Did that really happen?
Thought you were on top of the events of the 2018/19 campaign? Think again.
The following selection of events will have you wondering if you really have been paying attention after all…
Arsenal’s incredible winning run
Unai Emery’s baptism of fire as Arsenal boss left him with burn marks after he lost to Manchester City and Chelsea in his first two competitive games.
However, the Gunners bounced back with a superb run of 11 wins in a row across all competitions, which seems like an eternity ago now.
They did admittedly have a friendly fixture schedule (Fulham, Brentford, Vorskla Poltava…) but even so, the Emirates outfit went on to take points in their meetings with four of the eventual top seven clubs. The unbeaten streak came to a halt against Southampton in mid-December, four months and 23 games on from their previous reverse.
Benik Afobe being a Wolves player again
Even Afobe himself might have forgotten he had a third stint at Molineux, given that it lasted about a week-and-a-half.
Wolves signed the striker from Bournemouth for £10m before sending him on loan to Stoke just 11 days later…with an obligation to buy in January for £12m.
Add in the loan fee and Wolves made £3m in the space of a fortnight on a player they never used. Great business.
Wayne Rooney playing for England
We’ve had a look and this does appear to have happened during the 2018/19 season.
Fine, we’ll check again.
The Ballon d’Or Féminin’s real piece of twerk
It was one step forward and a massive step back for women’s football when the inaugural female Ballon d’Or was handed to Ada Hegerberg.
The Norwegian was asked to twerk by an odious, smirking tosspot of a male host while on stage.
Just to be clear: this was six months ago, not 60 years ago.
Someone throwing a cabbage at Steve Bruce
Villa lost their manager, Bruce lost his way, a fan lost his patience and the world lost a cabbage.
Bruce is now fighting the good fight at Sheffield Wednesday after his departure from the Birmingham club.
He may be back in employment, but can the same thing be said for the steward who failed to notice the perpetrator’s head-shaped brassica during a pre-match pat-down?
Denmark’s amateur night
The players of Denmark went on strike because of a pay dispute, forcing the country’s football authorities to reduce ticket prices to €1 and select a group of futsal players, lower-league plodders and students for the national team.
The rag-tag group didn’t disgrace themselves, losing to Slovakia by a creditable 3-0 scoreline. Surreal.
Alvaro Morata scoring nine goals for Chelsea
This actually happened. We promise.
Nine goals in 24 games. For Chelsea. During the 2018/19 season.
West Brom’s boiler mascot
A man dressed up as a combi boiler and wearing cartoon gloves. Enough said.
Kieran Trippier being God
The Spurs right-back was on a high when he returned from the World Cup in Russia after a superb tournament in which he created the most chances of any player.
His free-kick against Fulham on the opening day of the season reminded everyone that he’d done the same thing in the semi-final against Croatia not long before, cementing his status as a rising star.
However, Trippier’s progress seemed to stop there as he struggled throughout the season, joining injury-plagued Sime Vrsaljko and relegated Benjamin Pavard in the group of stand-out Russia 2018 right-backs who have suffered this term.
Burnley playing in Europe
This was forgotten as soon as it was over, but that’s not a criticism of Burnley, who have since had to tussle with a relegation battle, making the European adventure seem distant.
Sean Dyche’s men defeated the second-best team in Scotland and third-best in Turkey before falling to Olympiakos in the Europa League play-offs.
The games went largely unnoticed due to them taking place before the end of August and not being televised, which is a shame. It’s almost like the Premier League broadcasters think of the neatly-sun race for seventh as a means and not an end.
Kenny Miller, player-manager
Honestly, this really happened: Livingston sacked Kenny Miller as player-manager because he kept picking himself.
The veteran striker was in charge for just two league games in his debut management gig before leaving after the Scottish Premiership side insisted that he hang up his boots to focus on managing full-time.
In normal circumstances that would be the end of it, but Miller wasn’t ready to stop playing and signed a two-year deal with Dundee, scoring a hat-trick before finishing bottom while Livi stayed up.
The transfer window apocalypse
The decision of 15 of the 20 Premier League clubs to bring deadline day forward by several weeks sparked a raging debate between those who liked the idea and those who predicted an apocalyptic landscape in which unwanted players wandered forlornly.
In the end it was all quite orderly, although there was still a flurry of late activity as the window shut one day before the start of the season, most of it coming from record spenders Fulham. That went well.
Spurs stinking out the Champions League
This is what Group B looked like at 9.30pm on November 6, 2018.
| Row 0 - Cell 0 | Row 0 - Cell 1 | P | W | D | L | GF | GA | GD | Pts |
| 1 | Barcelona | 4 | 3 | 1 | 0 | 10 | 2 | +8 | 10 |
| 2 | Inter | 4 | 2 | 1 | 1 | 4 | 4 | 0 | 7 |
| 3 | PSV | 4 | 1 | 1 | 2 | 4 | 8 | -4 | 4 |
| 4 | Tottenham Hotspur | 4 | 0 | 1 | 3 | 5 | 9 | -4 | 1 |
Charlie Austin’s ‘Parklife’
The Southampton striker channelled his inner Phil Daniels after a refereeing error cost his side two much-needed points against Watford.
His energetic, high-pitched rant about the officials needing help from VAR quickly went viral and, to be fair, Austin had every right to feel aggrieved.
Wolves naming unchanged XI for first nine Premier League games
After that run, 10 of the 11 players went on to start the next three games too.
The substitutes bench, with a capacity of seven, only had nine different occupants over those first nine matches. In this day and age, it was most unusual.
A race to the bottom
Huddersfield, Newcastle and Cardiff were competing to be the worst-ever Premier League side deep into autumn, with none of them having won a game after eight rounds.
There were fears that one of the trio might become the first English top-flight side to go a season without winning a single league match, but Cardiff broke their duck on October 20 before the Magpies and Terriers followed on match day 11.
Newcastle eventually stayed up with ease.
Lights out at Charlton
Charlton’s League One campaign began with staff working in the dark due to the dire financial straits the club was in.
Employees were told not to eat at their desks because cleaners weren’t being paid, and relegation seemed a real possibility.
Yet here we are, with the Addicks back in the Championship by the end of the 2018/19 campaign.
Jose Mourinho’s non-stop summer moan-fest
It has been simply relentless.
Kenedy’s nightmare
When Newcastle faced Cardiff in August, on-loan Magpies winger Kenedy had a worse day at the office than his namesake did on November 22, 1963 – and, like JFK, the Brazilian’s brain went missing.
He deserved a red card after 34 minutes for booting Victor Camarasa; he didn’t complete a single pass in the first half – from two attempts, and he missed a stoppage-time penalty that would’ve given the 10-man Toon the victory. Thanks for coming, Ken.
Macclesfield not winning a game until mid-October
After achieving a surprise promotion, the Silkmen looked out of their depth for some time in League Two with whispers of a winless season being muttered.
What no one saw coming was the Sol Campbell’s arrival heralding a turnaround in form that saw them dodge the drop into non-league football. Stranger than fiction.
Wigan replacing full-back Reece James with full-back Reece James
The James of 1993 vintage went on to endure a disappointing campaign at Sunderland after leaving the Latics, while the 1999-born Chelsea loanee had a breakthrough season in the Championship.
He was good enough that he was shifted into midfield so he wasn’t wasted at right-back. Wigan didn’t have to print any new nametags, either.
Julen Lopetegui managing Real Madrid
See also; guiding the club through eight hours without a goal and a 5-1 Clasico loss before being sacked; Santiago Solari getting gubbed by Ajax and joining him at the job centre; Real Madrid ending the season a record 19 points adrift of champions Barcelona.
Did all of this happen or was it a dream? Zinedine Zidane’s re-emergence suggests the latter.
A goal being given as a throw-in
The full story is even more ridiculous than the headline suggests. In the Scottish Championship, Partick Thistle striker Kris Doolan’s super strike hit the net, causing an irritated Greenock Morton defender to boot the ball away in frustration.
The ball definitely crossed the line – you could even see the netting rustle – but the linesman and referee somehow got into a discussion ending with the conclusion that…well, your guess is as good as ours.
But with the Morton defender having hoofed the ball into the stands, the game subsequently restarted with a throw-in. Baffling scenes.
Thierry Henry managing Monaco in a relegation battle
OK, now we’re definitely inventing things.
Michael Owen still being Newcastle’s record signing
When the Magpies brought in Miguel Almiron on January deadline day, he finally broke the club’s 14-year long transfer record held by Owen.
Martin from Wakefield
With Huddersfield’s net closing in on little-known boss Jan Siewert in their search for a new manager, Sky’s eagle-eyed camera operators spotted him in the crowd at a match.
Unfortunately it wasn’t him, although it did give Martin from Wakefield the chance to appear in their official unveiling video of Siewert who, bless him, is about as good at acting as the Terriers are at Premier League football.
Santi Cazorla, glamorous assistant
Villarreal’s unveiling of Cazorla last summer was somewhere between ‘This is Spinal Tap’ and an amateur magic show.
It turned out to be fitting as last month, after a season of playing like a magician, the midfielder was given a surprise recall to the Spanish national team.
This is a man whose operations have left him with a bit of arm on his ankle, thigh onhis arm and tattoos spread across his body like an unopened jigsaw. There’s a happy ending.
Eric Maxim Choupo-Moting joining PSG
…and Nacer Chadli moving to Monaco as French football’s giants (as the latter then were) did their best to recruit the most average players from relegated Premier League sides.
Chadli came at a price of £10m, while free transfer Choupo-Moting derailed PSG’s title celebrations temporarily when he denied them victory over Strasbourg with what has been described, by the BBC no less, as “one of the worst misses in the history of football.”
They weren't exaggerating.
Claude Puel
You’d be forgiven for forgetting his existence, but apparently Puel was still in charge of Leicester as recently as February 23. Surely not.
Outfield player in goal klaxon!
Not only did midfielder Richard Smallwood pull on the gloves, but he kept a 20-mnute clean sheet to earn Rovers a point against a free-scoring West Brom side.
Sometimes, emergency goalkeepers shy away from the spotlight. Not Smallwod, who compared himself to Gordon Banks and, when team-mate Elliott Bennett also offered to step between the sticks, backed himself by saying: “No, I’ve got this.” It turns out he did.
Marcus Bettinelli being called up by England
This happened in September, the same month that the Fulham keeper said: “If our only aim is to stay in the league then we won’t do ourselves justice.”
He was right about the second part. Bettinelli shipped 20 goals in seven top flight appearances before losing his place and having knee surgery as the Cottagers went down without a fight.
That’ll probably be his last England call for a while.
