The teeth-grinding, pseudo-fake derby-hating Prem Preview

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Happily for many, tiresomely for some, itâÂÂs Christmaaaaas (thanks, Noddy). ItâÂÂs also probably the only time footballers deserve the least, tiny, tiny bit of sympathy. Those based in England, at least.

While players in other countries get a month or so off to spend with their families, inside where itâÂÂs warm, the Premier League soldiers on with twice as many games as it would usually feature. So, after this weekend, each time will play four games over 11 days, including hangover-busting fixtures on Boxing Day and, cruelly, New YearâÂÂs Day. No wonder Harry Redknapp has taken to banning Christmasâ¦

Anyway, this blogger isnâÂÂt as hard-working as a professional footballer, so this will be your last predictions blog before the New Year (aww). ItâÂÂs been a good 2010, all in all, with a few more fascinating games left in it.

But since you insist, hereâÂÂs a quick prediction for those 30 games before this blog returns. In no particular order:

A surprisingly good choice of match on Sky Sports, who seem to have realised that this match-up between two overachieving teams will be vastly more fascinating than whoever Man City are playing (oh wait, thatâÂÂs Monday).

ItâÂÂs worth pointing out that Sunderland are so injury-struck at the back that Ahmed Elmohamady is being moved back into defence and Nedum Onouha moves into the central defence. That should be interesting.

This siteâÂÂs really gone downhill, hasnâÂÂt it?

What wonâÂÂt happen: Onouha to make such driving runs from central defence

What will happen: A genuinely exciting tie â really, we believe that. Score draw â 2-2, perhaps

Free-flowing football vs long throws, Shawcross decimating Ramsey, etc. etc. â look, itâÂÂs only fair you hear all this first from us before Sky Sports talk about it ALL DAY.

What wonâÂÂt happen: Stoke to outpass Arsenal, admittedly

Alan Partridge â sorry, Pardew â will be praying all day today that Mike Williamson and Fabricio Coloccini donâÂÂt suffer any late injuries, seeing as the alternative at centre-back is Sol Campbell, playing at something below League Two level at the moment.

Steve Harper may return after his shoulder injury, but Tim Krul has been imperious in his absence. Well, nearly imperious. WhatâÂÂs below an emperor? Vice-emperor? Also known as David Gold (heigh-o!).

What wonâÂÂt happen: Birmingham, who have lost just one home game this season, to give up three points without a fight. TheyuâÂÂve even cancelled their Christmas party to focus on relegation, the selfless Scrooges

If Avram Grant really does have just three games to keep himself in gainful employment at West Ham (at least, in the role of manager as opposed to unconvincing tea lady), heâÂÂll be thanking his lucky star of St David that heâÂÂs facing Rovers at such a time.

BlackburnâÂÂs sacking of Big Sam was, of course, ludicrous, but at least it gave The Big Sam some ammunition to be even more brilliant than usual. Give him a follow. Not on Twitter? Get on Twitter, then give him a follow.

What wonâÂÂt happen: Blackburn to beat West Ham for the first time in nine painful, for them and everyone, attempts

Bizarrely, the last 10 fixtures between these two have seen no fewer than six away wins, probably down to WiganâÂÂs inconsistency, occasionally brilliant, occasionally woeful, as much as both sides lacking a home fortress.

ItâÂÂll be tough for them missing Honduran duo Maynor Figueroa and Hendry Thomas through suspension, and Victor Moses hasnâÂÂt recovered from a dislocated shoulder, but hey, Franco di SantoâÂÂs back!

In Aston Villa âÂÂnewsâÂÂ, a win last week thanks to a surely accidental header from Emile Heskey doesnâÂÂt disguise the fact that Gerard Houllier was probably the wrong choice.

What wonâÂÂt happen: Injurees Petrov and Luke Young wonâÂÂt feature, though Agbolahor should return

Steven GerrardâÂÂs been rated âÂÂtouch and goâÂÂ, which we all knew, in fairness. HeâÂÂs always played tough and go football, with the occasional hack âÂÂnâ blast. Oh, touch and go fitness-wise? That makes more sense.

Unfortunately, it wonâÂÂt be an exciting game in the slightest. Mark Hughesâ draw merchants may be slipping inexorably towards the relegation zone, but a pointâÂÂs a point and theyâÂÂd settle for one here. Liverpool, meanwhile, arguably donâÂÂt have the technical capability or tactical nous to beat them.

What wonâÂÂt happen: Fulham to record a second away win in 27...

What will happen: ...but Liverpool wonâÂÂt win either. Dull draw worthy of the âÂÂmehâ reaction the game will get due to being on ESPN

But things are beginning to change, with Mick McCarthyâÂÂs men recording a useful win over Birmingham last week. And remarkably, four teams are tied on 22 points, so the Baggies could be anywhere from seventh to 14th after this weekend.

What wonâÂÂt happen: The first of those possibilities

Statistics are funny things. You wouldnâÂÂt be surprised to hear Blackpool havenâÂÂt beaten Spurs at home since 1956, because, well, when would they play them? But in eight meetings since 1966 (and all that), the Tangerines are winless.

It was a very encouraging performance from Michael Dawson in his first game back from a horrific injury, and he and Kaboul at the back might actually be a better bet than Daws âÂÂnâ Gallas. Rafael van der Vaart would be a welcome replacement for an absent Jermaine Jenas, still cleaning snow off the inside of Alan HuttonâÂÂs car.

Blackpool will still be without Matt Gilks and two players who sound like theyâÂÂve been taken from Roy of the Rovers, Chris Basham and Billy Clarke. âÂÂGreat pass, Sniffer! Go on, Bash! Smash it!âÂÂ

What wonâÂÂt happen: A game of football

What will happen: Postponement until 2013, which will at least preserve BlackpoolâÂÂs nicely symmetrical home record in the league (won 2, drawn 2, lost 2, scored 11, conceded 11)

Fergie has only won one of his six competitive meetings against Carlo Ancelotti (the Community Shield SO doesnâÂÂt count) but here is a golden opportunity to make that two from seven.

After a good performance against Spurs, a game they probably should have won, Chelsea are no longer in freefall but they are without a league win in six attempts and itâÂÂs not often you see Chelsea in fourth, except when

The good news for them is that the talismanic, Mr Boombastic, very fantastic Frank Lampard will start, taking penalty duties from Didier Drogba, youâÂÂd think, who â and thereâÂÂs no point holding back here â cost Chelsea a potentially crucial two championship-chasing points by being completely, utterly selfish. Tool.

What wonâÂÂt happen: As good a game as we hope for on his marvelous Super Sunday...

What will happen: Chelsea look to grind a win and so do United. They both succeed in grinding merely teeth and a draw â UnitedâÂÂs seventh in the league this season. TheyâÂÂve only won one away from home, fewer than lesser-known travelers Blackburn and Stoke

This is interesting: a quick glance at the league table shows that even though they are just two points behind their Manchester rivals in the league, Citeh have scored just eight goals at home compared to UnitedâÂÂs 25. Quite a difference, that, and one youâÂÂd think Mancini will want to reduce: averaging one goal a game at home isnâÂÂt a table-topping rate.

ThatâÂÂs hardly going to be helped if Tevez and Balotelli knob off, not to mention Jo, Santa Cruz and Adebayor as well. TheyâÂÂll be left with Patrick Vieira upfront challenging for headers, thinking, âÂÂHang on a minute...âÂÂ

What wonâÂÂt happen: All five of them to go, surely

What will happen: Everton miss a suspended Arteta and an injured Hibbert, but take a good draw

Huw Davies

Huw was on the FourFourTwo staff from 2009 to 2015, ultimately as the magazine's Managing Editor, before becoming a freelancer and moving to Wales. As a writer, editor and tragic statto, he still contributes regularly to FFT in print and online, though as a match-going #WalesAway fan, he left a small chunk of his brain on one of many bus journeys across France in 2016.