Mestalla are ready for any eventuality with their travelling Copa Del Rey kits - 'Koeman Stay!' signs, 'Koeman Go!' signs, white handkerchiefs and victory scarves.
"We have a support that we don't deserve," admitted club president AgustÃÂn Morera, in a comment that can be taken in more ways than Paris Hilton.
Those Valencia fans heading up the hill to Madrid on Wednesday may find three hitchers by the side of the road. And should they decide to pick them up then they could be sharing their car with Albeda, Angulo and CaÃÂ±izares. The club has made no attempt to organise their travel to watch the final despite still being members of the squad as the judge at the Albeda v Soler case was recently told.
One man who is particularly desperate to lift the cup come 2.30 in the morning - should extra time and penalties be required - is Fernando Morientes, as the Copa del Rey is the one trophy he has yet to win. "This could be one of my last chances to win a title," he confessed.
One man who probably doesn't give a flying fig about the result is Ronald Koeman who looks set to be sacked whatever happens on Wednesday night.
"If it's my last match, then that's the way it is. I'm not worried about it," shrugged the soon to be 9 million euros richer Dutchman.
Not even cup success is expected to save Ronald Koeman his job
La Liga Loca has long since given up the pretence of unbiased reporting so will be happily cheering on Getafe until whatever time in the morning.
But it has a sneaky feeling what with life being the cruel, relentless, miserable experience that it is, that it will be Valencia lifting the trophy come Thursday morning.