Moany Mourinho, amazing Arizmendi
Saturday 2 a.m in the departure lounge of Vitoria airport and JosÃÂ© Mourinho was spouting off to a gaggle of excited, thrusting press types.
Had he persuaded the Israelis to suspend settlement building after a 27 hour negotiating session? Was the Special OneÃ¢ÂÂs charisma saucy enough to coax the Iranians into giving up their nuclear ambitions?
No. The Real Madrid manager was talking about his non-existent answer to a non-existent job offer.
The whole tornado in a thimble began last Thursday when some old geezers from the Portuguese FA came to Madrid to talk to Mourinho and his agent - and have a fine lunch in the process, of course - with the possibility of dearest Mou taking over the somewhat struggling national side for two European Championship qualifiers in October featuring somewhere on the agenda.
Mourinho had apparently made approving noises to his would be suitors, but admitted a day later that Ã¢ÂÂthe Madridista family would see me (having two jobs) in a negative way.Ã¢ÂÂ Ã¢ÂÂIf it was up to me, IÃ¢ÂÂd go to Portugal for nothing,Ã¢ÂÂ he added.
After Saturday nightÃ¢ÂÂs 2-1 win over Real Sociedad, the Madrid manager spoke to a Portuguese TV crew and complained that there had not even been talks between Madrid and his countryÃ¢ÂÂs FA about the idea of filling in for a bit. Ã¢ÂÂIÃ¢ÂÂm going to be in Madrid for 10 days of holidays,Ã¢ÂÂ claimed Mourinho, suggesting that the prospect of spending a week and a half of personal time on the training pitches with Esteban Granero was less than taxing.
Mourinho was then forced to further clarify his previous comments before boarding the plane to Madrid with pretty much everyone confused as to what had or hadnÃ¢ÂÂt been said and what on earth it all meant.
However, Sara Carbonero certainly wasnÃ¢ÂÂt in any doubt when she claimed during an interview on Spanish TV on Monday that Ã¢ÂÂthe manager is upset, above all because there was no meeting between Real Madrid and Portugal.Ã¢ÂÂ
But the other juicy whopper dropped by IkerÃ¢ÂÂs amour was her claim that Cristiano Ronaldo Ã¢ÂÂhas always been egotistical and individualistic on the pitch,Ã¢ÂÂ which probably caused some tension around the teamÃ¢ÂÂs hotel breakfast table this morning (a breakfast table where all the condiments are no doubt down RonaldoÃ¢ÂÂs end considering his lack of enthusiasm for passing anything to anyone else), as Madrid prepare for the visit of Espanyol.
Despite the third round of games in La Primera only finishing on Monday night, the fourth round is set to start on Tuesday.
The final clash of the last Ã¢ÂÂjornadaÃ¢ÂÂ produced a dreadful first half and wonderfully anarchic second between Deportivo and Getafe in a 2-2 draw that saw two penalties for Depor and and an absolute screamer of a strike for the now free-scoring Javier Arizmendi that left the Spanish TV commentary team as stunned as LLL.
When Arizmendi failed to celebrate his equalizing effort, the blog assumed that it was because the striker had forgotten how to. But then he revealed after the game that it was in respect to the fans he used to play in front of at Depor, despite those supporters probably having forgotten all about his amazing spell that saw seven goals in 50 matches.
Although Mourinho had a bit of a whine and a moan about the barbarity of having to play Ajax on a Wednesday and Real Sociedad on a Saturday, it is Espanyol who are being made to lie in the scheduling wet patch on Tuesday, as their previous game against AlmerÃÂa took place on Sunday, giving their competitors one extra dayÃ¢ÂÂs preparation ahead of the Castle Greyskull clash.
Real MadridÃ¢ÂÂs match kicks off at the family friendly time of 10 with two games being played at 8. The first of those sees Athletic Bilbao hosting Mallorca, a club - not team, or set of fans - that LLL is really starting to dislike.
Mallorca have done nothing but sulk since being thrown out of the Europa League by UEFA for failing to pay their debts to other clubs, thus giving them an unfair advantage in la Liga.
One of those sides on the wrong end of MallorcaÃ¢ÂÂs mismanagement are Athletic Bilbao who, according to Marca, are still owed nearly Ã¢ÂÂ¬2 million on the 2008 sale of Aritz Aduriz, a striker who has since been moved on to Valencia for Ã¢ÂÂ¬4 million with Mallorca keeping the cash for themselves. This is why the relations between the two clubs have been frosty to say the least in the past couple of years.
Mallorca are also trying to take VillarrealÃ¢ÂÂs European privileges in this seasonÃ¢ÂÂs Copa del Rey draw, due to be held on Wednesday. In order to make the competition as uninteresting and pointless as possible, those clubs that are involved in European competition are handed ties against Segunda B or third division teams - not that this has been of much help to Real Madrid of late.
The Balearic outfit have petitioned the Spanish FA that this Ã¢ÂÂbyeÃ¢ÂÂ should be theirs, despite VillarrealÃ¢ÂÂs participation in this seasonÃ¢ÂÂs Europa League.
Lastly, LLL has always been enemy number one of superfluous, self-serving, egotistical Ã¢ÂÂminuteÃ¢ÂÂs silenceÃ¢ÂÂ before the start of football games. Mallorca infringed the blogÃ¢ÂÂs low tolerance on such matters on Saturday with a lengthy pause to remember the death of the mother of the clubÃ¢ÂÂs VP Lorenzo Serra Ferrer, the head of the consortium which bought out the club over the summer.
(Blog takes deep breath)
TuesdayÃ¢ÂÂs other 8 oÃ¢ÂÂclock kick-off has Real Sociedad visiting Osasuna, a team that have yet to score a goal this season. Ã¢ÂÂWe need to get back our character, aggressiveness, our style and everyone needs to get back their self respect,Ã¢ÂÂ ranted club captain Francisco PuÃÂ±al.
Real Madrid v Espanyol - Home win
Athletic v Mallorca - Home win
Osasuna v Real Sociedad - Home win
More from La Liga Loca